Award - HecklerSpray

Protest At Grammy Awards Planned Because It Looks A Bit Racist These Days

February 9th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Awards ceremonies are pointless, unless you win something at one of them. Then they’re the best thing ever for all of around 5 seconds (basically, ’til the free bar is closed). So should we get worked up about them??

OF COURSE WE SHOULD! These junkets are there to be mocked mercilessly. They are arbiters of taste and all that is deemed good, so everyone should gather round them and poke them with as many pointed sticks as they can get their awful, grubby little hands on.

So you’ll be thrilled to know that a bunch of musicians are going to hold a protest?outside Sunday’s Grammy Awards ceremony over a decision to unceremoniously axe 31 ‘ethnic and minority musical categories’ from the bash.

Leona Lewis Goes On And On And On About How She Isn’t Boring

May 31st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

When conducting an interview with Leona Lewis, it is best to set a tape recorder running because, should you fall asleep with tedium (an absolutely certainty), you’ll still get a document of the words she says.

Alas, the problem is, is that, when you listen to those same words back, you’ll fall into a coma all over again, leaving you with a predicament. hecklerspray tends to rig a car battery to the soft, delicate skin of the genital area to keep us from wholly passing-out.

And yet, despite this, Leona Lewis has the audacity to suggest that she isn’t boring at all. She’s not boring, because she says she isn’t boring. Not because she actually wants to tell us of the non-boring things she indulges in. She won’t even talk about her curdling hatred of cats.

Leona Lewis Claims Valentine?s Day Most Tedious Award

February 14th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Oh look! It's Valentine?s Day which means one of two things: If you happen to be single and lonely like us, you\’ll be spending the day furiously masturbating whilst eating a fist full of chocolate, all in the name of creating a fake romantic setting. For the loved up, couples everywhere will be bankrupting themselves as they spent money on tacky gifts like stuffed bears that hilariously say, ?I WUV U.?

If you're a bloke and manage to get your special lady more than just a bunch of flowers for the garage that end up smelling of diesel rather than nectar, what can you expect back? Sex! Well, that's what usually happens with folk who are all loved up.

But how to set the mood? A meal that isn't microwaved? Candle light? Rose petals scattered everywhere? If you're a traditionalist yes, but now Leona Lewis can help improve the setting.

Paula Abdul Gets Borated By Bruno

May 1st, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

When Hecklerspray gets called into various places to accept awards and whatnot, we routinely do four things.

The first is we always have a sword pointed at the innards of whoever hands us our trophy. That’s just to ensure an enthusiastic and positive over-the-top speech, which works well over half the time. If you Youtube ‘Hecklerspray, Billy Crystal, Kidney Sack Spill’ ‘you’ll see exactly what we’re talking about there.

Other major celebrities have a similar routine of only attending certain award ceremonies. Paula Abdul, for instance, only attends them when the presenter is Sacha Baron Cohen with cameras rolling.

Jesus Christ, We’ve Won Another Sort Of Award (Sort Of)

August 7th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Here’s something we weren’t really expecting – hecklerspray’s just won the runner-up prize in the UK2.0 Britain Upgraded awards.

Set up to recognise websites that are ‘truly taking Britain into the world of Web 2.0’, the UK2.0 Britain Upgraded awards have decided that we’re the second-best entertainment website in the country. Which we’re perfectly OK with, since the only thing that beat us was the gigantic, wonderful BBC iPlayer. And coming second only to nationally-broadcast television programmes suits us just fine.

You! Vote For The Orange Rising Star BAFTA Award Immediately!

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

We love the BAFTAS. They’re just like the Oscars, except they’re British and nobody famous ever turns up. Amazing.

However, one thing annoys us about the BAFTAs, and that’s the suspicion that they’re only voted for by elderly men who live alone, only wear smoking jackets and call everybody ‘darling’ all the time. But not this year.

This year you people get a chance to vote for the winner of one BAFTA award – the Orange Rising Star award. Why are we telling you this? It’s simple. Last year the winner of the Orange Rising Star award was Shia LaBeouf. Shia LaTittingBeouf. THIS MUST NOT HAPPEN AGAIN. Do you understand? We’re not even partially joking with you.

LA Film People Say WALL-E Is Quite Good

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Do you want the good news or the bad news first? Well, tough, you’re getting the bad news – it’s awards season.

You know, that long, slow, dull deathmarch to the Oscars where every single vaguely filmy organisation on the face of the planet announces which movies it enjoyed watching most. But more than that, awards season marks the time of year when we wish we had another job. Any other job. A job involving heights and spikes and angry bears, even.

And now the good news – The Los Angeles Film Critics Association gave its best picture award to WALL-E.

Kenny Chesney is The Most Entertaining Cowboy In History

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

You know what we like in an entertainer? The wild hope that wearing a big hat will cover for an overwhelming lack of charisma.

And we’re not the only ones, because Kenny Chesney – a man with a big hat and hardly any charisma – has just won the CMA Entertainer Of The Year award for the fourth time in five years, making him officially the most entertaining country singer ever born. Except for Garth Brooks. He’s equally entertaining.

This must count as one of Kenny Chesney’s proudest moments. Now he can look back on all the other country singers of the past and know he’s more entertaining than them. He’s more entertaining than Billy Shooter, Old Jeb Clovercleb, Whistlin’ Jimmy McFormaldahide, Redeyes O’Murderer and even, in a controversial twist, Barefoot Bobby And The Pregnant Mistakes. Congratulations, Kenny Chesney. You earnt this.

Breaking: Angelina Jolie Talks About Someone Else For A Change

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

We don’t know if we’ve mentioned it, but Angelina Jolie has a movie out – it doesn’t look very good, but keep that to yourself.

But, despite what you might think by the amount of time that she’s spent promoting the movie by hanging babies from her boobs on the cover of magazines, Angelina Jolie isn’t the only person involved in the making of that movie. It also happened to be directed by Clint Eastwood, whoever he is.

And in a shocking break, Angelina Jolie last night decided to do a little more promotion by paying tribute to Clint Eastwood at a Hollywood awards gala. In fact – and we’re not making this up – people were so shocked to see Angelina Jolie talking about someone that wasn’t her that there were audible gasps in the crowd. And some people fell over and vomited like in the opening titles to Quincy. Alright, we made that bit up.

Jackson Five to Receive Award for Making It Through Life Alive, or Something

March 24th, 2009 By hecklerspray staff

We’re positively flabbergasted.

It turns out when you add up the stuff from the lives of all the Jackson Five members, there appears to be an achievement in there somewhere, or something. So, let’s give them a lifetime achievement award, shall we?

Be sure to tune in to the award ceremony for the exciting activity where you have to match up pictures of the group from the past and present. If you’re good enough to score 100% you’ll be awarded one of the last un-repossessed llamas from Neverland Ranch.

Don’t get too excited, though. Nobody’s ever won one.