Articles tagged with: Barbara Walters
When Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with cancer last year he was initially given five weeks to live, a deadline he easily beat. But hold your horses, everyone. Just because he managed to beat one depressingly short cancer prognosis, Patrick Swayze wants everyone to know that he's not going to live forever. In fact, in a bleak reality check during an interview with Barbara Walters, Patrick Swayze has only given himself two more years. Patrick Swayze has got guts - making that admission while staring directly at a million-year-old bouffant Skeletor who logic dictates he should survive by several decades? That's bravery.
There's a saying in these parts: 'You can take the lady out of The View, but you can't stop her from screeching about it like a fat lunatic.' And it's true, too. Just the other week, Star Jones was screeching about The View like a fat lunatic and we don't even know who she is. And now it's the turn of Rosie O'Donnell to do the same, although helpfully since she acts like a fat lunatic most of the time anyway, it's easier for her. Rosie O'Donnell has been involved in a spat with the old Skeletor lady from The View because Rosie O'Donnell says everyone on The View hates each other and Skeletor lady says they don't. But it's much more interesting than that because... no, wait. It's not more interesting than that. That's literally as interesting as this gets. A fat lady has shouted at an old lady. As you were, everyone.
Readers, we can now die and go to heaven - we've just seen the most confusing and slightly gut-churning thing we'll ever see. It's a picture of Thomas Beatie - the famous pregnant man from a few months ago - topless, pregnant and flexing his biceps into a mirror. It's weird. It's like that scene from American Psycho where Christian Bale is gazing at his muscles in the middle of the threesome, but a few months after he's managed to get himself pregnant. Weird. Weird. Why are we telling you this? Because we saw it while reading that Thomas Beatie has got himself pregnant again. Look, we know what you're thinking - usually one child is enough for a bearded mother of nonspecific gender - but we can totally see his rationale behind getting pregnant again. Now Thomas Beatie's children will both have someone to cling onto in terror when their parents tell them how they were born.
This just in - Peter Cook is a legend. An absolute dyed-in-the-wool cast iron legend that every man on Earth should regard as a hero. Why? Because even though Peter Cook's supermodel wife Christie Brinkley recently divorced him after he a) had it off with a teenager he met in a toystore and b) started spending $3,000 a month on internet pornography, Peter Cook says that the divorce was absolutely not his fault at all. Better still, Peter Cook blames the divorce squarely on Christie Brinkley, because she didn't thank him for being him as much as he wanted. Peter Cook said all this in an interview with Barbara Walters in an effort to stop him being branded as a "scumbag pervert." And we're pretty sure he's got his wish - we believe the term is "egomaniac scumbag pervert dimwit" now.
This might come as a shock to some of you, so prepare yourselves - Britney Spears is mentally unwell.
And that might not be new - we guessed that the moment Britney shacked up with Kevin Federline - but Britney Spears' manager Sam Lufti has apparently told Barbara Walters that Britney suffers from "mental issues" that she's seeking treatment for.
And how did Britney Spears celebrate this news? By having a gigantic fight with Sam Lufti and then sobbing on a pavement in front of the whole world. In case we didn't already get the message.
If any of you want to appear fascinating to Barbara Walters, here's a tip - why not try splitting your time between humourless self-absorption and badly-tuned mewing with a touring nostalgic pop act?
Because that's what Victoria Beckham has done, and it's got her into Barbara Walters' prestigious 10 Most Fascinating People Of The Year list. Although her complete failure to establish herself as an actress or presenter on American TV might make it look as if Victoria Beckham has had a massively depressing year, at least the inclusion on Barbara Walters' fascinating list means it hasn't been a total disaster. And we're so happy for her that we're willing to overlook the fact that Barbara Walters calling Victoria Beckham fascinating is basically an admission that 2007 was so drearily unfascinating that everyone might as just suffocate themselves to death in their sleep tonight.
