Articles tagged with: auction
Buy Some Madonna Recordings That Are Possibly Worse Than Her Albums
Good news if you're the kind of person who still likes Madonna! Somebody's now selling a 4" x 6" square of her skin stretched over a small wooden frame. We've heard there are several moles vaguely formed in the shape of the big dipper, and if you follow the image, navigationally speaking, you'll eventually wind up in the Americas. We've also heard it originally came detached in the teeth of a rabid goat seven hours into a Kabbalah desert-tent ceremony. That, or bunches of faxed love notes and boring telephone messages she delivered years ago are going up for auction.
Good news if you're the kind of person who still likes Madonna! Somebody's now selling a 4" x 6" square of her skin stretched over a small wooden frame. We've heard there are several moles vaguely formed in the shape of the big dipper, and if you follow the image, navigationally speaking, you'll eventually wind up in the Americas. We've also heard it originally came detached in the teeth of a rabid goat seven hours into a Kabbalah desert-tent ceremony. That, or bunches of faxed love notes and boring telephone messages she delivered years ago are going up for auction.
Why Not Buy Globs Of Scarlett Johansson’s Rancid Snot?
Like many people, we've often dreamt of laying down, naked as a baby, and smearing ourselves with Scarlett Johansson's nasal mucus. And, hey, now we can. For reasons that frankly we're too petrified to go into, Scarlett Johansson has decided to auction off one of her snot-filled tissues on eBay. The most frightening news? It's currently standing at $2,205. While that makes for an expensive trophy - or dinner condiment - $2,205 is actually enough money for scientists to harvest Scarlett Johansson's DNA and build their own snot-covered, manky-looking Jurassic Park-style Scarlett Johansson clone. Or they could just buy Cheryl Baker from Buck's Fizz instead. Whichever's cheapest.
Like many people, we've often dreamt of laying down, naked as a baby, and smearing ourselves with Scarlett Johansson's nasal mucus. And, hey, now we can. For reasons that frankly we're too petrified to go into, Scarlett Johansson has decided to auction off one of her snot-filled tissues on eBay. The most frightening news? It's currently standing at $2,205. While that makes for an expensive trophy - or dinner condiment - $2,205 is actually enough money for scientists to harvest Scarlett Johansson's DNA and build their own snot-covered, manky-looking Jurassic Park-style Scarlett Johansson clone. Or they could just buy Cheryl Baker from Buck's Fizz instead. Whichever's cheapest.
Tons Of Michael Jackson Crap About To Be Auctioned Off By Michael Jackson
Until now if you were staring from the inside out through the mighty gates of the Neverland Ranch, it was with big sad eyes and your pants on backwards. That changes now. That’s because several things found in and around the house by Michael Jackson himself are about to go up for auction – including those gates. That means if you win the bid and then do the dishes that night, your mom might let you somehow attach them to your bedroom doorway. Wouldn’t that just impress the ladies?
Until now if you were staring from the inside out through the mighty gates of the Neverland Ranch, it was with big sad eyes and your pants on backwards. That changes now. That’s because several things found in and around the house by Michael Jackson himself are about to go up for auction – including those gates. That means if you win the bid and then do the dishes that night, your mom might let you somehow attach them to your bedroom doorway. Wouldn’t that just impress the ladies?
Michael Jackson’s Underpants Could Soon Be In Your Sock Drawer
Readers - we love you like we love our own mother. And although our love for you wasn't nurtured from a lifetime of you cutting the disgusting corners off our peanut butter sandwiches, it is love just the same. We love you deep, and we love you real. It is this love that has us worried about you most nights. You see, our greatest fear is one wherein you all won't be able to retire come age 35. That would be a real shame. You need to plan ahead - you need to invest. You know - invest. Like in stocks and bonds and what not. Also you could invest in a pair of Michael Jackson's underpants. Those are currently worth $1,000,000 a piece, and the value is expected to rise exponentially. You'd better act fast though - there's only one of them up for sale. It all happens on eBay today, apparently.
Readers - we love you like we love our own mother. And although our love for you wasn't nurtured from a lifetime of you cutting the disgusting corners off our peanut butter sandwiches, it is love just the same. We love you deep, and we love you real. It is this love that has us worried about you most nights. You see, our greatest fear is one wherein you all won't be able to retire come age 35. That would be a real shame. You need to plan ahead - you need to invest. You know - invest. Like in stocks and bonds and what not. Also you could invest in a pair of Michael Jackson's underpants. Those are currently worth $1,000,000 a piece, and the value is expected to rise exponentially. You'd better act fast though - there's only one of them up for sale. It all happens on eBay today, apparently.
