arrest - HecklerSpray

Amanda Bynes Is Too Batshit for Regular Court

November 15th, 2014 By Chris Chambers

Originally set to be tried by Judge Judy, Amanda Bynes’ drunk driving case is being moved to the mental health court, either because she is actually too nuts to “understand the nature of the legal proceedings” or has been pretending to be nuts well enough for her lawyer to use it as her defense.

I don’t know if I buy it though. She seems more dumb than crazy (who throws a vase out a 36th floor window?), so maybe she’s just been putting on a show at the behest of her lawyer, whose line of thinking is probably, “No one will believe any one person can be stupid! We’ll play the crazy card.”

Lindsay Lohan To Appear As Herself On Glee (Tragic)

March 28th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

After getting in trouble with her mental dad, God, drugs, the law and a jewellers, Lindsay Lohan has been doing her darnedest to get back into everyone’s good books. Then she nearly ran someone over in her Porsche.

At some point in all this, she thought she’d have a crack at comedy, appearing on Saturday Night Live. However, she got a royal kicking there, which surely left her weighing up a drink and drugs binge. Why bother getting good if you’re just going to get slapped around?

Well, in what could potentially be Last Chance Saloon for LiLo, she’s going to try and put her SNL fiasco behind her and appear on?Glee. As herself. Does that mean shagging pornstars and crying onto an ankle tag? God we hope so.

Bobby Brown Shocks Everyone By Getting Arrested Again

March 27th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

After telling everyone that he slept in his car, nearly bankrupting himself to get Whitney Houston into rehab, everyone briefly thought that they had Bobby Brown all wrong. Maybe he’s a nice guy and not the ghoul he’s been painted as?

But then you remember the trouble he’s caused all by himself. Candy Girl being one such unforgiveable example.

So now, we revert to type, with the LAPD saying that Bobby has been arrested for being absolutely ripped to his tits by the wheel of a car. ‘DUI’ if you’re American. ‘Drink driving’ if you live in England. ‘Stop being so soft, he’s fine’ if you’re Scottish.

Michael Says God Will Judge Lindsay Lohan (Psst – God Doesn’t Exist)

March 22nd, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Lindsay Lohan’s father, Michael, looks like a massive lunatic from where we’re sat. And we’re in no position to judge. That’s how wretchedly awful he seems. And he’s saying that LiLo should forget the judge, because it’s God who will want to kick her ass.

Michael wants to make sure she’s made things right with God, or else!

Of course, the neat thing here is that God doesn’t exist, meaning that Lindsay can sin and sin and sin, which is great for plebs like us who like to write about her and suppress our sexual feelings toward her.

Lindsay Lohan Apparently Has It Off With Skydiving Porn No-Mark

May 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

Lindsay Lohan is once again gracing our pages, this time, apparently having it off with a porn star. And the best thing about it is that she is supposed to have taken wang while her father slept in a room upstairs.

And the man who claims he put the tip into LiLo is someone we’ve covered before on these pages.

Do you remember Alex Torres, who goes by the screen name Voodoo? Well, he’s the bloke who made a skydiving bongo flick. That’s right. Its the guy who grimaced unconvincingly into a woman while hurtling through the sky. He’s ‘done’ Lohan as well. Possibly for money.

Pitbull Says That Lindsay Lohan Shouldn’t Sue Him (She Should Try Killing Him Instead)

March 19th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Pitbull’s fame, like David Guetta’s, is absolutely mystifying. They’ve featured on every single record made in the past three years and continued to be powerful movers-and-shakers, despite an obvious absence of talent or charisma. There can be only one logical explanation for their influence.

They clearly own TMZ and have so much dirt on the celebrity world that anyone who refuses their collaborations will be met with the most scurrilous rumours in print and leaked nude photographs.

One person who is about to be ruined is Lindsay Lohan who has decided to take Pitbull on, quite possibly, in a court of law.

Lindsay Lohan: Hit And Run, Police Involvement And Hurray She’s Back!

March 14th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Jewel thief. Drunk. Druggie. Violent. Broken. Ankle tagged. Rehabber. Corpse worker. Oh, and actress. Lindsay Lohan has had a colourful life hasn’t she? Then, she looked like she was going to straighten-up and go all Christian.

Then she remembered who she was.

And so, after drinking and getting her boobs out in Playboy, LiLo is back in the game, this time, running over someone in her car and fleeing the scene! Hurray! HURRAY! Bloodshed and tears! That’s what we want!

Gary Glitter Is On His Computer Again, Causing Trouble And Upsetting Everyone

January 20th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Remember when they hung Gary Glitter on Channel 4? That was nice wasn’t it? Alas, for you pitchfork wielders, it was a work of fiction and Glitter is actually alive and well and causing trouble on twitter.

Apparently, the twitter account (not yet verified, so invariably a hoax) says that the disgraced glamster will be making a comeback on the road in 2012. That’s if people don’t storm the building and tear him limb-from-limb.

They’d want to do that after he was convicted of possessing child pornography (sentenced to four months) and then, after release, arrested in Vietnam for committing obscene acts with children (three years in the clink). However, all that’s behind him now.

Bruno Mars Cleared Of Cocaine Charges: Should’ve Got The Chair

January 19th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

There is no-one more hateful on planet Earth than Bruno Mars. Absolutely everything about him is odious to the point of a year-long continuous vomit. And yet, there’s people out there who are determined to keep him in the public eye.

His songs are played, his stupid goofy expression keeps appearing on our televisions and no-one seems to care that he sang ‘meet a really nice girl and have some really nice sex, and she’s gonna scream out ‘THIS IS GREAT!’‘ while others willingly join in with “I’ll be lounging on my couch just chillin’ in my snuggie“

You monsters. And now, the law has decided that cocaine possession charges against Mars should be dismissed when really, he should’ve been sent to the electric chair for his awful, tepid, vapid, intestinal dissolving music.

Paris Hilton To Team Up With LMFAO To Make Ears Redundant Forever

January 18th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

How are your ears? Like having them? They’re great for holding your glasses up aren’t they? Pierced them? How nice. Alas, there’s one drawback with ears – you can hear stuff. Yep, all manner of useless dreck can creep in their and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Unless you stuff the canal with liquid concrete and then lop them off with cigar clippers.

And you may want to do exactly that because the most appalling news has come our way – Paris Hilton is making a pop comeback and she’s teaming up with zany-irony gobblers and ear-wormers, LMFAO. If you don’t know what that means, let us draw out the horror.