bb11 - HecklerSpray

No Chantelle and Preston Series Until They Fall In Love? Oh No!

September 16th, 2010 By Matthew Laidlow

Big Brother is over kids and now, Channel 4 will be in a flap about what they can show in the summer of 2011. Knowing the broadcaster, they will opt for either flogging countless repeats of Friends, Come Dine With Me or Sex In the City.

Over the course of the time it was on our screens, the once social experiment has changed from the evolvement of human situation to peak time viewing of a woman/beast wanking herself off with a bottle.

Once Big Brother 2010 finished, the ?ultimate? edition was launched. Basically, it was a chance for fame hungry ex contestants to throw themselves in the limelight before getting their tits out in Zoo Magazine. Again. Preston and Chantelle found love in the house, divorced in the real world and amazingly reunited back in the house. See where this is going?

Goodbye Big Brother – You’ve Been The Weirdest Lodger Ever

August 7th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Tonight, the doors close on Big Brother forever. Of course, Channel Five will pick it up, but let’s be frank – no-one is going to bother watching it over there. That said, if it’s anything like Touch the Truck or Back to Reality, it could make for incredible television. But it won’t.

Anyway. Big Brother is bowing out after taking up residence in our living rooms for a decade. Along the way, we’ve poured scorn over strangers who really, haven’t done anything wrong. All they’ve done is appear on TV and we failed to switch over.

Like all good media chumps, let’s have a nostalgic trot through the history of something because it is going away. Who knows, we might even find something nice to say about it before peppering you with cheap-shots.

Big Brother’s Nadia Rushed To Hospital After Suicide Attempt

September 10th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Big Brother’s Nadia Almada was once a symbol of good things. She entered the Big Brother house as a transsexual and the nation took her to the collective bosom and she ended up winning the show. Great to see how open minded this country can be, eh?

Since then, something went a bit wrong and Nadia has been throwing diva-ish strops which are, shall we say, out of character for the Madeira born reality star.

And now, after an unsuccessful stint in the Ultimate Big Brother house, Almada has reportedly been rushed to hospital after attempting to end her own life.

Davina McCall Enters The Ultimate Big Brother House

September 8th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

There’s something of primary school about this last bow of Big Brother on Channel 4, with an air of end-of-term relaxation and everyone is bringing their board games in… however, people playing means people fall out over the rules and competitiveness creeps its ugly head in.

If that’s the case, then when Davina McCall sneaks into the Big Brother house, there’s a weird excitement like when a dog runs into the yard.

And that’s exactly what she’s done today as she went in (without a gorilla outfit on) and was ordered to complete a task by the Chest Of Drawers Of Temptation.

Yet Another Housemate To Enter The Ultimate Big Brother House

September 3rd, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Ultimate Big Brother has given us a blizzard of beige thus far, switching from vaguely charming nostalgia trip to reminder of how boring people are when they get ideas above their station. I mean, someone is going to tell Victor at some point that, really, he’s just a git without any noticeable talent other than sitting smugly while being filmed… right?

So there’s a new housemate to enter the house? Indeed. After a week of nostalgia and reminiscing, Big Brother has yet another surprise for the Ultimate Big Brother contestants.

Tonight, during the eviction show’s, one new housemate will enter the house, joining our remaining housemates in fighting it out to be crowned the champion of champions in next week’s Ultimate Big Brother Final.

New Pictures Of Victor And Michelle As The Prepare For Ultimate Big Brother

August 27th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

It’s almost unbelievable that there’s no Brian Belo in the Ultimate Big Brother house. Apparently, Channel 4 bosses just didn’t want him. This is probably because he isn’t deemed ‘explosive’ enough, not that any other housemates were made of dynamite and kindling.

However, two old housemates will be entering the house tonight, notably, Victor and Michelle. And over the jump is two pictures of them, taken recently by the show’s producers (should you be in the fortunate position of having completely forgotten what they look like).

Wanna see?

Chantelle Tells World She Still Loves Preston On Ultimate Big Brother

August 27th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Big Brother is great isn’t it? It gets a bunch of humans and puts them in a completely unrealistic situation and slowly watches them wither away like banded haemorrhoids. The latest, and quite possibly the quickest person to have her mental blood supply cut off is Chantelle who, in 2 days, has done a lot of weeping.

This is all thanks to the Big Brother producers taking someone who is, essentially, a very sweet but ultimately dim girl, and locked them in a house with their ex husband. That isn’t cruel at all is it?

And now, just as predicted, the old feelings have come back leaving Chantelle broken, emotional and soon-to-be jaded with the world.

Newsflash! Josie Walks Out Of The Big Brother House!

August 26th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

JOSIE WALKS OUT OF THE ULTIMATE BIG BROTHER HOUSE

This afternoon Josie walked out of Ultimate Big Brother house via the fire exit in the garden after deciding the experience was all too overwhelming for her (and underwhelming for us).

And as luck would have it, one of the first people she should meet when she escaped through the camera runs was John James in the Big Brother car park, as he had been visiting the Big Brother compound to record a message to give to Josie.

Chantelle and Coolio Wash Their Genitals in Ultimate Big Brother

August 26th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Ultimate Big Brother has kicked off, making this last series (on Channel 4 at least) feel like it’s been transmitting for roughly a decade. So familiar are we with the Big Brother house, we’ve started to ring up our landlords to see what they’ve done with the turd shaped snug in our non-existent gardens.

Josie, of course, is another fixture in the house, standing rooted to that particular bit of London like a cross between a randy Tiny Tears doll and a miserable gnome. At least no chimps have torn her face off yet.

Of course, she’s got new people to talk to now, with Coolio seemingly desperate to stick his ageing penis into absolutely any available hole. This has left our Josie jaded and listless.

AND WE HAVE PICTURES AND THAT!

Big Brother 11 Is Won By Josie… Ultimate Big Brother Trundles Into View

August 25th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Big Brother 11 has finished! And, like a finger poking at an open sore, Ultimate Big Brother dives straight in to keep us all in one of two camps – those that loathe the show and those that don’t watch it. And yet, there’s a few glaring omissions that have vexed some viewers. If this is ultimate, then how about some ultimate housemates?

Of course, BB11 was won by Josie, which on reflection, was a fair result. It would have been nice if Andrew had won, by virtue of the fact that he was a composite of 4 or 5 different likeable lads you knew from school, just like JJ was a composite of everyone you ever forgot in your form.

Josie went back into the house to partake in Ultimate Big Brother with a bunch of old favourites… but wait… where are some of the best?