That's right, the BAFTAs. And because the BAFTAs are British, it's only right that it should focus on British films. And because the only British film made in the last year was Atonement, it stands to reason that Atonement should get so many BAFTA nominations that we actually feel a little bit embarrassed for it.

Even though it's sodding Atonement, for sod's sake.

The Golden Globes were a washout this year. A bit fat stink of a washout that we feel cheapened to even think about. Not because nobody famous turned up and it was over in half an hour, though – that bit was actually quite nice – but because Atonement won Best Drama. Best Drama. Not Best Drama About A Bunch of Uptight La-Di-Da Tarquins Mimbling To Each Other And Saying "Terribly" A Lot. Best Drama.

And that was even before the BAFTA nominations got involved. This year, the BAFTAs will be one of the most high-profile award shows around thanks to the Golden Globes going down the toilet and the Oscars looking mortally wounded. And, because there isn't any writers' strike over here, there'll be no picket line to cross, meaning that a bigger haul of stars than ever before will shimmy along the red carpet to watch Jonathan Ross earn nine billion pounds a second as the host, or whatever his going rate is these days.

But they needn't bother showing up, because Atonement's going to win everything anyway. All in all, Atonement has picked up BAFTA nominations for Best Film, Best British Film, Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress, Best Music, Best Cinematography, Best Editing, Best Production Design, Best Costume Design, Best Sound and Best Make-Up. If only the BAFTAs hadn't omitted the Best Generic Period Keira Knightley Role Played By Keira Knightley In A Film That Only English Teachers Like And Even Then They're Probably Pretending category then Atonement would have got the quintuple hat-trick.

Of course, Atonement isn't the only film to be nominated for a BAFTA – it just feels like it. Also up for trophies are the films that everyone else has said they like, like No Country For Old Men, There Will Be Blood, Michael Clayton, American Gangster, and The Bourne Ultimatum, which for some reason is in the running for Best British Film, possibly because about two minutes of it are set in Waterloo station.

You'll be able to see who wins the BAFTAs when the awards are handed out on… oh, who cares. You'd probably prefer to jam an electric meat carver under you kneecap than that the BAFTAs. 

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Atonement Leads BAFTA Noms – Hollywood Reporter 

It was the oddest Golden Globes you're ever likely to see – no stars attended, no fancy frocks were worn, results were blasted through in a matter of minutes and the traditional Golden Globes pursuit of trying to second-guess which rabbit-eyed young starlet would be fighting off the advances of Jack Nicholson by the end of the night was put on hold.

And if that wasn't harrowing enough, Atonement won a Golden Globe as well. We're all doomed.

The writer's strike has done several things to the world of film and TV, some bad – like taking The Daily Show off the air – and some less bad (coughDa Vinci Code sequelcough). And somewhere in the middle is last night's Golden Globes awards ceremony.

Up until the last minute nobody knew what would happen to the Golden Globes after the WGA and the SAG banned their members from attending so long as it was being televised, but there were three choices: 1) ditch the Golden Globes altogether, 2) don't televise the Golden Globes so that celebrities can still attend and 3) cobble together a hasty, amateurish half-hour press conference to announce the winners of the Golden Globes that leaves everyone – hosts, broadcasters, winners and viewers – feeling slightly cheapened.

Needless to say, they went with number three.

Everything that people enjoy most about the Golden Globes – the sparkle, the dresses, the freewheeling spirit of semi-drunk playfulness, was absent from the press conference; replaced with a sense of profound embarrassment that the winners were all at home watching the events unravel on Telemundo instead of being up on stage making four-hour teary-eyed acceptance speeches about the power of cinema. 

But perhaps it was best that the Golden Globes weren't televised, because the majority of the winners were all so vastly obscure that nobody would have watched more than 10 minutes of it anyway. Best actress? Julie Christie in That Film Nobody Has Seen. Best actress in a comedy or musical? Some woman nobody's heard of in That Film Nobody Has Seen. Best actor in a TV comedy? David Duchovny in That TV Show That People Saw Once Before Quickly Deciding It Was Rubbish And Turning Off To Do Something More Interesting Like Removing Someone Else's Toe Jam With Their Tongue.

And, worst of all, Atonement won the Golden Globe for best motion picture even though if we wanted to watch a bunch of upper-class bibbles mimbling on endlessly about their problems in rage-inducing accents we'd probably just prefer to watch an episode of Trinny And Susannah.

Still, not all the Golden Globe winners were this dull. Johnny Depp won best actor (comedy) for Sweeney Todd – which also scooped the best comedy or musical movie award – Daniel Day-Lewis won best actor for There Will Be Blood, Tina Fey won best comedy actress for 30 Rock and No Country For Old Men also took a couple of prizes.

But that's not what the 2008 Golden Globes will be remembered for – not when the awards were handed out in such a perfunctory star-free manner.

Now we'll just have to see what happens to the Oscars next month. Hopefully, if the strike is still ongoing until then, lessons will be learnt and the same toe-curling mistakes won't be repeated again.

Because, really, Atonement?

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Atonement leads glitz-free Globes – Associated Press  

And – out of nowhere considering the direction that awards season seems to be going in – Atonement has scored more Golden Globe nominations than anyone else. In all, Atonement has scored seven Golden Globe nominations – among them Best Actress for Keira Knightley, Best Actor for James McAvoy and Best Director for Joe Wright. Although the competition will be harder than ever at a big awards show like the Golden Globes, Atonement is expected to win at least one trophy – either the Best Annoyingly Twittish Film About People Who Speak With Accents Like Dentists Drills or the By Christ Love Put Them Away For Once award for excessive and repeated nudity, both of which we've just made up.

In an awards season packed with all kinds of minuscule organisations trying to hurl their tuppence worth to the top of the pile, the Golden Globes are one of the more reassuringly large awards to be handed out. And they don't just concentrate on serious movies, either – Golden Globes are also handed out to TV shows and comedies, too, which means that Hugh Laurie and Ricky Gervais can get all dressed up and temporarily feel slightly more important than they have any reason to be. 

And you probably think you know all about awards season by now, don't you? You've seen how There Will Be Blood has won one award and how No Country For Old Men has won a couple of others, so you think they'll have the Oscars sewn up, don't you? Well, you're wrong because the Golden Globe nominations have been announced and they show that the British are coming, albeit the small section of the British with voices that sound like yappy little dogs discussing foie gras and fox hunting.

Atonement - the rah-rah British movie about atoning and stuff – is leading the pack when it comes to Golden Globe nominations, with seven nods, for Best Actress, Best Actor, Best Director, Best Picture, Best Supporting Actress, Best Screenplay and Best Score.

Charlie Wilson's War, which we've been led to believe is a version of Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip but with Tom Hanks talking about war instead of Matthew Perry implausibly imagining friends that are really himself with the letters of his name all jumbled up, has come second with five nominations. And making up the rest of the pack are all the other films that you'd expect to be making up the rest of the pack if you've been paying attention.

The Golden Globes are highly important, because some bloke who works for a company that knows about this kind of thing told Bloomberg as much:

"The golden globes are a barometer for where the critical acclaim is going, the films that are ultimately going to be considered by the academy."

See? You want a full list of Golden Globe nominations now, don't you. Can't you just wait until January 13 when the bloody things are handed out? What are you, David Duchovny or something?

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Golden Globe Nominations – Golden Globes