If you know someone who’s doing well, you’d be there for them, right? Always showering them with praise or offering words of encouragement when stuff goes a little bit pear-shaped. Anyone with a heart would anyway.
But is everything we see even real? We’ll never know if the smiles and waves that were directed to Cheryl Cole from Girls Aloud were designed to be positive encouragement? Or pile loads of unneeded pressure upon her shoulders so she’d fail and spend a few months in rehab?
For this year’s X-Factor, Tulisa and Kelly Rowland stepped in for Cheryl and Dannii Minogue. We assume that Beyonce was too busy faking a child bump or something to care about her friend Kelly’s progress on the show. As for Tulisa, her fellow members of N-Dubz have been quiet on celebrating her success. Well we say that, Dappy has now decided to voice his opinion on more than just the show.
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Can you remember last year when Chris Brown bit and punched Rihanna so much that she needed to go into hospital? Punched and bit her so hard that she needed to go into hospital. Punched and bit her. The superstar called Rihanna. That she needed to go to hospital.
Well, she got on with her life and went on to release the anthem for Alzheimers Disease ‘What’s My Name,’ which has the best use of an odd coloured blazer since Hi-De-Hi. Whereas he has released some pretty substandard dance tracks that seem to be very similar to Calvin Harris.
Not that we’re saying that he’s copying Calvin Harris at all. Just that the songs are very similar. So similar that if you were to listen to one, you may think its Calvin Harris. Either way, no-one would think that this is a good model for a career would they? If you did, you would probably be sectioned. Who in their right mind would copy what an abusive partner does? Who would think “I know blud, I’ll slap the missus around a bit and then tell the press. They’ll think I’m the UK version of Chris Brown. Brrrap. Na na naa.” Hey Dappy!
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Oh SpongeBob SquarePants! You lovable oaf you! You’re like a diet Ren & Stimpy and we can’t knock you for it. You’re a delightfully odd chap and have delightfully odd chums.
However.
Things have taken a turn for the worse for SpongeBob as it transpires via various reports that he’s been arrested outside Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood! And we’ve got the photographic evidence! And it’s not us doing some dodgy photoshopping either.
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We’ve long enjoyed stalking celebrities in their homes. It gives us not only a sense of knowing the celebrity that little bit more, but also, a sense of achievement. Ever scaled an electrified security fence covered in vandal grease and then sneaked through a tiny lavatory window undetected? You haven’t lived.
Sadly though, the vandal paint provides an excellent tracking system as dirty great footprints chart your progress to-and-from the knicker drawer.
And we’ve found this out to our expense again as ‘scribe Dep. Ed., Michael Park has once again been arrested outside Paris Hilton’s Hollywood Hills home in Malibu. We’ve give the exact address but we’re hoarding it for ourselves and giving to it Michael as a gift on his release. We’ve also got a picture of Michael’s arrest for your delectation.
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Samy Naceri? Who in shit’s name is he? Well, he’s an actor who was in Taxi and Days of Glory? Okay? Just that justify him being on these pages? It shouldn’t matter really as he’s got arrested for flashing, which is hilarious.
That’s right, while dealing with autograph hunters, Samy decided to bare his arse while in Cannes, France. He was taken into custody on suspicion of “displaying an intimate part of his anatomy” in public.
Great! And this mad coot has previous! And it is way worse than dropping your trousers in public!
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Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan are everyone’s favourite lunatics. However, knocking them all into a cocked hat is the tremendously troubled Edward Furlong, who you may remember as Him From The Terminator Films.
Well, this week, Furlong added another slice of bad behaviour to his CV, which is just great.
Furlong was arrested yesterday for violating a domestic restraining order. Oh, not to mention the fact that he’s behind in child support because he’s completely and utterly broke. Maybe he wants to write for hecklerspray?
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Mmmm, nothing beats the food at Wormwood Scrubs.
Comfortable living facilities, a ready supply of pharmaceuticals and a quaint, gangland atmosphere make the place first choice for musicians on the downward spiral. It’s like the priory, but better!
If you don’t mind people stealing your chocolate pudding or being gutted with a fork, it’s a fine and friendly place, like Disneyland for petty gangsters. Solitary confinement can only be a laugh when you’ve got 12 personalities, a catalogue of wussy tunes and a lot of time to kill.
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Hard as it may be to believe or even accept, authorities in Switzerland have confirmed that everyone’s favourite ‘death waiting to happen’, Pete Doherty, has been fined for a being a big drug-using drug user.
The troubled poet – nay, genius – was found slumped on the toilet on a British Airways flight into Geneva on Friday, possibly as a result of his ferocious intellect finally managing to overwhelm him.
Either that or he was offering handjobs for crack money and got a bit tired from all the wrist action, so decided to settle down for a little nap.
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