Are you one of these people who hates their mother-in-law? Good. You probably deserve it for picking such a lousy partner in the first place. Seriously. What were you thinking? Were you that desperate for a ride?

Anyhoo, one person who has had bother with their other-half’s mum is Angelina Jolie. It’s fair to say she’s not desperate for a shag. She could pretty much shag anyone she wanted.

Jolie hasn’t seen eye-to-eye with Brad Pitt’s mother because Brad Pitt’s mother is an overbearing weapon who likes sticking her oar in. Of course, Jolie is an opinionated, jealous lunatic, so it wasn’t ever going to be pretty.

Well, it appears that the feuding pair have called a truce and now, Angelina and Jane Pitt are acting like adults. Nice adults. Not those fighting adults.

Six long years these tits have been at it!

Why? Well, Jane, reportedly criticised Angelina’s mothering skills when she threw some kind of dreary children’s party for those babies they stole from some undernourished country. That ‘degenerated into a bitter showdown’.

Sources told NOW magazine:

“Ever since Brad got together with Angie, her poor relationship with his mom has been hanging over them like a dark cloud.”

They continued:

“Jane adored Jen and was devastated when Brad left her for Ange. It didn’t help that Ange’s attitude was pretty much: ‘Hey, if you don’t like me, I don’t care. I am who I am – just deal with it.’ “

You can picture her saying it can’t you? Puce faced, tight-lipped sneering mother glaring at faux-sass indignant Hollywood bozo stood beside a greying Brad Pitt who wishes they’d both just piss off.

At least they’re all playing nice though, eh?

BUT NO-ONE CARES! EVEN US WHO ARE WRITING THIS GODAWFUL ARTICLE. WILL YOU EVER FORGIVE US FOR WASTING YOUR STINKING TIME?

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50 Cent is an astonishing man. He’s the one who opened the door for ‘deaf rap’. No, not ‘def’. We mean ‘hard of hearing’ because, if you listen to his style, he sounds like he’s got a sock for a tongue. This paved the way for many, many tone deaf rappers.

If your skills and flow are severely limited, then the best thing to do is to court controversy.

And that is exactly what 50 Cent is doing as he’s saying he won’t release another album on Interscope and also threatening to leak Dr. Dre’s new single ‘Psycho’. And grow a proper tongue.

50 explained his plans for his Black Magic album, which he actually recorded but scrapped because he’s more interested in his new untitled cut…

“No, it has a whole new title. It’s a whole different energy. The Black Magic music, I have it, and I’ll probably use it in, maybe, a film project.”

That all sounds very professional and PR, but on twitter, he was running his mouth off.

“Man I’m not releasing a album. I can’t believe Interscope is this fucked up right now. I apologize to my fans”

“I will work with other artists on their projects but I will not put out another album. They dropped the ball with me one time too many.”

He then threatened that he would be “putting out” Dr. Dre’s next Detox single on Wednesday in retaliation against Interscope.

“You’re gonna love it, it’s a big song. I just don’t think it deserves a great setup since they can’t seem to get it right when it comes to me”

Meanwhile, the rest of the world awakes from its slumber wondering what in fuck’s name all the fuss is about while simultaneously completely ignoring new 50 track called ‘I’m On It’ which appeared online this week.

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We look to our pop stars for bad behaviour because… well… in some cases, it’s all they have. We certainly don’t want to listen to all that stupid music they release. Music costs money and investment of time. Hearing that famous people have been dicks is free.

Especially badly behaved are rappers. God we love rappers. They have guns and drugs in their big cars. Some of them even get shot dead like Tupac.

However, stupid Dizzee Rascal is rather well-behaved. So well behaved that, when he was thrown off a British Airways flight, the passengers stuck up for him.

Dizzee, probably wishing he opened a who silo of whoop-ass on the BA staff, was accused of kicking off when he discovered his flight was delayed.

Rascal (his real name) and his fellow passengers were sat on a the plane and left waiting for more than an hour on the runway. Dizzee was supposed to be at a festival in Portugal. He didn’t make it.

Someone called John Godsland, stuck up for the rapper as well as dramatically adding that he will never fly BA again, told the Standard:

“We had been on the plane for about an hour, Dizzee had been asleep, and he woke up and there was a female member of cabin crew walking past and he said to her something along the lines of, ‘What’s going on? What are we still doing here? What’s happening?’”

