HecklerSpray

Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy

Tom Cruise Is Scared Of Singing But Not Of 10,000ft Killer Robots Or Whatever They Have In The New Mission: Impossible

November 8th, 2011 By Michael Park

Professional headcase Tom Cruise has admitted to being terrified of the melodic word with his fear coming to a very public fore while filming his new waste of time “Rock Of Ages”.

Tom Cruise is well renowned throughout the world, both as an actor, a producer and as someone who doesn’t know when a franchise is dead (See: Mission: Impossible) but his ability to sing has never been called into question. Even in 1983 “classic” Risky Business, Tom used Bob Seger as a voice double during his trouserless performance of Old Time Rock n’ Roll.

Let’s be fair to Tom though, singing is a terrifying experience. One need only spend five minutes in the company of a Glee Survivor to know that not only are their vocal chords destroyed, their careers are all-but ruined by incessant autotune abuse. DARE to say no to singing.

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JLS: The Club Is Alive With The Sound Of Auto Tune

July 12th, 2011 By Kris Silver

JLS fans haven't been very kind to us of late. Apparently they don't like the fact that we inferred that their favourite band mimed some bad words and threw one of those showbiz hissy fit things at T4 On The Beach, which they TOTALLY did.

Naturally being the reasonable and thoughtful people we are, we thought we?d take another shot at them.

This time over the fact they've admitted they can't sing.

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Autotune Used On X Factor (And Wrestling Isn’t Real Apparently)

August 24th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

It seems that a lot of you ‘people’ have been complaining ’til your stupid little faces go bright pink that the X Factor uses autotune. Can you believe that? The X Factor isn’t quite what it claims to be?! What next? There’s no God? Pixies don’t turn your fridge light off and it is in fact a very boring and rudimentary switch near the door hinge?

No doubt you’ll find yourself self-harming and feeling utterly cheated this morning because you were convinced that the show was as real and plain as the nose on your head… but really, you shouldn’t be at all surprised that this is the case because, in Britain, our collective mind cooled on wrestling and we took up watching the soap opera (also not real if you need telling, which you do, because you’re thick) of the ‘talent show’ instead.

In Simon Cowell, we have the British equivalent of Vince McMahon.

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