When it comes to the world of celebrities, however, this distinction is harder to make. Thank golly gosh for the Olsens then, who we’ve been able to watch all their lives as they became adults! With problems!

The latest occurrence in Mary-Kate Olsen’s quest for womanhood has come as she seeks immunity from prosecution in the investigation into Heath Ledger’s death earlier this year. Oh how she’s grown!

Investigators looking at the cause of Ledger’s death want to ask Mary-Kate some questions about a couple of powerful painkillers the Dark Knight star had taken before his death. However, the once cherub-faced little angel has now turned into a character akin to a mob boss, it would appear, as her lawyer has told the feds she won’t cooperate without immunity.

Aww, isn’t that sweet?

We’ve seen Mary-Kate on her journey through being a twin-child star, through growing up very much in the public eye and then taking on the necessary change from child to adult actress that brings down so many young actors.

Then we got to see her vilified by PETA, move away from solely working with her sister, having kidney problems and dealing with anorexia.

But this time she’s really gone and grown up – requesting legal immunity from federal investigators. It’s a big step in the life of any young woman and one that is sure to cement her position as a proper, bona-fide grown-up.

In a statement released to the media, Mary-Kate Olsen’s lawyer said:

“Despite tabloid speculation, Mary-Kate Olsen had nothing whatsoever to do with the drugs found in Heath Ledger’s home or his body, and she does not know where he obtained them.”

Which is all well and good, we’re not going to argue with that, nor are we going to accuse anyone of anything. But it does seem a bit strange when someone refuses to speak to investigators unless they are guaranteed immunity from prosecution. The statement goes on:

“Regarding the Government’s investigation, at Ms. Olsen’s request, we have provided the Government with relevant information including facts in the chronology of events surrounding Mr. Ledger’s death and the fact that Ms. Olsen does not know the source of the drugs Mr. Ledger consumed.

We don’t know the source of the information being quoted in the media regarding the Government’s inquiry, but these descriptions are incomplete and inaccurate.”

On the other hand though, while it may look like the Olsen that isn’t Ashley has something to hide, she may well be asking for these stipulations just to be on the safe side. It’s understandable, really, if she was involved with Heath Ledger just before his death – either as ‘just friends’ or more – that she’d want to play things with more caution.

Regardless, hecklerspray will be keeping a close eye. And we don’t grant immunity.

Yes, friendship is such a powerful force that it last through war and bloodshed, through pestilence and turmoil. And if you are blessed enough to have a friendship with say, a chain smoking girl DJ with whom you share a Facebook account last name, well you are lucky indeed. It’s because those are the kinds of friends that last.

And you gotta keep other people away from those friends too. That’s because those are the type of friends everybody wants for themselves. Lindsay Lohan knows this. Yesterday we reported that she recently used vulgarity and possibly a little alcohol puke in the corner of her mouth to rescue her greatest chum from the talons of an Olsen twin who was just about to fly away with her forever.

People, we’ve found the Facebook page.

Well Lohan’s done it. The rumour mill is going again, and this time it’s not just about falling on or off the wagon – but about her breeding preference. You see, in recent times Lohan has up and moved in with a girl named DJ Samantha Ronson, who is apparently quite good at selecting music for others to hear. The two have become quite chummy-chummy enough for Lohan to make a Facebook account under the name ‘Lindsay Ronson’.

Now we’re not saying the two are married or anything, but they have been seen raising two kids all the way from pre-school to college and arguing about things like toaster colours and who filled out the ‘damn’ cross word puzzle when it clearly wasn’t their turn, and got 37-down wrong anyway.

Is that true? We speculate no.

What’s definitely true is this – the two were out at a club recently when Ashley Olsen gave Samantha a kind hello. Lohan, apparently, erupted like this:

“Get your 15-year-old Full House ass away from my girlfriend.”

Which is pretty funny, right? But if you think about it – of course Ashley Olsen is gonna find herself drawn to someone who calls herself DJ. It’s been programmed in her since day one on the sitcom-set. She’s also fond of Jesses, Joeys, Comets and Giblers. Also she’s fond of the time Steve Urkel told Steff it was OK to have less than adequate eye sight.

Olsen maybe reacted poorly. She could have but didn’t hit Lohan square in the jaw with a garbage bag full of 32 unsold copies of her 1999 Olsen twin movie Passport To Paris, which had weak storytelling but good over-all plot and direction. VHS tapes flew everywhere, and upon seeing one lodged in the bartender’s head Lohan said ‘Oh? You were in this? This film is why I started acting.’ Now they live together and have never been happier. We’re checking Facebook for more details.

And so we give them this advice – from early on one of you fill in the across sections, and one fill out the downs. That way a stupid newspaper game will never come between you. Trust us, but more importantly, trust our parents.

Read More:

Lindsay Lohan’s Facebook Page – Gawker

Question: what do you do to generate buzz about yourself when you are a big-time celebrity who has fallen out of the spotlight, and hasn’t accomplished anything press worthy for quite a while?  

Answer: Why, you strike up the most unlikely, brow raising, gag reflex-stimulating romance you can think of, like the one between Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen that seems to be brewing. No, really. It looks as if it's true.

We also would have accepted an answer of ‘ewwwwww’.  

When we first heard the rumours of fraternising between 36-year-old Lance Armstrong, and 21-year-old Ashley Olsen, we dismissed them as utter nonsense because our brains simply would not be able to process the idea of these two as a couple. But now the initial rumours seem to have some validity because Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen were seen checking into a SoHo hotel. Now the emergency overload alarms are going off inside our head with a sterile computerised voice counting down T-minus 10 seconds when the entire sector will self-destruct. 

Our tendency for the dramatic regarding pointless issues aside, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen were spotted enjoying a cozy evening together last weekend, which included at stop at New York’s trendy Rose Bar and a Broadway show, followed by turning into the Soho House hotel for the night. Oh, and in case you’re confused or happen to care for some reason, Ashley Olsen is not the twin that went to eating disorder camp, or something and dresses like the Derelicht garbage bag-inspired fashion line from Zoolander. No, Ashley has commonly been regarded as the classier, more together of the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen duo. Score!    

Actually, it all makes sense that these two would get together because everyone knows that once you’ve defeated cancer, won seven consecutive Tour de France races, and frozen your sperm, the only thing left to do is date an Olsen twin. Doesn’t really matter which one. Ashley or Mary Kate. Just pick one, really. Likewise, it’s only natural for a girl that became a billionaire while in her teens making perky movies and selling sparkly lip gloss with her twin sister to jump to the next echelon of dating and go for way older guys that are likely serving themselves up a hearty serving of mid-life crisis at the moment.                                                                                                   

The real question here is what exactly do Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen have in common? Besides the obvious bonds of obscene amounts of money and international fame, that is. Well, we’ll be buggered if all we can come up with is hormones. Lots and lots of hormones. However, we personally like the pocket-sized portability of the elfin Olsen. She would sure fit neatly into the back pocket of Lance Armstrong’s cycling jersey.  

Despite whatever fires of love that may be burning now, an ‘insider’ close to Lance Armstrong suggests that next week Lance will be on to someone else.  This is probably true. In fact, Lance Armstrong seems to keep getting them younger, from Sheryl Crow, to Ivanka Trump, to Ashley Olsen….

Wow. Stay tuned in the next weeks for the promising encounters of Lance Armstrong and Vanessa Hudgens, Hannah Montana, and Dakota Fanning.