Then, the passenger added that the flight attendant started “wagging her finger at him” before getting the captain to throw him off the flight into the waiting arms of the law.

Another passenger, this one called Gillian Beeby, tweeted:

“On a flight to Portugal and disgusted by BA’s treatment of a person who got thrown off due to a member of staff being rude. BA has just thrown Dizzee Rascal off flight to Portugal – appalling behaviour by BA staff who inflamed situation!”

There you have it. Airline workers can have rappers in a fight.

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The live X Factor finals start tomorrow, which we’re giddy about because it means we get to watch the exact same thing every week until we want to die.

However, there’s just one little thing that could derail the entire show, and that’s that the X Factor judges are being great big babies. According to reports, X Factor judges Louis Walsh, Dannii Minogue and Cheryl Cole are all fighting because some of them don’t want to sit next to other judges and one of them has a slightly bigger dressing room than the rest.

What’s more, Cheryl Cole doesn’t like Louis Walsh because he’s got BO, and Louis Walsh doesn’t like Dannii Minogue because she keeps her lunch inside an ice cream tub instead of a real lunchbox like he does, and Dannii Minogue heard Carly Robinson from 7F tell her best friend’s cousin that Cheryl Cole had nits and was a lesbian IDST.

We’ll admit that we haven’t really been paying attention to X Factor this year. That’s mainly because, whenever we’ve tried to watch it, someone has been crying. If the contestants aren’t crying because they’re happy or because they’re sad or because their dead rabbit’s last wish was for them to enter X Factor and it’ll never get to see them succeed, then Cheryl Cole’s crying because, like, getting paid hundreds of thousands of pounds to tell a bad singer that they’re bad at singing is the most difficult thing she’s ever had to do.

And if neither of those are happening, then chances are we’re crying because X Factor is shit and it makes us want to kill ourselves.

Tomorrow sees the start of the X Factor live finals – the culmination of months of hard work after which one lucky contender, if they believe in themselves and strive to be the best they can be, might wind up a tenth as famous as Chico.

However, it’s been reported that tensions between the X Factor judges might threaten to tear the entire show apart, and it’s all down to who sits next to who and who and who gets the biggest dressing room. Apparently, the biggest faultlines lay between the following:

Louis Walsh – An X Factor stalwart, Louis Walsh has been on the show since the beginning, apart from the time when he decided to spuriously resign for a week and the other time when Simon Cowell fired him for about 30 minutes. Louis Walsh doesn’t like fellow X Factor judge Dannii Minogue, because he’s loyal to previous X Factor judge Sharon Osbourne – who Dannii didn’t get on with – even though it was Sharon Osbourne who once threw a glass of water over Louis on a live TV show.

Dannii Minogue - Unfamous sister of Kylie Minogue, Dannii Minogue joined X Factor last year and didn’t get on with Sharon Osbourne because Sharon went on TV with clingfilm wrapped around her head and Dannii thought she was mocking her heavily botoxed face. After the rift caused Sharon to leave X Factor, Dannii Minogue decided she also didn’t like her replacement Cheryl Cole, because Cheryl Cole is young and pretty and sexy and Dannii Minogue was supposed to be the young, pretty sexy one on X Factor even though she’s almost 40 and has a face like a brass doorhandle. Dannii also doesn’t get on with Louis Walsh because, oh, who cares.

Cheryl Cole – Nobody likes Cheryl Cole because she cries all the bastard time.

Got all that? Good. Now here’s The Mirror to explain their new scrap:

Dannii Minogue insists she should sit apart from Louis Walsh – and the feeling is mutual. But all-powerful Simon, 49, likes to sit next to this year’s new girl Cheryl Cole, 25. A source explained: “Dannii is fuming she is placed next to Louis. The pair are well known for their disagreements and both are not keen on having to sit next to each until Christmas. Simon wants Cheryl beside him – but she wants to sit beside Louis!”

What’s more, there’s one dressing room in the X Factor studios that’s slightly bigger than the others, and Louis, Dannii and Cheryl all apparently want it. And we’re promised that these arguments are real, and really could put the future of X Factor in jeopardy. You know, just like how they’re real every year and aren’t just a way of getting people to stop watching Strictly Come Dancing.

Still, whatever stops people from remember they’re going to have to spend the next three months of their lives watching endless piss-weak Whitney Houston karaoke, eh?