Buy Miley Cyrus On eBay. Also Buy Her Clothes.
Now we know you are all probably gonna judge us, but keep in mind that Miley Cyrus is really, really mature for her age. Her and us could probably talk for hours about the things we have in common - ownership of a bicycle, for instance. Yes, that's it. We could talk about the ownership of bicycles. Well wherever our fantastic conversation is gonna lead us - it's gonna lead us there soon. After all, we will do whatever it takes to ensure our eBay bid for a date with her is the one that reins supreme. It better anyway. We just bought a new button-down shirt at Wal-Mart, and we're having our favorite pants professionally pressed. We'd be embarrassed to have gone all out like that for nothing.
Now we know you are all probably gonna judge us, but keep in mind that Miley Cyrus is really, really mature for her age. Her and us could probably talk for hours about the things we have in common - ownership of a bicycle, for instance. Yes, that's it. We could talk about the ownership of bicycles. Well wherever our fantastic conversation is gonna lead us - it's gonna lead us there soon. After all, we will do whatever it takes to ensure our eBay bid for a date with her is the one that reins supreme. It better anyway. We just bought a new button-down shirt at Wal-Mart, and we're having our favorite pants professionally pressed. We'd be embarrassed to have gone all out like that for nothing.
Are You A Marilyn Monroe Nerd? Great! There’s Some Unreleased, Overpriced Footage Of Her Doing Stuff Up For Sale.
When writers for hecklerspray finally kick the bucket/are assassinated, we hope that there will be moving tributes paid to us.
Whilst we don’t quite expect a sixty foot high bronze statue to be erected, we do hope that our works will at least be printed on to fish & chip wrappers. Or failing that, will someone at least promise to have a snippet of an article tattooed on to their back if they’re fat enough? If people really are good at doing their respected talent, their legacy usually goes on for years and years.
Just look at our lord saviour Jesus Christ. He’s not renowned for his carpentry skills, but for his amazing magic tricks. Can you turn water in to wine; feed thousand people from two fish and five loaves of bread? No, you can’t, you probably can’t construct a shelf. You’ve got nothing on Jesus.
Another person who’s never out of the news is Marilyn Monroe. Despite being six feet under for forty six years, people still get giddy when new documents about her emerge. So hold on to your replica wig as fresh footage has surfaced. For a price at auction of course.
JK Rowling Bashes Out New Harry Potter Story
It must have been such a relief for JK Rowling when she finished the last Harry Potter book, because it meant she could focus on what's really important to her - which, it turns out, is Harry Potter. Not content with the book of Harry Potter fairy tales she recently wrote, or the Harry Potter encyclopedia she's working on now, JK Rowling has found the time to write a prequel to the Harry Potter books, set before Harry first went to Hogwarts. However, there's only one copy of this 800-word Harry Potter prequel and it's going to be auctioned for charity, so hardly anyone will be able to read it. But the rest of you shouldn't worry - give it a year and Warner Bros will have bought the rights and padded it out into a brand new nine-hour movie trilogy. In space.
It must have been such a relief for JK Rowling when she finished the last Harry Potter book, because it meant she could focus on what's really important to her - which, it turns out, is Harry Potter. Not content with the book of Harry Potter fairy tales she recently wrote, or the Harry Potter encyclopedia she's working on now, JK Rowling has found the time to write a prequel to the Harry Potter books, set before Harry first went to Hogwarts. However, there's only one copy of this 800-word Harry Potter prequel and it's going to be auctioned for charity, so hardly anyone will be able to read it. But the rest of you shouldn't worry - give it a year and Warner Bros will have bought the rights and padded it out into a brand new nine-hour movie trilogy. In space.
Bored? Why Not Buy Tony Soprano’s Clothes?
We've all been there. You know the feeling: it's a big night out and you want to dress to impress. But all your best clothes are in the laundry, and you can't go out naked again - you always seem to draw all that nasty 'police attention', and besides, it'd be the third time this week. How you wish - oh, how you yearn and pray - that you could look like an overweight gangster who may or may not be dead and whose life neatly doubles up as a slow-burning metaphor for various aspects of American national identity. Well ... now you can!
We've all been there. You know the feeling: it's a big night out and you want to dress to impress. But all your best clothes are in the laundry, and you can't go out naked again - you always seem to draw all that nasty 'police attention', and besides, it'd be the third time this week. How you wish - oh, how you yearn and pray - that you could look like an overweight gangster who may or may not be dead and whose life neatly doubles up as a slow-burning metaphor for various aspects of American national identity. Well ... now you can!
