Batman - HecklerSpray

Ben Affleck Doesn’t Give a Shit About You All Hating Him

September 18th, 2013 By Natalia Kemble

During his appearance on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon Monday night,?Ben Affleck finally spoke out about the ridiculous-but-unsurprising backlash he’s received over being cast as the new Batman ? backlash the studio was apparently expecting.

“They sent me [reactions to] people who were in these movies who did a great job and they’d say, ‘Kill himmmm!’ said Affleck. “They said just don’t use the Internet for a couple of days… I handle shit. I’m very tough. I saw the announcement, I look down on the first comment… the first one just goes, ‘Nooooooooo!'”

First or all, I love that the studio was like, “We’re going to piss off a lot of people if we do this… Ah, fuck it!” Second of all, poor Ben. I’m sure he remembers the shitty movies he’s been in ? as everyone else on the internet very obviously does ? but he’s probably still like, “Did I black out for the past year-and-a-half, already film this movie, and miss the premiere? Why is everyone so certain I’m going to fuck this up?”

Ben Affleck Gives Kiss Of Death To The Superman Franchise

August 23rd, 2013 By Rhiannon Davies

One more nail has been added to the coffin of the Superman sequel’s credibility, and it looks remarkably similar to Ben Affleck.

In what’s being called “…the worst thing to happen to the franchise since George Clooney’s bat nipples”, Ben Affleck has been confirmed to take on the role of the hero Gotham deserves for Man Of Steel II. Bet you didn’t think you’d be reading the phrase ‘bat nipples’ this early in the day.

Top 10 Most Badass Fictional Bikers of All Time

September 21st, 2012 By Gavin Bard

In the wonderful world of escapist entertainment, owning a motorcycle makes you an immense bad ass with a will of steel and fists of iron. Even characters who might only ride a motorcycle occasionally suddenly find themselves turning into the toughest human being on wheels.

In real life, most motorcycles are sitting in the garages of henpecked husbands or the driveways of aging rebels turned office workers going through the throes of their mid life crises. Real life is definitely more “sons of middle class upbringing” than Sons of Anarchy.

Luckily for all of us, I don’t write about boring and unimportant stuff like real life.

5 Insane Versions Of Popular Movies That Almost Got Made

September 20th, 2012 By Tony McMillen

Imagine a world where George Lucas never made his Star Wars prequels. Someone actually blew the childhood rape whistle on him and his wretched schemes were thusly nixed. A place where Alan Moore?s comic book masterpiece Watchmen was never transformed into Zach Snyder?s shitty slow motion action porno. Instead it was an excellent HBO miniseries produced by Terry Gilliam. Whedon?s Firefly was never canceled and is still on air today. Michael Bay? Michael Bay is dead.

But while it's comforting to think about such a perfect world where all of nerdom?s proverbial boogeymen have been fittingly dispatched and all its most beloved treasures remain untarnished, I think it's even more fun to think about a world where the movies that actually almost happened here were made.

Five Things We’ve Learnt From New Girl

August 5th, 2012 By Robin Darke

So. Zooey Deschanel has a new show that is being shown on Channel 4 this very night at 8:30 post meridian. Of course, we've seen it and it won’t surprise you that we are characteristically unimpressed.

That said, looking on the bright side of any situation, like we uncharacteristically do, we've managed to find five things that are good about New Girl (8:30, Channel 4).

And here they are, over the jump and as follows…

Zooey Deschanel Divorces From Husband Because She’s A Monster Under All That Kook

January 5th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Zooey Deschanel is the Prom Queen of the Hipster Ball. She can kinda sing, kinda act and is generally kinda good-looking and kinda nice. Perfect for the hipsters as she never quite looks like she’s really trying.

However, Zooey is quite obviously a giganto-ghoul.

Why? Mainly because she doesn’t believe in the sanctity of marriage and is getting divorced from her husband – Some Guy – which will absolutely anger God so much that he’ll probably ensure any children she has in the future will all have hunchbacks.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt And Zooey Deschanel Record Cover Of ‘What Are You Doing New Year?s Eve?’ Like Adorable Ghouls

December 30th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel are probably the most irritating pair on Earth, mainly because we’ve got nothing on them. They seem nice. They seem quite funny. They’re altogether likeable and that makes us mad.

Of course, we hate most of their cloying hipster fans who, this morning, will be getting steamed up ironic NHS spectacles when they learn that the (500) Days of Summer duo have paired up to sing a song together.

And they’ve filmed it. And we’re going to let you watch it if you’re smart enough to click over the jump. Which you’re not. The amount of times we have to actually point that out to you dawdling shitboxes is unreal! Anyway. Video. You’ll like it. Over the jump.

Batman: Dark Knight Rises Trailer Showcases Occupy Gotham City Movement

August 5th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Dark Knight Rises or Batman 3. What are you calling it? Well, judging by the newly released trailer, you could justifiably call it Occupy Gotham. It is fair to say that Bruce Wayne is part of the 1%.

Wisely, Christopher Nolan & Co have decided to tap into the most polite civil unrest yet and, mercifully, thrown some supervillains at it because we demand explosions and people getting punched in the throat.

And, regrettably for us snarks, the film looks like it might be really great. There’s a chance we’ll still give it a bad review though, just to be contrarians.

Look At A Picture Of Anne Hathaway In Her Sexless Catwoman Costume

August 10th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Catwoman has always been the sexiest of all the superhero/supervillain clan. We say that because all the women who played her in the ’60s were really hot. Not so much Michelle Pfeiffer and Halle Berry. They were snooze-buttons in comparison.

Of course, Catwoman oozed such sex appeal that even Batman fancied her, despite the fact she kept him busy by being a nasty git.

And so, when it was announced that Anne Hathaway was chosen to play her in the forthcoming The Dark Knight Rises, everyone kinda shrugged because she seems too wholesome. Can she pull off that whole S&M thing that Catwoman has? According to the leaked picture of her in her villainous guise (below), it seems not.

Readers’ Letters: The ‘Tom Hardy Thinks We’re Morons’ Special… Or Does He?

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

It’s that time of the week again where we put on industrial strength rubber gloves, strap on our personal protective equipment, snap our goggles into place and go for a swim in the murky depths of the hecklerspray post bag. There really is nothing more refreshing on a muggy, humid day than going for a swim through the tepid bile that you lot spray out of your brains.

Unfortunately Editor Mof has been forced into mediating a disagreement between two hecklerspray writers which has already seen Kris Silver thrown into a pile of discarded post bags where- unfortunately- his left hand dissolved due to the build up of acid. In hindsight he’ll feel that suggesting to Paul Pencott that he take on the role of Kris’ “business hand” has been his worst professional decision to date.

Nevertheless, while they all engage in a fight to the death, let’s take a look at how many of you have suggested that we die in a fire this week.