You are? Well have we got some good news for you! Phish – the defunct jam-band predominantly famous for a) having some ice cream named after it and b) totally soundtracking that epic hacky sack marathon you and your buddies had in your parent’s backyard one afternoon back when you were 28 – are reuniting.

Phish have announced three special comeback dates in Virginia for next March, their first since disbanding in 2004. We’ll definitely be attending the Phish reunion shows – it’s been too long since we last caught beard nits off a hippy after stumbling into the middle of a drearily self-satisfied drum circle in the carpark of an old WWF arena.

Rolling Stone once called Phish ‘one of the most important bands of the Nineties’ – recognition that puts them right up there with Kula Shaker, Sugar Ray and the band that did the theme tune to Friends.

But it’s easy to see why Phish received a title like that – more than most bands, Phish flourished because of the community behind them. Their meandering, overlong, improvised jazz fusion jam workouts were simply a soundtrack to huge open-air festivals where friends could meet, play frisbee, get ripped to the tits on stolen cough medicine and twirl around like cocks in a spirit of universal brotherhood.

So it was a bittersweet day when Phish announced that they were splitting up in 2004. True, it meant that you’d never get to see a group of millionaires in their forties play 20 songs in a row that all seem to sound exactly like the one that directly preceded it in a disused airbase any more, but at least the spirit of Phish would live on in that delicious Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavour and the crappy rave scene from The Matrix Reloaded.

Until now. Because now, you see, Phish are back. According to The LA Times:

The Vermont-based jam band, will reunite for shows March 6-8 in Hampton, Va., and is expected to announce additional performances for 2009. Rumors of a reunion have been heating up since… three of the four Phish members played together in July at the Rothbury Festival in Michigan. All four showed up last month and played at the wedding of their road manager Brad Sands.

Phish played at a wedding? We’re not sure how we feel about that. On one hand it’d probably be quite fun to see all your elderly relatives get so overwhelmed by the band’s elaborate jazz-rock grooves that they end up buying a bunch of laughing gas balloons from a hippy in the corner. But on the other hand The Squirming Coil isn’t exactly Agadoo, is it?

But still, we’re genuinely pleased that Phish are getting back together – and more pleased that their first shows aren’t until March. Because that’ll give you plenty of time to ditch your job at the law firm and dedicate your life to getting your beard long enough to put elastic bands in again. It’ll be fun.

While the USA, China, India and other big fuck off countries do nothing to force their citizens into any vague ecological action, it’s the UK that suffers. Rubbish pop stars and crap celebrities rally round to try and make us believe they give a shit and shake off any twatty image they may have.

How do they do this? That’s right, by song. Which is why indie twig Johnny Borrell is going to environmentally gig it up with a band made up of MPs. Maybe they’ll cover the cost by putting it on their expenses.

What’s this? Could Johnny Borrell really be sacking everyone in Razorlight to join a rock band made of politicians? If it’s true, angry speak from fans like IloVEu4EvErJoHNe on the Razorlight fan forum will go along the lines of “omg I hope you’re not replacing the band with these dad rockerz. Wot ave u done?”

But wait -  before outraged Razorlight fans rally everyone round to start a huge fire and probably emit more carbon gases, we are sadly informed to tell you that Razorlight is intact. This is all just some awful malformed charity gig.

Yup, Johnny Borrell wants to play some happy clappy tunes with the people who brainwash us into thinking that sausages give us cancer and that we’re all single handily breaking the planet. You know the planet – the thing that’s been around for a few billion years and ain’t split in half just yet.

In order to raise some money for climate change and definitely not to use as money for down the pub, Johnny Borrell has enlisted some powerful friends to help him out. As the NME reports:

“The five politicians, including Lembit Opik, will perform a rendition of John Denver’s ‘Leaving On A Jet Plane’ in the museum’s Aviation Room to highlight the campaign’s main point. As well as Opik, the band of cross-party MPs dubbing themselves The Aviators features the SNP’s Peter Wishart, Conservative Anne Milton and Labour’s Emily Thornberry and Ian Cawsey.”

Yeah, that’ll stop global warming – an indie twat and five nondescript politicians singing a John Denver song in a museum. Take that, slowing Atlantic thermoelastic circulation! Seriously, who are these people? No, really, we don’t know who any of them are.

We aren’t too familiar with politicians. Maybe if they printed up some MP stickers we’d be a bit more familiar with them. Honestly, it would be like a grown-up version of football stickers. We’re sure The Financial Times could give away a pack everyday and you could spend your precious lunch hour swapping Gordon Brown for that elusive Alistair Darling shiny.

Lembit Opik is the only person we know from Borrell’s all-star line up. And that’s only because he has a name that sounds like something that would be served with a curry. And also because he’s married to a Cheeky Girl. Or as she calls him, “a ticket to a UK passport.”

Read more:

Razorlight’s Johnny Borrell to perform with Lembit Opik – NME