auction - HecklerSpray

Paul Walker’s Burnt Sunglasses Are Being Sold By Some Heartless Loser

March 19th, 2014 By Rhiannon Davies

Ladies and gentlemen, there’s a new unit of measurement for inappropriateness. Let me demonstrate – how tasteless do you find the following story, on a scale of one to ‘selling Paul Walker’s charred belongings’?

We’re born with two kidneys for a reason. So that if we ever find ourselves in desperate need for a lot of cash, we can sell one of them rather than say, auctioning off a pair of sunglasses that a famous actor was wearing at the time of the car crash that killed him. I don’t know if the seller believes in karma, but he or she ?is due to get by a truckload of it in the near future.

Fire Up The Cloning Machine And Buy John Lennon’s Teeth

October 24th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

John Lennon – you may remember him from such bands as The Beatles, Plastic Ono Band and Getting Drunk For Two Years With Harry Nilsson – is, like Michael Jackson and Elvis, one of the deadest, hardest working muvvers in showbiz.

Of course, being adopted by America, Lennon still stirs up a lot of interest with people still keen to paw over his memory.

Naturally, memorabilia is the big winner. So what’s being sold now? Would you believe us if we told you his teeth were up for auction? Cloning scientists, do your worst!

Princess Beatrice Flogs Her Royal Wedding Hat To Morons

May 17th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Remember the UK royal wedding? You might not want to, but thanks to the media still being in love with the couple of the moment, all sorts of tatty commemorative DVD?s and magazines have been brought out to mark the occasion.

Unless you camped out for several hours to wave at William and Kate, it'll be the closest you\’ll ever get to them. They don't associate with peasant scum like us.

The marriage of William and Kate wasn?t just about them however. One other person who gained mass attention was Princess Beatrice. She didn't stop an assassin or anything impressive like that; instead she wore a hat that looked like a huge gaping vagina with two mini spitting foo-foos on top. It’s fair to say it was a fashion no-no. However, some idiot will see it as ?arty? and attempt to buy it. Shockingly, some people are already trying to do this.

Bid For Justin Bieber’s Bonce On Ebay

February 25th, 2011 By Kris Silver

Squeaky clean pop annoyance Justin Bieber recently had a haircut, which was front-page news almost everywhere, even here on hecklerspray. The news of his haircut sent shockwaves around the world, with sexually confused 12 year olds and slightly creepy 40 somethings everywhere begging to know why he'd chopped his famous $500 fringe off.

Naturally it's all rather ridiculous, it's only some hair after all, it'll grow back, you do know that, right?

What's even more ridiculous to the furore over Bieber?s bonce is the fact that you can now buy the hair he had lopped off. That's right, you can buy Bieber?s former barnet covering, if you have $7,000 to spare that is.

You! Buy J.D. Salinger’s Toilet! For One Million U.S.!

August 23rd, 2010 By Shawn Lindseth

There’s a definite theme to the breaking news today. First we learned that Russell Brand will Queef in front of anybody or something, and now we’re learning that you, yes you – can buy a toilet that once proudly gulped down several pounds of J.D. Salinger’s dookey on a daily basis.

For the sickos out there – pictures of the crapper look pretty clean, so we we doubt you’ll be able to clone a pee monster out of any dried droplets stained under the rim. If you somehow pulled that off though – well that’d just be cool.

Would you like to know where you can buy said toilet? And for how much? The latter question basically got answered in the headline up there. The first question though – that one gets answered after the jump.

It’s on Ebay though. Just so you know.

Buy Some Madonna Recordings That Are Possibly Worse Than Her Albums

July 28th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Good news if you’re the kind of person who still likes Madonna! Somebody’s now selling a 4″ x 6″ square of her skin stretched over a small wooden frame. We’ve heard there are several moles vaguely formed in the shape of the big dipper, and if you follow the image, navigationally speaking, you’ll eventually wind up in the Americas.

We’ve also heard it originally came detached in the teeth of a rabid goat seven hours into a Kabbalah desert-tent ceremony.

That, or bunches of faxed love notes and boring telephone messages she delivered years ago are going up for auction.

Why Not Buy Globs Of Scarlett Johansson’s Rancid Snot?

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Like many people, we’ve often dreamt of laying down, naked as a baby, and smearing ourselves with Scarlett Johansson’s nasal mucus.

And, hey, now we can. For reasons that frankly we’re too petrified to go into, Scarlett Johansson has decided to auction off one of her snot-filled tissues on eBay. The most frightening news? It’s currently standing at $2,205.

While that makes for an expensive trophy – or dinner condiment – $2,205 is actually enough money for scientists to harvest Scarlett Johansson’s DNA and build their own snot-covered, manky-looking Jurassic Park-style Scarlett Johansson clone. Or they could just buy Cheryl Baker from Buck’s Fizz instead. Whichever’s cheapest.

Tons Of Michael Jackson Crap About To Be Auctioned Off By Michael Jackson

March 24th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Until now if you were staring from the inside out through the mighty gates of the Neverland Ranch, it was with big sad eyes and your pants on backwards.

That changes now. That's because several things found in and around the house by Michael Jackson himself are about to go up for auction ? including those gates. That means if you win the bid and then do the dishes that night, your mom might let you somehow attach them to your bedroom doorway. Wouldn't that just impress the ladies?

Michael Jackson’s Underpants Could Soon Be In Your Sock Drawer

March 24th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Readers – we love you like we love our own mother.

And although our love for you wasn’t nurtured from a lifetime of you cutting the disgusting corners off our peanut butter sandwiches, it is love just the same. We love you deep, and we love you real.

It is this love that has us worried about you most nights. You see, our greatest fear is one wherein you all won’t be able to retire come age 35. That would be a real shame. You need to plan ahead – you need to invest.

You know – invest. Like in stocks and bonds and what not. Also you could invest in a pair of Michael Jackson‘s underpants. Those are currently worth $1,000,000 a piece, and the value is expected to rise exponentially. You’d better act fast though – there’s only one of them up for sale.

It all happens on eBay today, apparently.

Buy Miley Cyrus On eBay. Also Buy Her Clothes.

March 24th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Now we know you are all probably gonna judge us, but keep in mind that Miley Cyrus is really, really mature for her age.

Her and us could probably talk for hours about the things we have in common – ownership of a bicycle, for instance. Yes, that’s it. We could talk about the ownership of bicycles. Well wherever our fantastic conversation is gonna lead us – it’s gonna lead us there soon. After all, we will do whatever it takes to ensure our eBay bid for a date with her is the one that reins supreme.

It better anyway. We just bought a new button-down shirt at Wal-Mart, and we’re having our favorite pants professionally pressed. We’d be embarrassed to have gone all out like that for nothing.