The BBC isn’t really known for being too daring with its programming. After all, that’s not really what dear old Auntie is about, is it? The Beeb is there to provide us with banal, safe and somewhat beige programming like My Family or Songs of Praise.
Although there is the odd foray into the risqué, which takes the form of some tripe that’s written by Susan Nickson of Two Pints of Lager & A Packet of Crisps/Grown Ups/Coming of Age fame. You know, those shows that are so bad that even the trailers aren’t funny.
But the BBC has taken the brave choice of broadcasting someone’s death on national television.
Last night The Hurt Locker swept the board at the BAFTAs, winning six awards. But screw all that.
Because we were there too. As is becoming gloriously traditional, hecklerspray was invited to cover the BAFTAs red carpet. And, as is becoming equally traditional, we were abysmal. While we may have seen the likes of James Cameron and Prince William and Robert Pattinson from a distance, our freakish proximity to George Lamb from BBC Three meant that most of these people sensibly kept as far away from us as possible.
What follows is a video diary of the night. It’s intended to be a first-hand account of A-list BAFTAs glamour. You, on the other hand, might see it as the painful unravelling of one man’s mind as he slowly realises that he’s desperately in love with George Lamb from Young Butcher Of The Year. Please enjoy, and promise not to judge us too harshly…
Usually we have a simple rule when it comes to picking our favourites for the BAFTA Orange Rising Star – go with the prettiest girl.
But this year we’ve decided not to be so superficial. This year we’ve decided that we want Nicholas Hoult to win the award, because we quite like the fluffy sweater he wears in his new film. So make it so, everyone. Vote for Nicholas Hoult’s lovely sweater to win the BAFTA. Do it for us!
Video evidence of the lovely sweater in question, plus voting links, after the jump…
Will that change at this year’s BATFAs? Probably not, no. But now you – yes, YOU – can be involved with the BAFTAs too, by voting for the BAFTA Orange Rising Star award. This year, the award is going to go to either Curlychops from Zombieland, Skins Git, Boycut from An Education, Some French Bloke and Horseface from Twilight – and you get to choose which one.
After the jump, video evidence of why they’re all quite good actors, and a chance for you to vote. Do it. Do it for us…
If you believe that the BAFTAs act as a bellweather for the Oscars, then Slumdog Millionaire will win all the Oscars.
Also, the Oscars are going to be really bloody drizzly. Because that happened at the BAFTAs too. But anyway, Slumdog Millionaire was the big winner at last night’s BAFTA awards, scooping Best Film, Best Director, Best Music, Best Cinematography, Best Editing and Best Adapted Screenplay. Why? Because it’s principally British? No. Well, yes. A bit.
But Slumdog Millionaire wasn’t the only thing to leave the BAFTAs with anything. We left with the onset of trenchfoot. Eat that, Dev Patel.
As we may have mentioned already, last night hecklerspray got to report from the red carpet at the 2009 BAFTAs.
And, it’s fair to say, we were rubbish. Thanks to a mixture of horrible weather, a position on the BAFTAs red carpet directly opposite all the real journalists and our own genuinely backwards people skills, we ended up coming away from the BAFTAs with nothing more than trenchfoot, a lack of feeling in any of our extremities and this slightly humiliating video.
We’ll have a full BAFTA report coming up in a few hours – but in the meantime, do feel free to revel in this visual evidence of our thundering social ineptitude.
We love the BAFTAS. They’re just like the Oscars, except they’re British and nobody famous ever turns up. Amazing.
However, one thing annoys us about the BAFTAs, and that’s the suspicion that they’re only voted for by elderly men who live alone, only wear smoking jackets and call everybody ‘darling’ all the time. But not this year.
This year you people get a chance to vote for the winner of one BAFTA award – the Orange Rising Star award. Why are we telling you this? It’s simple. Last year the winner of the Orange Rising Star award was Shia LaBeouf. Shia LaTittingBeouf. THIS MUST NOT HAPPEN AGAIN. Do you understand? We’re not even partially joking with you.
This year’s Orange Rising Star nominations have just been released, and it’s down to you to vote for the winner. But who are the nominations? Here you go…
THAT BELLEND FROM ROCKANDROLLA
THAT BELLEND FROM HUNGER
THAT BELLEND FROM ADULTHOOD
THE LOVELY, TALENTED, BEAUTIFUL AND EFFORTLESSLY WONDERFUL REBECCA HALL
THAT BELLEND FROM SUPERBAD
Ready to vote for Rebecca Hall, or any of the other Orange Rising Star award nominees whose names have temporarily escaped our mind? Good, then you can vote for the winner on the Orange website right now.
Apparently there’s also a prize draw where, if you vote, you stand a chance of winning tickets to next month’s BAFTAs. Since Rebecca Hall is almost certainly going to be there, that would make it the greatest evening of your life. So you know what to do.
With the Golden Globes cancelled and the Oscars and Grammys looking likely to go the same way, what are the biggest awards around?
That’s right, the BAFTAs. And because the BAFTAs are British, it’s only right that it should focus on British films. And because the only British film made in the last year was Atonement, it stands to reason that Atonement should get so many BAFTA nominations that we actually feel a little bit embarrassed for it.
Even though it’s sodding Atonement, for sod’s sake.
The BBC isn’t really known for being too daring with its programming. After all, that’s not really what dear old Auntie is about, is it? The Beeb is there to provide us with banal, safe and somewhat beige programming like My Family or Songs of Praise.
