Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
It’s a measure of how close this series of Strictly Come Dancing is that one of the front-runners can’t even make the semi-final.
And by that we mean that Austin Healey was eliminated from the show last night. And, obviously, when we say that Austin Healey was a Strictly Come Dancing front-runner, we mean that he’s clearly completely in love with himself, the puffed-up little rugby twerp.
So, Austin Healey is out of Strictly Come Dancing, but why? Well, here’s his recap…
Time for some more Strictly Come Dancing recaps, so hold onto your hat. No, literally, hold onto it. OK, go and get a hat and then hold onto it.
Back? Good. We’re so excited about Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, because the standard of competition is now so high. Honestly, if we didn’t know that Lisa Snowdon will get voted off on Sunday, the tension would be killing us.
But until then, here’s the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Austin Healey…
Time for our last Strictly Come Dancing recap of the week. But don’t be sad – we’ll be back again. And again. And again. Like a recurring nightmare in many ways.
This Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing is going to be one of the hardest-fought yet, and we can’t wait. Mainly it’s because Lisa Snowdon will probably get voted into the dance-off again and she’ll cry, and we get off on watching broken women. Seriously. We do. We’re not joking. We actually do.
Anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Rachel Stevens and Austin Healey…
It’s time for another edition of the hecklerspray recap for Strictly Come Dancing or, as we like to call it, Four Exasperated Judges.
Watching John Sergeant get through to next week’s Strictly Come Dancing yet again was an absolute joy. Not because we particularly enjoy watching John Sergeant dance, nor because we like deliberately ruining the credibility of reality TV shows, but because watching Bruce Forsyth dodder around murmuring “We have a situation” like an anxious string puppet afterwards was perhaps the greatest thing we’ve ever seen.
Anyway, here’s our Strictly Come Dancing recap for Christine Bleakley and Austin Healey…
Ready? Are you ready for this week’s second batch of Strictly Come Dancing recaps? Good. We can tell if you’re lying, you know.
On reflection, Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing was perhaps our favourite of the series so far, because it marked the point where the Strictly Come Dancing judges started to get really narked off with the viewers for not eliminating John Sergeant. Why, if we were so inclined we’d say that everyone should keep John in next week too, just to see which judge does a dirty protest in their knickers first.
Anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Austin Healey and Cherie Lunghi…
Given that he danced like Frankenstein’s monster trampling bubblewrap, Andrew Castle was never going to get far on Strictly Come Dancing.
And yesterday he went. Despite an injury, Andrew Castle unsuccessfully decided to draw attention away from his dicky knee by waggling his shoulders around like an electrocution victim and sort of thrusting his arms about like he was trying to fight off an army of invisible rapists. Not even Andrew Castle’s dance partner rubbing her fanny up and down his bad knee could save him, and that’s really saying something.
So, with Andrew Castle gone, who’ll win Strictly Come Dancing? Here’s the first part of our Strictly Come Dancing recaps this week, for Austin Healey and Heather Small…
Time for another batch of Strictly Come Dancing recaps, although frankly our heart isn’t in it now that Mark Foster’s gone.
Now that Mark’s no longer part of Strictly Come Dancing, who else is going to take their top off without any prompting? Nobody, that’s who. And believe us, we’ve tried to convince the other Strictly Come Dancing contestants to do it, but they won’t. Well, not all of them. John Sergeant. John Sergeant won’t take his top off for us.
Anyway, here’s our Strictly Come Dancing recap for Christine Bleakley, Austin Healey and Cherie Lunghi…
As Little Foreign Judge said on Strictly Come Dancing on Saturday, now that the women and men are dancing together, it’s like qualification is over and it’s time for the Grand Prix.
Brilliant, we’ve always enjoyed thinking of Strictly Come Dancing as a Grand Prix – overlong, boring, probably quite expensive and with a rich old man controlling everything. And terrible for the environment. And it monopolises our Sundays, usually against our wishes. Perfect. Gold star for Little Foreign Judge.
But who’ll win Strictly Come Dancing? Here’s part two of this week’s Strictly Come Dancing recap, for Cherie Lunghi, Mark Foster and Austin Healey…
Gary Rhodes has waltzed off Strictly Come Dancing – well, OK, maybe not waltzed; frankly we’d be stunned if he had the coordination to walk in a straight line.
After a week spent bickering with his Strictly Come Dancing partner, Gary Rhodes was full of attack for Saturday’s jive to Lipstick Powder And Paint. And, to be fair, it was better than his first routine. Although, having said that, he could have pooed down his leg while screaming white supremacist slogans and it would still be better than his first routine.
Still, with Gary Rhodes gone, who’s going to win the show? Here’s the first installment of this week’s Strictly Come Dancing recap, for Austin Healey and Mark Foster…
