Autopsy - HecklerSpray

Janet Jackson Named Grinch Of The Year By PETA (Jackson Nose Job Gag Rather Dated Now)

December 30th, 2011 By Sophie Hall

Well hello there, and good tidings! But let’s just cut the small-talk here before things get all chatty-chatty like what those baby lesbians do off Coronation Street. So, Janet Jackson’s awful. ?

Hear that, Great Britain? Here that, Janet Jackson’s official fan club underneath all the wild babble?

Oh, quiet down at the front?? JanFan47?! Cease and desist 1nPHATuation! (Amazing.) PIPE DOWN Janhova_Troll_Slayer! Not our words! No! We’d never flirt with?incessant?mockery and combine that with the Jackson family, what with all that pain and despair they’ve been harboring these past few years.

Michael Jackson?s Old Tat Sells For More Than It's Worth

December 19th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

If anybody tells you that car boot sales and charity shops are pointless, they clearly don't know what they're talking about. Nothing beats the wonders of rummaging through boxes on a cold early morning with a ropey ?1 polystyrene cup of tea whilst searching for hidden gems.

The high street charity shop is a haven for those sourcing everything from old records to a piece of clothing that would sell for bucket loads in a vintage boutique. Granted, someone might have died in the blazer you're donning for a night out, but a few washes and squirt of Lynx Africa will cover that death musk.

Whilst second hand goods of the common man and woman change hands for a handful of pounds, the rules change when famous people are involved. One particular auction has been on the cards for ages with Michael Jackson extremists squealing in their droves as they get the chance to own items that they probably already have.

Michael Jackson?s Daughter Paris Starts Showbiz Young, Which Never Did Dad Any Harm

December 14th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

They say that everyone deserves a second chance to learn from their mistakes. Or if you happen to have an ounce of intelligence, not copying the moves of those that led to their downfall.

One of the greatest examples of cocking-up a childhood comes from no-other than the Jackson family. Whilst we were left marvelled and amazed at the family’s dance moves, they were secretly hurting inside thanks to regular whippings from father Joe. Missing out on childhood clearly affected Michael, so you'd assume that his three children would be ushered away from showbiz? Oh, how wrong you'd be.

Thankfully, Paris looks like she's decided to venture away from singing and head towards Hollywood. Yep! She’s going to be in a film! Good thing the movie industry hasn’t got a record of dark deeds and conspiracy, eh?

Why Not Take The Kids To See Michael Jackson’s Death House?

December 12th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

So, you and your stupid family are thinking about having a nice day out together. You don’t want to. You’d rather sit in and watch TV. However, some nagging guilt tells you there’s a world outside, so you make the gesture to others in a bid to make you look like you give a hoot about them.

So where do you go? A theme park? A wildlife sanctuary? A stroll around a vast meadow? A place of historical significance? Banger racing?

OF COURSE NOT YOU BLITHERING RAT BRAIN! There’s only one place worth going to these days, and that’s Michael Jackson’s death house! That’s right! Now that Jacko’s house has been opened to the public, you can stick your nose into the possessions of the recently deceased! Isn’t that wonderful?

Dr. Conrad Murray Sexily Appeals His Conviction And Acts As His Own Sexy Lawyer

December 5th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

At the moment, ?Sexy? Dr. Conrad Murray will be inside a jail cell, confined to a space that?ll make him feel like an animal at the zoo. Last week, justice was delivered to Michael Jackson?s former doctor as punishment for his the star’s manslaughter.

Four years was the term handed down by the judge who deemed Murray a danger to society. Unless he ran around America striking people with hepatitis tipped syringes, he seemed okay in our book. After all, he hadn?t killed anyone before or practised voodoo magic rituals.

Then again, Murray always had an uphill battle as this wasn?t a case against a normal member of society. This was Michael Jackson, a bloke who was famous around the world. Not just for his singing, but his face morphing ability and reliance on painkillers. As expected, this trial rolls on with Dr. Conrad Murray set to protest his innocence.

Michael Jackson?s Unseen Documentary Footage Doesn't Interest Or Excite Anyone At London Auction

November 28th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Does anyone ever get the feeling that you can have too much of a good thing? Imagine if someone forced you to live on nothing but steak for a year. You’d get sick of it after a while, no matter how much you love chewing bovine.

The same can’t be said about Michael Jackson fans. Their diet has been nothing but Neverlandian for decades and will remain so forever more.

Worse still, they’re rabid about him. They move in psychotic packs, froth at the mouth and howl in disgust at anyone who badmouths their now deceased idol. However, it seems that their interest is cooling because they’ve nothing to love now that Dr Conrad Murry has been found guilty. Maybe they liked the grief and strife more than MJ’s music?

Janet Jackson Designs Fur Range, Which Will No Doubt Make The Ghost Of Michael Cry

November 23rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Do you know how they make mink coats? They get a mink and shout obscenities at it – IN MINK LANGUAGE – until it cries. Then, they make then stand on their hindly mink legs until they break before men come in and kick the skin off them.

Then, worst of all, the skinless, frightened mink creatures are all forced to sew their fur together into expensive coats.

COATS DESIGNED BY JANET JACKSON WHO HATES MINKS.

Michael Jackson Was A Bit Of A Pranker

November 21st, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Over the last few years, stories regarding Michael Jackson have all focused on one specific issue. That's right, his demise from this world and descent into a tacky gold coffin that's buried deep underground so nutjob fans can't rub their genitals across it.

More recent events have led to the climax of Jackson?s life where the whole world got to hear what drugs were given to him via ?Sexy? Dr. Conrad Murray. Ever since the incident on the set of a Pepsi commercial where the former king of pop’s head resembled a stinky sparkler, Michael supposedly downed pills like Smarties.

We?d like to distance ourselves from the recent courtroom drama featuring the only decent member of The Jackson Five. Instead, we want to relive some of the more memorable moments from his lifetime when he was alive, full of life and generally not being beaten by Poppa Joe.

Johnny Depp And Other White Men Favourites To Play Michael Jackson In Biopic (Features Amazing Eddie Murphy Video)

November 17th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Finding a man to play Michael Jackson in a biopic is no easy task. Listen, LaToya Jackson is surely not in the picture, despite being MJ’s reanimated corpse. Think about it. You need someone who vaguely looks like the former King of Pop.

Naturally, what with Michael going from handsome black man to Roswell white man, there’s not many people who are up to the task, unless someone creates some ET/human/chameleon hybrid.

However, seeing as a Michael Jackson biopic is in the pipeline, there’s actors being touted to guzzle Propofol like UHT milk. And oddly, most of them are white.

Michael Jackson’s Deathbed, No Longer For Sale, Spoiling All Your Masturbatory Needs

November 16th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Deathbed for sale. What a peculiar notion. That said, it has a lovely ring to it. It almost sounds like an Agatha Christie thriller. Either way, Michael Jackson’s deathbed was up for auction so that his mental fans could buy it and have sex with themselves in it.

That’s because they’re hugely lonely and there’s no room for another face in the mirror because Mad Jackson fans are too enveloped by the aura of Jackson himself.

Anyway, the deathbed has been pulled from auction because some bright spark realised that it might be a little distasteful selling a giant bed filled with celebrity corpse goo. Shame. We hoped a mad-scientist would buy it and try cloning an army of Michael Jacksons.