Timbaland Marries Same Woman Twice In One Month – Second Time With Different Drumbeats

When hecklerspray met the love of its life, it gently released her from the giant steel bear trap that had snapped her ankle in two.

Then we looked her right in the eyes, tucked her sweat-covered hair behind an ear and said: "We knew we’d find you. That’s why we’ve been baiting this trap once a week for the past ten years.”

Ends up she wasn’t into us - probably because we made her gangrenous. Still though, as we sometimes run her 6”x 3” patch of skin through our fingers - the piece that got torn off in the hinge and has long since turned to human-leather - we can’t help but wonder what she’s doing now and if she ever thinks of us.

Seriously - we are so lonely.

Timbaland’s not lonely anymore though – and he proved it with an island wedding that may or may not be officially recognised in the United States. He got married a day or two ago – to a woman who didn’t complain one bit when their first dance was to a 43-minute remixed Nelly Furtado song.