by Shawn Lindseth
In 2004 we were assured repeatedly that the jaw bone we were paying $700 for was from the face of the great Bob Hope.
Our patience was tested once we learned it was actually the bottom half of a turkey beak, but our love and admiration for the decomposing comedian still sort of endured. Kind of. Then when we had the chance to buy his gizzard from the repentant people who’d made the original sale to us, well, we jumped on it.
Now we keep said gizzard in our pocket, and squeeze it with our thumb and fingers whenever we wish for a touch of 50s-style comedian luck. You may be gone, Bob, but you’ll always be with us. In our front right pocket.
And now you can have Bob Hope stuff in your pockets too – because his estate is auctioning off his entire dead body former possessions.
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by Paul Sorrenti
Scarlett Johansson is so sought-after that a man from the UK has actually paid $40,100 (about £20,000) to be able to accompany her to the premier of her upcoming movie, He’s Just Not That Into You.
He doesn’t even appear to have been guaranteed sex on any level – not even a tonguing – and yet has paid for the equivalent of 8,000 anal sexes with Manfa, who has been hanging round the corners of hecklerstreet for four years now.
When asked what kind of an evening she’d give a man who had paid £40,100, Manfa said she’d “willingly go blind in both eyes,†and if he still wanted to go see the movie, that “with a film title like that, blindness may be a blessing,†before adding “maybe I’d go deaf for it too.†But that’s Manfa, and she really is a dirty whore. Five dollars for sex? That’s two pound fifty; cheaper than a Zinger Tower.
Scarlett Johansson is so sought-after that a man from the UK has actually paid $40,100 (about £20,000) to be able to accompany her to the premier of her upcoming movie, He’s Just Not That Into You.
He doesn’t even appear to have been guaranteed sex on any level - not even a tonguing - and yet has paid for the equivalent of 8,000 anal sexes with Manfa, who has been hanging round the corners of hecklerstreet for four years now.
When asked what kind of an evening she’d give a man who had paid £40,100, Manfa said she’d “willingly go blind in both eyes,†and if he still wanted to go see the movie, that “with a film title like that, blindness may be a blessing,†before adding “maybe I’d go deaf for it too.†But that’s Manfa, and she really is a dirty whore. Five dollars for sex? That’s two pound fifty; cheaper than a Zinger Tower.
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