Squeaky clean pop annoyance Justin Bieber recently had a haircut, which was front-page news almost everywhere, even here on hecklerspray. The news of his haircut sent shockwaves around the world, with sexually confused 12 year olds and slightly creepy 40 somethings everywhere begging to know why he’d chopped his famous $500 fringe off.

Naturally it’s all rather ridiculous, it’s only some hair after all, it’ll grow back, you do know that, right?

What’s even more ridiculous to the furore over Bieber’s bonce is the fact that you can now buy the hair he had lopped off. That’s right, you can buy Bieber’s former barnet covering, if you have $7,000 to spare that is.

You see, wee Justin Bieber recently appeared on the Ellen DeGeneres show in the States (for those of you unfamiliar with the Ellen show, it’s like the Alan Titchmarsh show, only markedly less annoying). During the show Bieber gave Ellen a lock of his hair, which is now being sold through popular offloading of ill-gotten property site, eBay.

The famous follicles are sealed in a clear display case that Bieber has signed and is just shy of the $7,000 mark at the time of writing.

We expect it to fetch a lot more though, it would be criminal if it didn’t, just think about how mental the Beliebers are. They actually call themselves Beliebers and if that isn’t mental we don’t know what is.

We here at hecklerspray can’t help but wonder who will end up buying Bieber’s locks. After all, there can’t be that many Belieber’s with the cash to buy it at its current price, let alone any price it may reach by next week, unless they form a syndicate and all take home one follicle each.

Maybe a very lonely adult will be the winning bidder, claiming it’s for their kids or something, when we all know they have no kids, the sick freaks.

Even we here in the hecklerspray bedsit have been looking behind the couch and rifling through Mof Gimmers’ stuff when he’s not in to see if we can stump up the cash in the hope that we can get our hands on his hair and use it for some bizarre voodoo ritual that would mean we never have to hear about Bieber or his stupid bloody hair again!

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Lea Michele, you know, the gal from Glee that does the singing, is shallower than a reflecting pool and gets drinks thrown on her for larks, is a MASSIVE bitch… apparently.

Well, obviously Lea isn’t actually a massive bitch… as far as we know… we’re not really allowed to get too close to her, but that is what Hailee Steinfeld wants you to believe. Who is Hailee Steinfeld we hear you ask?

To be honest we don’t know, however, let it never be said that the hecklerspray team are not thorough. After a good 10 minutes of navigating Wikipedia we managed to conclude that she’s someone who stars in True Grit, which is a film, so good for her.

While Steinfeld was on the Paramount lot auditioning for the part that would eventually make her a household name, she spotted the Glee star milling about in the car park. Steinfeld went up to Michele and asked for her autograph, only to be told that, “it’s not a good time.”

OH SNAP! You got slammed gurl!

This humiliation was too much for the 14 year old to bear, she then burst into floods of tears and went to tell the internet all about the altercation.

You can understand why she was so upset about it, there she was, big break in the bag, starring alongside Matt Damon, probably skipping along on cloud 9 when she sees one of her idols walking in front of her. SCORE!

That sounds like a pretty perfect day for any young girl, but it wasn’t to be, her parade was firmly rained on by a jazz hand wielding killjoy. It’s heartbreaking… and a bit funny.

Maybe it’s best she learns now that sometimes celebrities are just not in the mood to sign autographs. Who knows, one day she might even get famous enough to snub others in some sort of weird circle of autograph snubbing, inspiring the next generation of young actors to get an over-inflated sense of self worth and hurt the feelings of a small child because their time is too precious to waste and their heroes never signed autographs for them!

DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE MICHELE!?! DO YOU!?

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Here at hecklerspray we're old hands at signing autographs, although most autograph hunters seem to want us to write 'Martina Navratilova' or 'Sloth Out Of The Goonies' instead of our own names, which is weird.

But as experienced as we are, we'll never be as flat-out incredible at autograph-signing as Johnny Depp. For the third year straight, Johnny Depp has been named as the best Hollywood signer by Autograph magazine for the way he unfailingly manages to put a pen onto some paper and spell his own name correctly without mistaking the pen for some corn on the cob and eating it or inadvertently writing 'Fabian Gottlieb von Bellingshausen' or 'Lunar Orbiter 3' instead of 'Johnny Depp'. Truly the man deserves a medal.

Although it's easy to mock celebrities who don't sign autographs – because writing your own name a few times a day must really make these people want to give up earning tens of millions of dollars every year – it must get a bit tiring to see squat little men waddling up to you with foot-thick piles of photos and being expected to sign every one, especially when every one of them swears blind that their name is Winner Of eBay Item 120129428830.

And although having a celebrity refuse to sign their autograph can be slightly annoying to the regular man on the street, it's literally the worst thing that can happen to the staff and readers of Autograph magazine. Yes, there is an Autograph magazine, and the articles are very good – especially last month's feature entitled Christian Bale Has Started Drawing A Little Heart Over The I In His Name Instead of Dotting It, The Twonk.

Anyway, to name and shame the best and worst celebrity autograph signers in Hollywood, Autograph magazine routinely holds an annual Best Hollywood Signer poll. And Johnny Depp usually wins these polls with equal routine for the way he puts his fans at ease throughout the duration of the tricky autograph-signing process. That's no different this year, because Autograph magazine has called Johnny Depp the best signer of the year. According to Autograph magazine's editor and publisher Steve Cyrkin:

"It's the third consecutive year Depp has topped the list of the 10 best signers. Whether at a premiere, in a restaurant or on location, Depp may just be the best Hollywood autograph signer of all time."

However, while the usual likes of George Clooney, Matt Damon and Jack Nicholson can also be found in the top signers list, there's more fun to be had looking at the worst signers. And the worst two autograph signers in the world today are Tobey Maguire and Will Ferrell.

Now Maguire we can understand – he's always had a slightly twatty demeanour, and we're sure he's getting sick of people asking for his autograph as a front to slap him in the face while screaming "What the hell did you do to Spider-Man 3 you arsehole?" – but Will Ferrell?

We always thought that Will Ferrell was a friendly, approachable man. Seems not, though, because Cyrkin explains:

"What's so frustrating about Will Ferrell being the worst autograph signer this past year is that he used to be so nice to fans and collectors, and a great signer. What makes him so bad is that he'll taunt people asking for his autograph."

Sounds upsetting, but let's not be hasty – for all we know Will Ferrell might just be researching for a film role about an arrogant autograph-signer who one day breaks his signing finger and then goes on a hilarious, yet redeeming, journey of recovery. You know, like he did in Anchorman. And Blades Of Glory. And Talladega Nights. And Bewitched. And Semi-Pro. So, you know, it's not unfeasible.

Read more:

Depp named top autograph signer as Ferrell bombs – Reuters