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Barack Obama

Hey, Look! It’s the Barack Obama Irish Song

by Matthew Laidlow

During the whole presidential election thing, many people picked up on the small detail that Barack Obama was an African American.

His rival John McCain was not an African American. People claim that some members of the American population would hold this against Mr Obama. Others though would embrace the change and vote for someone who didn’t bang on about a war he was involved in last millennium.

Now, this may have been deliberately kept back from his campaign, but Barack Obama has Irish roots! Granted they are ridiculously diluted with his great-great Grandfather living here, but so what! The UK now has a watered down link with him and it’s all been put in to a song that sounds like it was all improved by a man drunk on Guinness. Enjoy.

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New Will.I.Am Song Makes Everyone Slightly Regret Voting Obama

by Stuart Heritage

Listen, we know a lot of you voted for Barack Obama because you thought it’d stop Will.I.Am from writing crappy songs about him.

But, look, it hasn’t worked. Even though Will.I.Am’s awful habit of roping in celebrities like Jessica Alba and Scarlett Johansson to perform sappy Hallmark-style songs like Yes We Can and Omigod Obama Just Touched Me (I’m Never Washing My Hand Again LOL!!!1!!) probably put Barack Obama’s chances of becoming president in greater jeopardy than any of that William Ayers stuff, he’s at it again.

Today Will.I.Am debuted his new Obama victory song It’s A New Day on Oprah. It might seem incredibly precient of Will.I.Am to have written and recorded such a song as timely as It’s A New Day so soon after Barack Obama’s historic election win, but it’s really not – he also had another song lined up in case John McCain won. But sadly I Hate You, Stupid Old Man (And Jessica Alba Agrees) will now never see the light of day.

Listen, we know a lot of you voted for Barack Obama because you thought it'd stop Will.I.Am from writing crappy songs about him. But, look, it hasn't worked. Even though Will.I.Am's awful habit of roping in celebrities like Jessica Alba and Scarlett Johansson to perform sappy Hallmark-style songs like Yes We Can and Omigod Obama Just Touched Me (I'm Never Washing My Hand Again LOL!!!1!!) probably put Barack Obama's chances of becoming president in greater jeopardy than any of that William Ayers stuff, he's at it again. Today Will.I.Am debuted his new Obama victory song It's A New Day on Oprah. It might seem incredibly precient of Will.I.Am to have written and recorded such a song as timely as It's A New Day so soon after Barack Obama's historic election win, but it's really not - he also had another song lined up in case John McCain won. But sadly I Hate You, Stupid Old Man (And Jessica Alba Agrees) will now never see the light of day.
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

Butter side up and butter side down.

Folded:

* Straw Hat Samurai (don’t pass the time – kill it)
* Quantum of Solace (Bond gets drunk!)
* Judge Dredd preview from 1995 (just because it features about the most famous trailer music ever)
* Muller Corner: ‘Mix It Up’ (this is funnier than it should be. Load of corporate tosh)
* Barack Obama (nice new home for you…)

Creased:

* John McCain (…rest home for you)
* Saints Row 2 (If you didn’t like GTA IV you will like this – and that would be very wrong on both counts)
* BBC iPlayer (takes so long to do anything that by the time you’ve downloaded a programme it has already been repeated on the telly)
* Richard Hammond’s hair (the crisis is too mid-life for words)
* Bonfire Night. Done (so it’s almost that time of year again. That’s right….I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! Yey! Suicide!)

Butter side up and butter side down. Folded: * Straw Hat Samurai (don’t pass the time – kill it) * Quantum of Solace (Bond gets drunk!) * Judge Dredd preview from 1995 (just because it features about the most famous trailer music ever) * Muller Corner: ‘Mix It Up’ (this is funnier than it should be. Load of corporate tosh) * Barack Obama (nice new home for you...) Creased: * John McCain (...rest home for you) * Saints Row 2 (If you didn’t like GTA IV you will like this – and that would be very wrong on both counts) * BBC iPlayer (takes so long to do anything that by the time you’ve downloaded a programme it has already been repeated on the telly) * Richard Hammond’s hair (the crisis is too mid-life for words) * Bonfire Night. Done (so it’s almost that time of year again. That’s right....I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! Yey! Suicide!)
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The View: Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s Concession Speech Unites America

by Stuart Heritage

On The View yesterday, bets were on as to exactly when Elisabeth Hasselbeck would spontaneously combust and/or claw wildly at her own face.

