Oh no, these days you can say that burning a shopping trolley demonstrates excess anger and throwing pool balls at walls is a metaphor for breaking boundaries – not for pissing off people. And now Australian artist Natascha Stellmach is using the remains of Kurt Cobain to investigate suicide and the power of desecration.

Kurt Cobain did the exact same thing with a shotgun.

We also thought that foreign people were a bit mental. But this proves it. The exhibition, which is being held in Berlin is gathering multiple numbers of nutjob artists to use human remains as a medium for art; Danish artist Marco Evarissti, for example, plans to feed death row inmate Gene Hathorn to goldfish upon his execution. Why, we don’t know, but we assume the RSPCA will be on the phone deeming this to be an act of animal cruelty.

Quite how Natascha Stellmach came to posses the ashes of the former Nirvana frontman is a mystery in itself. We assumed that Courtney Love would literally have them strung round her neck, keeping would-be thieves away with brooms.

Even for our standards smoking Kurt Cobain’s ashes is pretty fucking strange, but apparently the event isn’t a pisstake. So if you happen to be in Berlin or are planning a trip, go see a woman smoke a dead man. Is it cannibalism? We’re not sure.

The full press release for the event tries to explains the whole warped point of the exhibition. It also saves us having to try and work it out. Though, it’s still utterly confusing as to why anyone would want to do this, or even care:

Australian-born Natascha Stellmach claims to have acquired the ashes of Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain. Now she’s transformed the grunge star’s remains into an installation titled Set Me Free, that investigates suicide and the power of desecration.

With this work, Stellmach joins a number of artists to use human remains as a medium; Danish artist Marco Evarissti plans to feed death row inmate Gene Hathorn to goldfish upon his execution.

Stellmach’s work comprises a “death cycle” of five pieces. The first, a suicide contemplation, titled It is Black in Here, is a sound piece. Written and read by the artist, it was recorded onto a specifically pressed record and is played on a vintage record player.

The six-minute poetic meditation on death’s proximity ends with the word ‘Gone’. Near Death Experience, is a text-based work where Kurt Cobain, Adolf Hitler, Diane Arbus and the Brothers Grimm meet in a twilight zone. Two more works, Black Scan and Untitled, build to the final work: Gone. In Gone, Stellmach presents a joint containing Cobain’s ashes, which is held in an antique case engraved with the work’s title. Stellmach intends to smoke this joint in a secret Berlin location. This act, according to the artist, will release Cobain “into the ether from the media circus.”

Asked how she came to have Cobain’s ashes, let alone smoke them, Stellmach told Artworld: “That’s confidential and kind of magic. They came to me.”

Until October 11

Gallerie Wagner + Partner, Berlin

Surely you can imagine her grave robbing at 3am whilst the rain lashes down? With a cigarette firmly shoved in her cakehole, she’ll scream to any passing squirrels “he’s mine all mine, they blamed me for his death. But they’re wrong! I’ll take him back where he belongs”. You can’t? Oh, shame on you.

We can, and yet our theory of Courtney Love scurrying off in the dead of the night to stuff and mount her dead husband was quickly shit on. It turns out that during a robbery in her LA home, the ashes of grunge’s only credible frontman were nicked. And some clothes and jewellery, lets not forget the small details. Maybe it was Dave Grohl being bonkers as usual and wanting to impersonate her. Drummers, mental aren’t they?

The NME had always reported that the location of Kurt Cobain’s ashes was a highly guarded secret, perhaps locked in a hidden vault five miles below the earth’s surface in Russia. Nope – turns out they were in Courney Love’s house all along. Emphasis on the ‘were’. The ever reliable News of the World reported:

She had kept the singer’s ashes in a pink teddy-bear-shaped bag along with a lock of his hair. But a couple of weeks ago, she was horrified to discover them gone, along with thousands of pounds worth of clothes and jewellery. Courtney said: “I can’t believe anyone would take Kurt’s ashes from me.”I find it disgusting and right now I’m suicidal. If I don’t get them back I don’t know what I’ll do.”

So what’s basically happened is a shit for brains burglar has got more then he’s bargained for. Yup he/she might have gotten a few extra dollars after the robbery, but now they’ve got a funny magic powder on their hands.

Not that we encourage the consumption of the dead, but maybe trying a bit will bring the spirit of Kurt Cobain back into our lives! Who wouldn’t want a constantly depressed man grumbling about life all the time?

On seconds thought, screw that. We’re happy wearing our trendy zombie shoes that he brought out. It makes us feel cooler inside anyway.

You bring a newly-cremated loved one home and open up the urn, only to have some of the ashes spew onto the table. Dang it all. Now you have to go to the trouble of carefully sweeping the ashy vestiges of your great granny back in there using your pinky. Unless you’re Keith Richards. If you’re Keith Richards you daub up those ashes on your pinky and stick it up your nose hole and snort like you’ve never snorted before.

For reals this time, guys. This time he says he really did it for reals.

About a year ago, Keith Richards, aging/old/defying-the-laws-of-drug-usage-to-still-alive rocker from The Rolling Stones, revealed in an interview with NME that he mixed up a little delightful blow comprised of cocaine and some of his daddy Bert’s ashes and had himself a lovely snort. Despite the fact that there really is not a whole lot Keith Richards can do to shock even an ardently religious woman who teaches Sunday school and showers fully clothed, the whole dad-snorting thing was a bit shocking.

It was also a bit false. Right after the disgusting twistedness of somebody ingesting another human being – other than for purely cannibalistic purposes, which we fully support – was revealed, Keith Richards said the whole thing was just a bit of tomfoolery:

“The truth of the matter is that I planted a sturdy English Oak. I took the lid off the box of ashes, and he is now growing oak trees and would love me for it!!!”

Okay, okay, but NOW Keith Richards is saying he really DID do it. In addition to the long list of non-drugs he’s likely sniffed – baking powder, gardenia scented body talc, detergent, Pixie Stix, golf balls (unsuccessfully) – Keith Richards says he did take a snort of Bertie-boy, just not with cocaine. Look here at what he told Blender magazine:

“I looked at my dad’s ashes down there and – what am I gonna do? “Do I desecrate them with a dustbin and broom? So I wet me [sic] finger and I shoved a little bit of Dad up me [sic] hooter. The rest of them I put round an oak tree, which is coming up a treat. And I’m sure he’s still blessing me.”

Hear that? One man’s hooter is another man’s nostril. Good thing the Hooters restaurant chain wasn’t started by Keith Richards. It would have quite a different image, now wouldn’t it.

But, hey, Keith Richards snorting weird stuff isn’t always negative. There was that one time we heard he tried to snort Mick Jagger. It caused quite a rift amongst the band for a while, but ended up leading to one of their most influential songs in music history, (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction from Snorting Mick Jagger. Thus, we fully support whatever Keith Richards wants to snort for the sake of the music.

Except for drugs. Drugs are bad. Stay in school.

Read more:

Keith Richards: I DID Snort My Dad’s Ashes - Huffington Post