Bai Ling has pleaded guilty to disturbing the peace following her arrest at LAX last month. You'll remember that Bai Ling was arrested for shoplifting two copies of Star magazine and a packet of batteries from an airport shop in a state of high emotional trauma.

And that amounts to disturbing the peace? No, of course it isn't. What happened was that Bai Ling worked out a deal with prosecutors allowing her to plead guilty to disturbing the peace to keep the other, more shameful, crime from her records. That crime is obviously being a reader of Star magazine.

If ever anyone decides to make an Ocean's 14 – and God help us all if they do – then they'd be wise to sign up Bai Ling to star as the strategic mastermind behind Clooney and the gang's elaborate crime. However, for the sake of accuracy, the plot would have to forgo the complex machinations of top-secret casino heists and just focus on dressing Matt Damon up in a lovely frock and making him nick a couple of celebrity magazines from a newsagents while looking all sad.

Because that's what Bai Ling excels at. No, actually that's a lie. Bai Ling excels at having rubbish haircuts and being quite quick to show off her boobs. She's rubbish at shoplifting.

So rubbish, in fact, that she got arrested for it. Although there are no excuses for trying to steal two copies of a magazine and some batteries from an airport store, Bai Ling did her best to find one and said that she only stole because her boyfriend dumped her right before Valentine's Day. And, just days after she was charged with the crime, Bai Ling has pleaded guilty. People reports:

Bai Ling pleaded guilty Wednesday to disturbing the peace in a case stemming from her arrest at LAX for stealing two Star magazines and a package of batteries, totaling $16.22. Although she was formally charged with petty theft Monday, prosecutors agreed to let Bai plead to the alternative charge, said L.A. City Attorney rep Frank Mateljan. The actress was ordered to pay a fine and penalties totaling $700. 

Now before you start making little straw effigies of Bai Ling and run out into the streets waving them around in flames as a sort of confusing protest, let's not forget that Bai Ling is the innocent party here. Not only was she upset because her boyfriend dumped her, but who hasn't entertained the thought of stealing two copies of Star magazine and some batteries from an airport shop at some point? We know we have.

Face it, Bai Ling just succumbed to something we've all felt – at one point or another, everyone has seen the cover of a celebrity magazine and felt the internal tug between being intrigued by the promise of seeing the 86 best celebrity beach bodies and the burning sense of crushing shame that would come from actually paying for it.

But why did Bai Ling steal two copies of Star magazine and not just one? Simple – she needed one copy for each eye. After all, what's better than reading about Angelina Jolie's pregnancy? Getting two copies of Star magazine, holding them next to each other, going cross-eyed and reading about Angelina Jolie's pregnancy in 3D, magic eye-style. 

And what about the batteries? What did Bai Ling steal those for? We don't know. Probably a dildo.

Read more:

Bai Ling Pleads Guilty to Disturbing the Peace – People 

And, on that watertight basis, we feel confident in saying that Bai Ling is basically worse than Hitler, Attila The Hun and the Cloverfield monster combined. They may have done some terrible things, but at least they didn't steal batteries from an airport.

Bai Ling has now been formally charged with this petty theft, and if she's found guilty her punishment will either be an eternity spent thrashing around in unendurable pain in the screaming fiery depths of hell or a $250 fine. Whichever's easiest.

Bai Ling – star of one episode of Entourage, one episode of Lost, several awful haircuts and all of those websites that collects pictures of celebrity nipple slips – doesn't respond well to rejection, it's fair to say.

In fact, it's probably fair to say that Bai Ling is an emotionally-fraught wreck. You'll remember that after Bai Ling was arrested last month for stealing two copies of Star magazine and some batteries – total worth: $16.22 – Bai blamed it on the fact that she'd split up with her boyfriend right before Valentine's Day and the emotional knock turned her into a mean-ass petty kleptomaniac.

It's a great ploy, blaming your mistakes on the bad things that have happened to you – perhaps next week Bail Ling will say she only made Wild Wild West because a cat pooed on her front lawn once – but that's beside the point, because Bai Ling has been charged with the theft, as the Associated Press reports:

Chinese actress Bai Ling was charged Monday with petty theft and accused of shoplifting a pack of batteries and two Star magazines at Los Angeles International Airport. Bai tried to take $16.22 worth of items, said city attorney spokesman Frank Mateljan. She faces a $250 fine. Her arraignment was scheduled for Wednesday, when Ling could contest the misdemeanor infraction or pay the fine, Mateljan said.

A $250 fine for two magazines and a packet of batteries? That seems a little bit heavy-handed to us. Bai Ling shouldn't let the justice system walk over over her like this. She should fight this charge. Bai Ling should fight! With a bit of nous and a refusal to roll over, Bai Ling could set a precedent and go down in history as the woman who made it OK to steal things because you're a bit sad.

Which, we can all agree, is preferable to going down in history as the woman out of Taxi 3.

Read more:

Bai Ling Charged With Petty Theft - AP 

In a relationship? Valentine's Day will make you grumble about spending £1.70 on a card. Single? Valentine's Day will make you feel worthless and unloved. Bai Ling? Valentine's Day will make you steal magazines and batteries to the value of $16 from an airport store before you're caught and arrested.

Bai Ling – star of no good films ever – was arrested for shoplifting on Wednesday, and she blames it on splitting up with a boy right before Valentine's Day. Makes sense – sometimes the only things that can mend a broken heart are some celebrity magazines and batteries to the value of $16.

We've never really written about Bai Ling before, but that's because we weren't even sure if she qualifies as a celebrity. Yes, Bai Ling may have been in such cinematic masterpieces as Wild Wild West and Taxi 3 - which cinematically puts her up there with Dame Helen Mirren – but, well, we've just never really seen the point of her other than a funny a haircut and the slight idea that she looks a bit dirty.

And then Bai Ling went shoptlifting for some rubbish items and blamed it on a boy who made her sad. Welcome in, Bai, welcome in.

Apparently Bail Ling was due to fly from LA to Albuquerque for a film on Wednesday, but she was collared by a gift shop employee for trying to leave without paying for two celebrity magazines and two packets of batteries. True, it's not quite as decent airport entertainment as wetting yourself or vomiting champagne all over the place, but it's a start.

However, we shouldn't look upon Bai Ling's arrest as a bad thing, because we have much to take from it. Firstly, she looks on the verge of tears in her mugshot, which is a refreshing departure from arrested celebrities looking all adorable, and secondly, Bai Ling has the universe's best excuse for the arrest, as E! Online reports:

The 37-year-old actress and scenester exclusively tells E! News that she split with her new boyfriend Wednesday before she was scheduled to fly from LAX to New Mexico to begin shooting a film, turning it into an "emotionally crazy" day for her. She was dealing with the "huge problem of breaking up [before] Valentine's Day" when she was arrested for shoplifting, Ling said, adding, simply, "Wrong boyfriend."

It's actually quite sad, really, and we wish our emotionally-detached hearts were more like Bai Ling's, and that the visceral pain of a break-up could only be soothed by wandering into a gift store and trying to hamfistedly nick a bunch of stuff. So, yes, Bai Ling has our pity.

Enough pity to make us watch one of her films? No. We're not fucking mental.

Read more:

Bai Ling Blames Bust on Breakup - E! Online