Articles tagged with: Ashlee Simpson
Ashlee Simpson Not Even Good Enough For Melrose Place Now
Getting people to watch the remade Melrose Place must be like putting a pig in a dress and asking strangers to hump it. How can you improve it? Short of burning it to the ground and praying that nobody remembers it even existed, you probably can't. But, hey the Melrose Place producers are a tenacious bunch, and they're not giving up without a fight. By which we mean they've sacked Ashlee Simpson. Makes sense. At least now we won't have to think of the show as Melrose Place: Starring Ashlee Simpson any more. It'll be Melrose Place: Starring, Oh, You Know, That Guy. You Know The One. That Guy Who Did That Thing. And A Girl. It's much better.
Getting people to watch the remade Melrose Place must be like putting a pig in a dress and asking strangers to hump it. How can you improve it? Short of burning it to the ground and praying that nobody remembers it even existed, you probably can't. But, hey the Melrose Place producers are a tenacious bunch, and they're not giving up without a fight. By which we mean they've sacked Ashlee Simpson. Makes sense. At least now we won't have to think of the show as Melrose Place: Starring Ashlee Simpson any more. It'll be Melrose Place: Starring, Oh, You Know, That Guy. You Know The One. That Guy Who Did That Thing. And A Girl. It's much better.
Ashlee Simpson Gets $2 Million To Show People Her Stupid Baby
If you're named Bronx Mowgli Wentz, it's a given that you'll end up either in therapy or buying a great big bag of guns. Both outcomes are hideously expensive - any therapy you had would last for decades and the legal bills you'd rack up from climbing a clocktower and blasting away indiscriminately at strangers for an hour as revenge for the years of teasing would be immense - so it's just as well that Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz have already worked out a way to set Bronx Mowgli Wentz up with a fortune. According to reports, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz could command anything up to $2 million from magazines in exchange for exclusive photos of the baby. The money would go a long way to help clean up all the gallons of poo, pee, snot and runny vomit that the couple have found themselves living amid this last week. Or they could use it to wipe up the mess that baby Bronx Mowgli made instead. It's up to them.
If you're named Bronx Mowgli Wentz, it's a given that you'll end up either in therapy or buying a great big bag of guns. Both outcomes are hideously expensive - any therapy you had would last for decades and the legal bills you'd rack up from climbing a clocktower and blasting away indiscriminately at strangers for an hour as revenge for the years of teasing would be immense - so it's just as well that Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz have already worked out a way to set Bronx Mowgli Wentz up with a fortune. According to reports, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz could command anything up to $2 million from magazines in exchange for exclusive photos of the baby. The money would go a long way to help clean up all the gallons of poo, pee, snot and runny vomit that the couple have found themselves living amid this last week. Or they could use it to wipe up the mess that baby Bronx Mowgli made instead. It's up to them.
No Free BMW For Baby Bronx Mowgli Wentz
And there we were thinking that Ashlee Simpson called her baby Bronx Mowgli Wentz because she hates it and wants it to be bullied forever. How wrong we were. According to some reports, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz may have settled on Bronx Mowgli Wentz because then they'd have a baby with the initials BMW, vastly increasing the chance of BMW giving the couple a new car as a way of thanking them for the unofficial endorsement of their brand. But that hasn't happened. A BMW spokesman has been quoted as saying that Bronx Mowgli Wentz wouldn't be getting a free car, not even on his 16th birthday. You know what this means, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz? It's back to the drawing board. In nine months' time, baby Tassimo Easyjet Argos PlayStation Tizer Wentz is going to turn your luck around!
And there we were thinking that Ashlee Simpson called her baby Bronx Mowgli Wentz because she hates it and wants it to be bullied forever. How wrong we were. According to some reports, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz may have settled on Bronx Mowgli Wentz because then they'd have a baby with the initials BMW, vastly increasing the chance of BMW giving the couple a new car as a way of thanking them for the unofficial endorsement of their brand. But that hasn't happened. A BMW spokesman has been quoted as saying that Bronx Mowgli Wentz wouldn't be getting a free car, not even on his 16th birthday. You know what this means, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz? It's back to the drawing board. In nine months' time, baby Tassimo Easyjet Argos PlayStation Tizer Wentz is going to turn your luck around!
Ashlee Simpson Gives Her Baby A Breathtakingly Gormless Name
Since she's been pregnant for roughly seven years now, Ashlee Simpson has had plenty of time to think up a really stupid baby name. But not even the biggest advocates of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz's thundering lunk-headedness could have been prepared for the sheer life-ruining awfulness of the name that they've chosen for the son that Ashlee gave birth to yesterday. Ladies and gentlemen, may we introduce you to little Bronx Mowgli Wentz. But don't think that Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz chose the name Bronx Mowgli Wentz on a whim - three weeks ago Pete Wentz told Ryan Seacrest that they wanted to meet the baby before they settled on a name. So presumably Bronx Mowgli looks like a cartoon gargoyle and he'll be raised by animals. We don't think we need to verbalise what we're all thinking, do you?
