Trashing hotel rooms is something of a right of passage for rock stars. They do it through boredom, anger or, in the case of most modern bands, because you’ve been told you MUST do it and as we all know, modern rock bands haven’t got an original idea between them.

However, when it comes to wilful destruction, there’s not many who are as creative as Ozzy Osbourne.

As we’ve all heard, he’s bitten the head from a bat, as well as biting the head off a dove and spitting it at the CEOs of his record company. He also took a piss on The Alamo. But what about destroying a room with a dead shark?

That’s right. Ozzy once soaked a room in shark’s blood while he cut its head off while on tour with Black Sabbath.

Sabbath guitarman Tony Iommi admits that, at the height of the band’s wild days, Ozzy decided to go mental with a shark corpse because the group were thoroughly bored of taking drugs.

Tony said:

“With drugs always you get bored, so you must do something to one another. Like Ozzy hauling a shark through a window, dismembering it and soaking our room in blood.”

The fingerless guitarist has just released his memoirs called ‘Iron Man: My Journey Through Heaven and Hell With Black Sabbath’. That’s why he’s indulging in a rock star’s favourite activity – remembering the good ol’ days.

Iommi also said:

“We had management problems, I married four times. Was a lousy husband. I suddenly didn’t feel good, so I stopped drugs. No rehab. I’m a country squire. I live on a farm with dogs and chickens. All I want is to work. I’m dedicated to working. Listen, I’ve set up equipment inside an enormous dungeon in a huge castle in Wales. And worked. I felt creative.”

So there you have it. If you’re a pampered rock star and the drugs have gotten too much for you, the best thing to do is to cause havoc with a large cadaver and then put some equipment in a dungeon.

Simples.

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Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

What’s the scariest thing you can think of? If you said Mof Gimmers in a silk nightie we don’t blame you. You’re wrong though. What would be far scarier than that is a man morphing into a pig then morphing into a bat right in front of your freaking eyes. You don’t think that sounds scary? Well what if we told you the bat would fly up your butt then start the whole process again. Scary, right?

We thought so.

This story contains no further reference to bats flying up people’s butts. Let’s get that out of the way right now. It will contain plenty about a shape-shifter though. Just so you know – this particular creature doesn’t seem to have a cool name yet. We’d really like to see ‘Jack the Ripper II, Son of Jack’ catch on. It’s an established name and may really get this beast a solid publicity jumpstart.

And it could probably use that murderous tie in – because it sure isn’t earning a name on it’s own. This thing isn’t known to have ever harmed man nor beast.  As we understand things, you’d be more likely to be handed a doughnut when in this creatures vicinity than to have your throat bitten and mangled. Monsters nowadays are so lazy.

Here’s what we know, according to News24.com:

“”The community says that the monster changes shape while you are looking at it,” Warrant Officer Zandisile Nelani said.  He said one man had reported it changed from a man wearing a suit into a pig and then into a bat. The creature had been sighted on a number of occasions near a church and only appeared at night, Nelani said….Although some locals were frightened of it, it had not harmed any people or livestock.”

If we saw some guy in the middle of the night scream out in pain, writhe down to the moon-lit ground, disappear into his loose clothes and then emerge as a pig, we’d be 1) Pretty relieved that we probably weren’t about to die, and 2) Disappointed that no ancient ceremonial dance started the whole process.

Of course when the pig then turned into a bat, we’d probably reach for a broom and see if we couldn’t find a taxidermist with reasonable prices. If we could make it change shape while stuffed on a wooden base, well there’s probably some money up in there.

When Nicole Kidman starred in BMX Bandits, the world truly was her oyster. She was beautiful, she was fresh, and watching those two Australian bicyclists repeatedly steal ice cream cones from that fat kid was funny as funny can be.

She may as well hang it up though, because now she looks exactly like a large-browed bat. It's unknown whether or not she flies around blindly eating insects at night, but if what her face looks like now means anything, then surely she does. Plus, through most of Bewitched we think she had a squished mosquito stuck to her enamel.

Nicole Kidman looks like a hideous clean-shaven bat. She really does. Don't be down on us for saying it – we're just passing along news. It's a doctor what said it. Then we realised it was true.

Now we're not talking about conventional American sporting equipment here – we mean Kidman looks like one of those furry flying lizards that sucks your blood if you fall asleep at a night-time picnic. This isn't necessarily a bad thing though – at least now she can replace Heath Ledger in the third Batman movie. It'll save the studio a fortune on makeup, and honour the dead actor's greatest role. Batman. Batman was Heath Ledger's greatest role. It's not out yet but we feel the odds of this being true are more than astronomical.

A little hint for the caterers of Kidman's future movies – lay out a bunch of melon. Bats have historically craved the sweet, sweet nectar of a ripe melon – and they always flock to it. You'll see.

Now we're not the only one's who think Nic's face has been horribly morphed – in fact we're not the first ones to think it either. Dr Martin Braun is the one that said it first:

"Nicole seems to get her Botox done two or three weeks before a big event, so when she for instance, goes up on stage to collect her Academy Award she looks frozen and strange. She looks like a bat with too much of an (outer) brow lift. The middle of the brow's been dropped. She's crying when she accepts her Oscar, but nothing is moving."

Braun failed to mention exactly which genus of flying mammal the actress looks like, but we think it's the leaf-nosed bat, which is actually the only bat we've ever found ourselves the least bit attracted to. Sigh. It's just so dainty, sexy and small. Perhaps this bat-likeness is what Kidman's been striving for all along. It explains the time she wanted to simultaneously fly in every single helicopter down-under in a sky lit only by the palest moon. Or possibly at some other time. It also explains why Tom Cruise used to pepper himself with beetle innards and a spritz of cantaloupe juice before the evening's retirement. We heard that's why their marriage didn't work.

We didn't really hear that. Now in closing let us just say that looking like a bat isn't the worst thing in the world. After all, we loved one once. Her name was Ruby and she was eaten by cave snakes during a reshoot for that Planet Earth documentary.

That was the hardest day of all.

Read More:

Botox Expert: 'Kidman Looks Like A Bat' – Digital Spy