BBC - HecklerSpray

Walking Corpse Bruce Forsyth Becoming Too Old for TV

October 25th, 2012 By Chris Starr

Age catches up to us all sometimes. And to be fair, when you’re 84, you’re entitled to a little lie down. Bruce Forsyth, walking medical wonder and epitome of “slightly strange but ultimately harmless old man” is getting to the stage in his career where he can’t front a television show for its full run.

Bruce, who you can see to your right sizing up his gold funeral mask which will be placed on his corpse after embalming once he eventually dies (which, let’s face it, either has to be soon or we have to start worrying about his permanence), has been around literally forever. And that’s not a misuse of the word.

Jimmy Savile is a Perverted Child Molester (Not Surprised)

October 10th, 2012 By Chris Starr

Jimmy Savile was a strange person. He wore velour tracksuits, was never seen in the company of a woman, and raised millions of pounds for charity, all while looking permanently aged and like an old great uncle. Kids loved him. It turns out – after his death – that he may have loved kids too.

It’s a terrible thing to say, but there are serious allegations being laid at Savile that he molested and raped at least 30 different young girls during his time as a DJ and TV presenter. Commander Peter Spindler of the Metropolitan Police has said that “it is quite clear from what women are telling us that Savile was a predatory sex offender.”

Malcolm Tucker’s Best Verbal Slapdowns

September 7th, 2012 By Chris Starr

Look very carefully at this man. Don’t be scared – well, do, actually. He’s terrifying. His name is Malcolm Tucker, and he is the funniest sitcom character that has ever walked this earth.

If you’re based in the US, you may have heard of ‘Veep’, the HBO show written by Armando Ianucci. Well know this: that show has a lot borrowed from its older, wiser UK relative ‘The Thick of It’, which is about the machinations of political power in the UK. But one thing that it doesn’t have is a Malcolm Tucker character.

BBC Axe Total Wipeout: Richard Hammond And Amanda Byram Hilariously Out Of A Job

March 30th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Auntie BBC has announced that she’s going to axe the gameshow Total Wipeout after three years on air… which is obviously hilarious because this means Richard Hammond won’t be on TV quite so much and Amanda Byam is out of a job completely!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Of course, watching people fall over is always funny, but the BBC got Total Wipeout wrong. Mainly because the presenters sucked and they missed a vital ingredient out… and we’re going to tell you exactly what that is.

Ten Things To Expect From The Voice; Contains Full Frontal Jessie J

March 23rd, 2012 By Robin Darke

The day we've all dreaded has finally arrived at the hecklerspray bedsit: The day when Jessie J finally strong arms her way into our primetime TV schedule and makes a complete fool of herself in her quest for some sort of acceptance from everyone.

And all the while, making Will. I. Am look normal. Which is an achievement. Even Fergie didn't manage that and she looks like a duck mated with Jennifer Lopez. That's one freaky looking woman.

Undoubtedly Jessie J is going to be the one to watch on The Voice for a number of reasons. She loves the sound of own voice so much rumour has it that they're going to elope this Summer and sell the rights to OK! magazine. She always wears totally ridiculous outfits that, if nothing else, frame her vagina. Why would anyone want to do that? It's like putting Predator in an Elizabethan ruff. She also likes to think that she's down with the kids so we?ll have lots of stupid catchphrases that will break Twitter at some point during Saturday night.

Ten Things We’ve Learnt From Last Night’s Apprentice

August 6th, 2012 By Robin Darke

We?d like to say that seeing another group of self obsessed diehard Conservatives hog our TV?s for the next twelve weeks will be torture. We?d also like to say that seeing them get into every possible problem when dealing with sausage rolls/balloons/bread (delete as appropriate) won't make our funny bones tingle with what we can only presume osteoporosis feels like.

We?d also like to say that seeing the man who resembles a distended scrotum playing God with people?s lives isn't a thrilling act of voyeurism.

But we can't. From start to end The Apprentice is a fantastic hour of TV that, if nothing else, reminds people from the North that people who want to better themselves by fannying around with Profit and Loss sheets and ?marketing? will ultimately get slapped down by a man who's hair could grease enough frying pans to make a million bacon sandwiches. And make him into the modern day equivalent of Jesus and his Amazing Fish Trick.

Engelbert Humperdinck’s Eurovision Song – Listen With Your Ears (Russia To Win)

March 19th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Here we are then. We’re a collection of countries faced with an Engelbert Humperdinck song, designed to win us the Eurovision Song Contest against all those tactical voting swine who hated us since we invaded some oil-rich nations.

Not tanning oil, which Humperdinck is so clearly fond of.

And you’re probably willing us to stop stalling for time, and get on with playing you the damned record he’ll be performing while wearing a Union Jack tanga-brief under his expensive suit that inevitably reeks of Hai Karate. Click over the jump and you’ll hear it then.

The Apprentice Returns With A Cast Of Socially Retarded Business Enthusiasts

March 14th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

Think of big businesses and most people will be drawn to images of fat cat bankers rubbing their genitals with ?50 notes and generally having a better time than anyone. Hated by society, there is at least one teddy bear like businessmen we all wish was giving us financial advice.

That's right; it's none other than lovable tyke Lord Sir Mister Alan of Sugar.

As a child wheeler dealer, his greatest achievement to date has been the contraption we all know and love, the combined e-mail phone device called the [email protected] That product has of course been a success story to all our lives.

Del Boy And His Only Fools And Horses Go Stateside

February 22nd, 2012 By Kris Silver

The Brits was on the telly last night, as you may have noticed. A celebration of all the best musical talent that Britain, well? the Brit school, has to offer. American?s just wouldn't get it, if it were up to them they?d just take the essence of our poncey awards bash, throw in some no name to front it and rename it the Grammys or something.

Because that's just what America does, isn't it? Look at what the World is doing, buy it up, butcher it to high heaven and stick on a laughter track they found down the back of the Married With Children sofa.

So it will come as no surprise that, now that pilot season is fast approaching Stateside, some of our favourite British shows are getting a very American kick in the jacobs.

Soap Spoilers! Everyone Dies. Hopefully

August 5th, 2012 By Joanna Bolouri

OH JOY! It’s time for some Soap Spoilers as we know you lot would freak out if we didn’t do this week after week. ?We love writing these however and none of us?secretly?wonder what our lives would have been like had we gone to university or taken Hugh Hefner up on that offer of marriage last year.

Nope. We’re good.

Ready to find out stuff about fake people??Excellent.