Because, judging by her fervent campaigning for the Republican party, Tuesday’s election win for Barack Obama seemed like literally the worst thing that could possibly ever happen to Elisabeth Hasselbeck in her entire life. But on The View yesterday, something strange happened.

On The View yesterday, Elisabeth Hasselbeck gracefully admitted defeat and declared her support for the president-elect. And, thanks to Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s elegant speech, the partisan schisms that threatened to tear America apart were instantly healed. Well, in the parts of America that watch The View, anyway. So the chronically old and unemployed parts that can’t find their remote control to change channel. Isn’t that enough?

On The View yesterday, bets were on as to exactly when Elisabeth Hasselbeck would spontaneously combust and/or claw wildly at her own face. Because, judging by her fervent campaigning for the Republican party, Tuesday's election win for Barack Obama seemed like literally the worst thing that could possibly ever happen to Elisabeth Hasselbeck in her entire life. But on The View yesterday, something strange happened. On The View yesterday, Elisabeth Hasselbeck gracefully admitted defeat and declared her support for the president-elect. And, thanks to Elisabeth Hasselbeck's elegant speech, the partisan schisms that threatened to tear America apart were instantly healed. Well, in the parts of America that watch The View, anyway. So the chronically old and unemployed parts that can't find their remote control to change channel. Isn't that enough?
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Carrie Underwood Really Doesn’t Care How You Voted

by Stuart Heritage

A momentous, world-shaping thing happened last night – we learnt that you can put a shark into a trance by holding it upside down.

Oh, and also there was something about an election. Or something. Apparently Barack Obama gets to be president of America now, and that’s something we’re putting down to the huge array of celebrities who endorsed him. True, Obama’s lack of top-level experience may be a concern, but Barbara Streisand says he’s OK, and she sang You Don’t Bring Me Flowers. Ergo he’s the best man for the job.

Just don’t tell that to Carrie Underwood. Carrie Underwood has got so sick of hearing celebrity political endorsements that she’s ranted about it to TV Guide. And rightly so – it’s wrong that celebrities get to abuse their position by publicly broadcasting their badly thought-out opinions in the mistaken belief that they’re more important than everyone else. So thank you Carrie Underwood for doing, um, that exact thing.

A momentous, world-shaping thing happened last night - we learnt that you can put a shark into a trance by holding it upside down. Oh, and also there was something about an election. Or something. Apparently Barack Obama gets to be president of America now, and that's something we're putting down to the huge array of celebrities who endorsed him. True, Obama's lack of top-level experience may be a concern, but Barbara Streisand says he's OK, and she sang You Don't Bring Me Flowers. Ergo he's the best man for the job. Just don't tell that to Carrie Underwood. Carrie Underwood has got so sick of hearing celebrity political endorsements that she's ranted about it to TV Guide. And rightly so - it's wrong that celebrities get to abuse their position by publicly broadcasting their badly thought-out opinions in the mistaken belief that they're more important than everyone else. So thank you Carrie Underwood for doing, um, that exact thing.
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Lindsay Lohan’s Dad Chucks A Tizzy Over Barack Obama Snub

by Stuart Heritage

When Barack Obama declined Lindsay Lohan’s recent offer to help out with the whole election thing, he clearly didn’t know what he was getting himself into.

That’s because he didn’t know what a tidal wave of raw outrage he’d provoke from Lindsay Lohan’s millions of adoring fans. Well, OK, not really adoring. And there weren’t millions of them, either. And the term ‘fans’ is pushing it as well, come to think of it.

