Guess what tech fans! Those Chinese tinkerers have made another copy of an Apple trademark that’s bound to cause a stir, if not entirely offend fanboys and turtle neck wearers everywhere.

Having already found success with the SciPhone and a full sized replica Apple store, those crown princes of piracy, the Chinese, have now created THE ULTIMATE ACTION FIGURE, in the form of Apple founder Steve Jobs.

Steve Jobs. ACTION figure. ACTION… Steve Jobs?

Girls have their Barbies, boys have their Action Men and now, the long forgotten subset of androgynous hipsters that swathe around Shoreditch coffee houses will have their own doll to play and sexually experiment with.

Naturally, being an Apple product (albeit a fake Apple product) it’s ludicrously expensive, costing a whopping £65, doesn’t work with flash and it can’t play any real games. Not that you’d want it to play games, no, this action figure is all about the way it helps you do your design work, isn’t it?

You smarmy tit.

Rather predictably, Apple haven’t responded to this trademark infringement well. After all, what was Steve Jobs if not another trademark for Apple to profit off of?

Apple issued a statement to the Daily Mail, saying:

“Mr Jobs has not consented to the use of his name and/or image in the product.”

NO SHIT SHERLOCK, HE’S DEAD! We’re no experts, but we’re pretty sure it’s never going to be the easiest thing in the world for a Chinese company to obtain the image licensing rights to a deceased technology behemoth.

Aside from stating the obvious in the Mail, Apple are believed to have started legal proceedings against the two companies behind the Steve Jobs iAction figure, InIcon and Dragon in Dream.

They’re also rumoured to be preparing a press statement for the Independent that will confirm that the Pope is indeed a Catholic.

Kids these days don’t know they’re born. What did we have to play with growing up? Lumps of coal and dysentery, that’s what.

But today’s kids? They’re so lucky. Do you know how hard it is for a six-year-old boy to create a overtly sexist tableaux of alienation, ruthlessness and mid-century social mobility with bits of coal? It’s almost completely impossible. The new generation of children, however, don’t have to put any of the legwork in – because a new range of Barbie dolls based on the hit TV show Mad Men has just been released.

It’s a genius idea, and one that we hope catches on soon. Because Mad Men Barbies are one thing, but a range of Transformers based on Stephen Poliakoff‘s 2006 television play Gideon’s Daughter? There isn’t a child in the land who wouldn’t want to unwrap that on Christmas day, surely.

For all the mountains of Doctor Who action figures around, the world of television merchandise is still lacking somewhat. For instance, we’d pay an entire year’s wages if it meant we could have an official Lost Claire’s Nightmarish Animal Skull Baby of our very own. And we’ve lusted after a Jack Bauer‘s My First Unethical Yet Necessary Torture Kit for years now. But, after becoming fans of Mad Men, there has been one item that we’ve wanted more than anything.

That’s right, a miniature official Mad Men Don Draper doll that appears to have stolen Dracula‘s hair, wears more mascara than Amy Winehouse after a night out on the crack and walks about in a suit so monumentally ill-fitting that he sort of looks like an undead teenager on the first day of a court case. And now, thanks to the super-brains at Mattel, that’s exactly what we’ve got. Hooray! The New York Times reports:

The dolls are part of a premium-price collectors’ series for adults that Mattel calls the Barbie Fashion Model Collection, with a suggested retail price of $74.95 each… “The dolls, we feel, do a great job of embodying the series,” said Stephanie Cota, senior vice president for Barbie marketing at Mattel in El Segundo, Calif. “Certain things are appropriate, and certain things aren’t.”

There’s a picture of the Mad Men Barbie dolls here. At least we assume that it’s a picture of the Mad Men Barbie dolls – it could just as easily be a picture of the Jenny Celerier From The Apprentice A Couple Of Years Ago Barbie doll, the Before And After Just For Men Masculine Hair Dye Ken dolls and an actual Barbie doll that’s had nothing done to it whatsoever.

But let’s just believe that they’re the real Mad Men Barbie dolls, though, even though the Roger Sterling doll sadly isn’t in blackface. Maybe that’ll be a limited edition doll in the future.

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