There’s not much of Pamela Anderson we haven’t seen, thanks to a couple of grainy sex tapes that proved very popular with lonely swine all those years ago. Yet, oddly, there’s something very likeable about Pammy.

Is it because she’s self-deprecating? Probably not. You’re into the whole ‘boobs’ thing aren’t you?

Well, less pleasant than the female form, squeezed into a high-cut horror-bikini is skidmarks. That’s right. Skidders. For some reason, Pamela has entered the Big Brother house, now that all the other celebrities have gone, and promised to leave a skidmark in there. We have no idea what she means, but it doesn’t sound very hygienic.

After Paddy Doherty won Celebrity Big Brother, cueing up the entire nation to make lazy jokes about not being able to evict travellers from a house, Pammy was seen on the BB sofa.

This, of course, was very exciting for Brian Dowling who, despite being surprisingly impressive in the live shows, is liable to squeal at absolutely everything in sight.

But what about the soiled undies?

Well, when Anderson was called to the Diary Room, she told Big Brother:

“It’s fun to be here.”

“I’m going to give them the ride of their lives, and leave a skidmark on every one of them.”

Filth.

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Pamela Anderson is an absolute saint. Why? Because she wants to help the world make sweeter love. How is she doing that? She’s made some stockings that are ‘historically pleasing’ as well as being indestructible.

What a woman!

See, when people make tights, the primary function is to either keep a woman’s legs warm or, indeed, hide the fact that they couldn’t be bothered shaving their legs. However, these are Pamela Anderson stockings! They are designed for making love! Love on a boat with a gigantic rock star member flung up you while you nearly crash into the rocks beneath the water! But how historically pleasing are they? Would historical figures like Genghis Khan like wearing them? Or Pol Pot?

Pammy’s been thinking really, really hard and created her own line of designer stockings which only have one use in mind – and that’s making sweet, sweet love.

We’d tell you what the range is called, but alas, she’s not paying us any advertising money so she can go whistle. We’ll just poke fun at the stupid things falling out of her mouth as she tries to flog them to us.

So is she trying to convince us that they are horrible 80s looking things? Well, no. She prefers to tell us all about the fact she’s never bothered with them. So neither should we, presumably.

She says:

“I’ve never worn pantyhose, but my aunt and mum swear by them. My stockings are for making love in. They’re real nylon stockings.”

“It’s a fantasy. They feel incredibly sexy and guaranteed not to run. They aren’t for every day, but they are so gorgeous and they’re historically pleasing. If stockings could talk…”

They’d talk about other historically pleasing events like the abolition of slavery in the United States? Or maybe they’d recall fondly, the day the Berlin Wall came down? Or maybe they’d remember the first Take That video with all those naked bums and jelly?

Historical talking underwear. It’s the future. Like Global Hypercolor t-shirts were once the future.

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It’s the show which launched Pamela Anderson’s career and got The Hoff back on to our screens – but Baywatch wasn’t all bad.

In fact, just as long as you forget about the pathetic acting and dodgy dialogue – it was really rather good. Good, that is, as in we got to get a good look at some of the sexiest girls ever to appear on TV – in swimwear. Good, that is, as in we got to have a good look at their big bouncy breasts bobbing along the screen in fantastic slow motion. And good, as in we got to see all of it before the watershed.

Oh, and there and there was some blokes in it too. But we seriously can’t remember any of them – apart from The Hoff that is. But which Baywatch babe was the best? Who looked the hottest in the red swimsuit? Well Hecklerspray has decided to come up with our top eight.

Of course, it is just another pathetic excuse to prowl the internet looking for pictures of sexy girls. Life’s a beach. Enjoy.

8. Yasmine Bleeth

She is a pale shadow of her Baywatch days after falling into drug addiction, but it was some shadow.

7. Erika Eleniak

It’s not easy upstaging Steven Seagal – but she managed it in Under Seige. In fact, her eyebrows are actually bigger than his ponytail.

6. Donna D’Errico

The September 1995 Playboy Playmate of the Month was always worth tuning in for.

5. Traci Bingham

There are two very good reasons she belongs in the top five. See if you can guess what they are.

4. Nicole Eggert

Nicole would have been higher but for the crimes of having a breast reduction and getting engaged to Corey Haim. We are not sure which is more ridiculous.

3. Gena Lee Nolin

For a more convincing acting performance you should check out her sex tape.

2. Carmen Electra

Only just beaten to the top slot by Pammy. It’s tough making these decisions.

1. Pamela Anderson

Forget what you know about her now, just remember the first time you clapped eyes on her. Happy days.