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TV Review: Junior Apprentice Episode 6 – The Final!

August 5th, 2012 By Nik Johnson

Previously on Junior Apprentice: Flogging, fighting and fannying.

They open by meeting Sir Alan at an aquarium at about 7.30am, when we suspect it’s not actually open. Hewer looks like he can jimmy a lock though, so they manage to sneak in and glare at the sharks. Their task is to sell bottled water by creating a brand, bottle, TV advert, jingle and pitch it to Industry Experts.

But with this being the final episode, the folks that got fired are back, and lined up ready to be picked for either team. Nawty Adam is back, and the LAD quotient increases a million fold, while first week’s fired twat Jordan De Courcy is last to be picked, and stands looking increasingly uncomfortable as he realises nobody wants him.

TV Review: Junior Apprentice Episode 5

August 5th, 2012 By Nik Johnson

Last week on Junior Apprentice: Art, arrogance and arseholes.

The task opens in Amsterdam, which leads the teams to consider all the things that they’d do over there: Tim puts on a rubbish Dutch accent and Emma would sell windmills and clogs. If Adam hadn’t been sent home the other day, he’d probably have gone on a three-week drugs and hookers binge culminating in a vomiting experience over the Anne Frank museum and a hasty cover-up with Nick Hewer to prevent a diplomatic incident.

They arrive in a Dragon’s Den-esque warehouse to be confronted by a serious looking Hewer, Karren Brady and a video recording of Alan, because he can’t be arsed to fly out. Who can blame him, KLM are rubbish. In fact, their first class bit is the same as the rest of the plane but with a curtain drawn across so the snobs don’t have to look at the plebs.

TV Review: Junior Apprentice Episode 4

June 3rd, 2010 By Nik Johnson

Previously on Junior Apprentice: Cupcakes, cock-ends and crap cupcake costumes.

The children of the damned arrive at the David Beckham Academy for the most tenuous of reasons: the academy is there to spot the talent of the future, and that's what they?ll be doing. With art. ?I wonder if David will be there?, muses one contestant. She's disappointed. There's no David Beckham. Instead, there's a crotchety old midget in a suit, there to bark orders at them like a pissed off hedgehog.

Tim, the wolf-man that shirks responsibility at every opportunity, is project managing midget Kirsty and eerie blonde Hannah. He's not happy about being PM, and later complains that he was forced to make all the awkward decisions. The poor sod.