Articles tagged with: Awards
Phew, the summer movie season is over - now we can enjoy the more thoughtful awards season movies instead, like, um, The Dark Knight. You see, even though every single living organism on the face of the Earth has already been to see The Dark Knight about 17 times already, producers are scared that the Academy will forget about it come Oscar nomination time, which is why they've pencilled in another theatrical release of The Dark Knight for January. Of course, by January The Dark Knight's bloated special effects are going to look foolish up against the more intelligent, issue-led fare of awards season, which is why Christopher Nolan is currently busy re-editing the movie to make Batman look like the widower of mentally-disabled United Nations worker killed in Darfur by a missile built in Iraq but funded by the American government, who are obviously the real baddies in all of this.
It’s a little later in the week than we’re used to seeing it but, here’s this week’s drunken catastrophe, folks: Lily Allen.
Who had bets on Lily Allen for this week? Odds were vastly in favor of another Amy Winehouse meltdown, but when Lily Allen showed up at the Glamour Magazine awards with bright pink hair and that glistening, boozy glow, she quickly became the hammered, career plummeting favourite.
And sure not to disappoint, we can all enjoy Lily Allen’s victory speech, also known as the morning after regretful blog entry.
This might come as a shock to those of you who thought that Phil Collins had already retired, but here goes - Phil Collins has just retired. At yesterday's Ivor Novello Awards, where we assume he won the Baldest Man To Have His Career Partially Resuscitated By A Drumming Monkey award, Phil Collins emotionally announced that he was retiring from the limelight to focus on raising his two young sons in Switzerland. So now we'll have to get used to a world without Phil Collins - a world where bad Disney cartoons about bears are left without a soundtrack, a world where Buster 2 will never materialise, and a world where both Noel Edmonds and Jeremy Clarkson will mope about in a fug of perpetual misery forever. So it's not all bad, then.
We love sports. Sports are awesome.
We love watching that Kobe Byrant shoot touchdowns and that guy Jessica Simpson is dating do really bad at footballing stuff when she’s watching the match. But just once instead of the quarterback yelling plays we’d like him to yell "Blue, Shimmy-two! Blue, Shimmy-two!", and see the entire offensive line bust into some dancing, boy band-style.
Well, we may be in luck because Justin Timberlake is slated to host the 16th annual ESPY awards this year on ESPN. It was a tough decision for the folks at ESPN, but this year clearly wasn’t the right time Clay Aiken. Go, JT!
We've come to realise that it's just a matter of time before Miley Cyrus has us all in the iron grip of a malevolent dictatorship now.
Why? Well, as if having a top-rated TV show, a number one movie and a bunch of chart-topping albums, isn't enough, now it's been revealed that Miley Cyrus is going to host the CMT awards.
You heard correctly - Miley Cyrus is going to host this year's CMT awards. The world's third-biggest country and western-themed awards show. It doesn't get much bigger than that. Apart from the world's second-biggest country and western-themed awards show, or the world's first-biggest country and western-themed awards show. Or any other awards show at all. Is there no stopping this Miley Cyrus woman?
The whole 'Angelina Jolie: is she pregnant or isn't she pregnant' debate has literally been the one major talking point of everyone in the universe over the last few weeks.
Actually, that's a lie. The 'Angelina Jolie: is she pregnant or isn't she pregnant' debate hasn't been anything like a talking point at all because the answer is yes, Angelina Jolie is very obviously pregnant and only an idiot would question it.
And to make it clearer, Angelina Jolie was seen at an awards show this weekend in a tiny dress with her belly poking out. So it's either pregnancy or irritable bowel syndrome; something we've chosen to uncover by hooking a secret microphone up to Angelina Jolie's arse and measuring how loud and messy-sounding all her farts are. Honestly, you can thank us later.
This weekend it emerged that a 10-tonne satellite the size of a bus will smash into Earth at 22,000mph in the next couple of weeks - leaking all sorts of hazardous substances - and nobody knows where it'll hit, putting millions at risk.
In other news, some actors think that Daniel Day-Lewis is quite good at acting.
The SAG awards took place last night, and because it's just about the only awards show where nobody will get booed by the people who write Smallville just for attending, almost every single actor in the world turned up. And by now you'll already be able to guess who won.
There Will Be Blood - the film about how many words Daniel Day-Lewis can say in a funny voice within the space of two and a half hours - is really doing rather well at winning awards this year.
Although it has already won a bunch of awards already, There Will Be Blood is still gaining momentum all the time, picking up a handful of awards at Saturday night's National Society Of Film Critics awards in New York for Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Director and Best Cinematography. Now, the continuing success of There Will Be Blood - along with that of its rivals No Country For Old Men and Into The Wild - might make it look as if I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry has been edged out of the Oscars running, but we still live in eternal hope that Blake Clark gets the credit he deserves for imbuing Crazy Homeless Man with such dignified pathos.