Since she's been pregnant for roughly seven years now, Ashlee Simpson has had plenty of time to think up a really stupid baby name. But not even the biggest advocates of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz's thundering lunk-headedness could have been prepared for the sheer life-ruining awfulness of the name that they've chosen for the son that Ashlee gave birth to yesterday. Ladies and gentlemen, may we introduce you to little Bronx Mowgli Wentz. But don't think that Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz chose the name Bronx Mowgli Wentz on a whim - three weeks ago Pete Wentz told Ryan Seacrest that they wanted to meet the baby before they settled on a name. So presumably Bronx Mowgli looks like a cartoon gargoyle and he'll be raised by animals. We don't think we need to verbalise what we're all thinking, do you?
Call Social Services: Pete Wentz Sings At His Unborn Emo Baby
By our estimates, Ashlee Simpson has now been pregnant for something like 400 years, approximately zero seconds of which have been remotely interesting. But it's never too late to start. So how about this - Pete Wentz, the pointy-haired emo tosswump and the father of Ashlee Simpson's unborn baby, has declared himself unofficial musical director of the pregnancy and often sings to the baby in its mother's womb. It sounds sweet, but you shouldn't be so easily fooled - for starters Pete Wentz only sings to his baby now because he knows it hasn't developed the ability to jam its fingers into its ears yet. Also, in retrospect we might have given you the wrong idea - Pete Wentz doesn't so much enjoy 'singing to his unborn baby' as 'screaming up Ashlee Simpson's tumpsy'. We assume.
By our estimates, Ashlee Simpson has now been pregnant for something like 400 years, approximately zero seconds of which have been remotely interesting. But it's never too late to start. So how about this - Pete Wentz, the pointy-haired emo tosswump and the father of Ashlee Simpson's unborn baby, has declared himself unofficial musical director of the pregnancy and often sings to the baby in its mother's womb. It sounds sweet, but you shouldn't be so easily fooled - for starters Pete Wentz only sings to his baby now because he knows it hasn't developed the ability to jam its fingers into its ears yet. Also, in retrospect we might have given you the wrong idea - Pete Wentz doesn't so much enjoy 'singing to his unborn baby' as 'screaming up Ashlee Simpson's tumpsy'. We assume.
Pete Wentz Used To Have A Gay Old Time
If you’ve ever been to a wedding, or seen one on the TV, or in a film, or read about them, or just, well, know anything about them at all, you’ll know that before the happy couple can be officially married the priest will say: “If anyone knows reasons why these two can’t be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.”
Whenever that’s said, you know if would be amusing for someone to stand up and say something - be it someone screaming: “I’m pregnant with his child!” or: “he’s a wife beater!” or even the ever-popular: "he gave me some kind of incurable VD on his stag night, and he's quite possibly a vampire!"
Ashlee Simpson Definitely Pregnant With Wentzbaby No.1
Speculation about whether or not Pete Wentz only married Ashlee Simpson because she was pregnant has been raging on for months - but now the mystery is over. He did! Pete Wentz did only marry Ashlee Simpson because he accidentally knocked her up and then felt bound by guilt and duty to quickly marry her and hope that nobody would notice. By which we mean Ashlee Simpson is pregnant! Definitely pregnant! It was never really a very well-kept secret, but apparently Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson hadn't confirmed the pregnancy before because of fears for the unborn baby. But now it's out in the open Pete and Ashlee can totally start their hardball negotiations for magazine photoshoots and baby hair straightener product endorsement deals and shit.
Speculation about whether or not Pete Wentz only married Ashlee Simpson because she was pregnant has been raging on for months - but now the mystery is over. He did! Pete Wentz did only marry Ashlee Simpson because he accidentally knocked her up and then felt bound by guilt and duty to quickly marry her and hope that nobody would notice. By which we mean Ashlee Simpson is pregnant! Definitely pregnant! It was never really a very well-kept secret, but apparently Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson hadn't confirmed the pregnancy before because of fears for the unborn baby. But now it's out in the open Pete and Ashlee can totally start their hardball negotiations for magazine photoshoots and baby hair straightener product endorsement deals and shit.
Relax Everyone, Pete Wentz & Ashlee Simpson Signed A Pre-Nup
Admit it; when Pete Wentz got married, you thought it was a ploy so Ashlee Simpson could get her claws on the Fall Out Boy millions. But it wasn't. The only thing that brought Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson together was love, along with a deep-seated suspicion that at least one of them was pregnant. And to prove it, Pete Wentz has graciously gone public and started spouting off about the sweet pre-nup he got before his wedding. Phew, at least this means that when Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson invariably get divorced at some point in the next 18 months, the only assets they'll have to divide will be their earnings from whatever godawful reality TV show they're bound to want to make soon.
Admit it; when Pete Wentz got married, you thought it was a ploy so Ashlee Simpson could get her claws on the Fall Out Boy millions. But it wasn't. The only thing that brought Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson together was love, along with a deep-seated suspicion that at least one of them was pregnant. And to prove it, Pete Wentz has graciously gone public and started spouting off about the sweet pre-nup he got before his wedding. Phew, at least this means that when Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson invariably get divorced at some point in the next 18 months, the only assets they'll have to divide will be their earnings from whatever godawful reality TV show they're bound to want to make soon.