In fact, the sum of the backlash that Barack Obama has faced after turning down Lindsay Lohan’s offer of help is one email. One email from Lindsay Lohan’s dad. One email from Lindsay Lohan’s dad that wasn’t even directly addressed to Barack Obama and was only written because Lindsay Lohan’s dad is weirdly compelled to make a public comment about Lindsay Lohan every time she even so much as farts because he wants to make up for being a bad father. So, yeah, watch out Obama you big sod.

When Barack Obama declined Lindsay Lohan's recent offer to help out with the whole election thing, he clearly didn't know what he was getting himself into. That's because he didn't know what a tidal wave of raw outrage he'd provoke from Lindsay Lohan's millions of adoring fans. Well, OK, not really adoring. And there weren't millions of them, either. And the term 'fans' is pushing it as well, come to think of it. In fact, the sum of the backlash that Barack Obama has faced after turning down Lindsay Lohan's offer of help is one email. One email from Lindsay Lohan's dad. One email from Lindsay Lohan's dad that wasn't even directly addressed to Barack Obama and was only written because Lindsay Lohan's dad is weirdly compelled to make a public comment about Lindsay Lohan every time she even so much as farts because he wants to make up for being a bad father. So, yeah, watch out Obama you big sod.
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Everyone Gets All Gooey Over Michelle Obama

by Stuart Heritage

The US general election is right around the corner, by which we mean that it’s weeks and weeks and weeks away.

But that hasn’t stopped everyone wigging out about it, though. It’s been reported that people are so behind Barack Obama this year that 22.3 million people watched Monday’s Democratic convention speech by his wife, Michelle Obama. 22.3 million people watching a woman basically just bang on about her feelings for ages? That’s impressive. Mental, but impressive.

You can tell from this that things are really gearing up for Barack Obama, and things are definitely falling into place for that fateful day when he inevitably loses the election and everyone goes home feeling a bit deflated.

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George Clooney Isn’t Telling Barack Obama What to do, Just Everyone Else in the World

by Ian Dransfield

George Clooney may well be a huge ball of smugness, thinking he knows better than all of us – but he doesn’t think that highly of himself, it would appear. Well, he probably does still think highly of himself. In fact, there’s no ‘probably’ about it. Anyway, Georgey apparently doesn’t think enough of himself to [...]

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Barack Obama is a Hybrid of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, Apparently

by Ian Dransfield

The race for US presidency isn’t something we’re likely to cover very much on these pages – it’s too divisive even for us. Plus we’re British-based, so we’re legally not allowed an opinion. Non-partisan as hecklerspray may be though (you vote for who you actually want to vote for), we can’t help but feel something [...]

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Barack Obama Regrets Whoring His Kids Out For Interviews

by Stuart Heritage

Everyone loves a president’s daughter – be it the drunk-looking Bush twin or Chelsea Clinton with all that problem hair of hers.

OK, we take that back. Nobody loves a president’s daughter. Nobody at all. In retrospect we probably should have said that presidents’ daughters are all kind of dickish. But that hasn’t stopped presidential hopeful Barack Obama from letting his two daughters – aged seven and 10 – get interviewed by Access Hollywood this week.

Except that Barack Obama wishes that the interview had never taken place. Barack Obama thinks it’s wrong for children to be brought into a political arena. Politics should never adopt cute imagery that cynically tugs on the heartstrings of potential voters, Obama told Matt Lauer today while dressed as a teddy bear and dancing to On The Good Ship Lollipop before adding “I wuv you, Amewica.”

Everyone loves a president's daughter - be it the drunk-looking Bush twin or Chelsea Clinton with all that problem hair of hers. OK, we take that back. Nobody loves a president's daughter. Nobody at all. In retrospect we probably should have said that presidents' daughters are all kind of dickish. But that hasn't stopped presidential hopeful Barack Obama from letting his two daughters - aged seven and 10 - get interviewed by Access Hollywood this week. Except that Barack Obama wishes that the interview had never taken place. Barack Obama thinks it's wrong for children to be brought into a political arena. Politics should never adopt cute imagery that cynically tugs on the heartstrings of potential voters, Obama told Matt Lauer today while dressed as a teddy bear and dancing to On The Good Ship Lollipop before adding "I wuv you, Amewica."
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