Lamentably earnest Canadian ear-botherers Arcade Fire have expressed their distaste of adulation, unlimited financial resources, fast cars, supermodel girlfriends and generally having the time of their bloody lives.

Recently quoted as believing they ‘do not belong in the mainstream pop charts’, the band have prompted heartfelt agreement from not only the mainstream pop charts but the majority of the world’s population – many of whom have their own things to worry about and require some ‘fun’ when they listen to a record.

Right?

“We’re the grain of pepper in the salt shaker; we don’t belong in this world.”

Richard Reed Parry opined, whilst frontman Wil Butler, speaking recently to a British broadsheet, grumbled

“I don’t know if it’s a British thing, the biggest-band-in-the-world competition. It’s something that wasn’t ingrained in any of us… It’s really a lot easier to get smaller.”

Music-lovers across the globe are thought to be in agreement and are believed to think that the quickest and easiest way to ‘get smaller’ would be to stop making soul-sappingly worthy over-crafted records altogether, lose the absurd haircut and get back to the damp bedsit, the hand-rolled cigarettes and the lack of recognition they so obviously crave and let the rest of us get back to enjoying ourselves.

The band – who look like they would burst into tears if you asked them for a smile and have clearly never once had an ill-advised snog and feel-up with an unsuitable stranger in a town-centre bus shelter at three in the morning – are apparently unaware that many people prefer popular music to be the soundtrack of significant times in their lives, and not the soundtrack of moments spent sitting at red-lights in your car at midnight in the rain, trying to remember where it all first started going wrong.

Vincent Moon, who has won universal sympathy after making a documentary with the band, has gone so far as to state

“They’re not good people, that’s it.”

If, by saying ‘not good people’ he meant that they are an unbearable collection of po-faced dullards who couldn’t write a spontaneously memorable tune to save their lives and wouldn’t know a good time if it were noshing them off is not known at time of publication.

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10 - If you have Chrome, you MUST watch this Arcade Fire thing. Breathtaking – Thewildernessdowntown

9 - Italian Spider-Man is best Spider-Man…

8 - 35 ways to improve your life immeasurably – Buzzfeed

7 - This new toilet design will never ever get abused, ever. Honest - Geekologie

6 - Oh Yoko Ono, don’t ever stop being you. Alright, stop being you a bit – Bestweekever

5 – Lindsay Lohan talks about herself. In a magazine. For once - AmyGrindhouse

4 - We know what you’re thinking: But what about the world testicle-cooking championship? – Asylum

3 - Who wants to see a man pretending to have sex with oblivious strangers? - Nothingtoxic

2 - Are you a dreadful bastard? Then why not try dog yoga? – Urlesque

1 – Question: is this the most awful man in the world? Answer: quite possibly, yes – AV Club

Separating the sweet, juicy flesh from the stone and skin of upcoming major label releases.

We think that we’ve picked out a nicely diverse collection of albums this week. We’re not overly fond of all of them, but, hey: we call things as we hear them and then allow you to decide (except for the new one from Communist hippies Arcade Fire, because you simply must like that. Oh yes: YOU MUST).

That aside, we have songs from Radio 2 emoto-princess Katie Melua, and some wonderfully jaunty Irish nonsense from Gaelic Storm.

Welcome please, come and see, enjoy our wares.

Firstly, The House, Katie Melua. Harmless charmless acoustic nonsense from Terry Wogan‘s favourite curly-haired cutey.

Katie Melua tears us apart. On the one hand, she quite obviously has a lovely, jazzy voice which is well-trained and capable of tackling (and mastering) a massive range of styles.

On the other hand, she was brought to fame by the bewigged Irishman as a one-trick wonder, singing gently a soppy ballad in which every sappy lady in the country could find some emotional resonance.

Oh, Katie Melua, you could have done so much good with that voice. Instead, you chose to continue with the “Music For Fluffy Kittens” thing, instead of going with a “Songs Which Can Stimulate Real Human Emotions” vibe.

Look, it’s a Katie Melua album. So obviously a quite NICE album, filled with NICE songs sung in a NICE voice and NICEly arranged. But if that is your thing, then you almost certainly are a NICE person with a NICE house and NICE beige furnishings. In which case, you aren’t even reading this hecklerspray review, so we can happily tell you to piss off back to NICEthings.com.

Here’s the thought for The House by Katie Melua:

I wonder what would be the ultimate music for relaxing my hypnotherapy clients into sleep. Something completely bland and inoffensive, which allows one to listen while making absolutely no emotional investment…

Well escuse me, Mister Reviewer. I am a rather NICE person, who has a NICE life which I live in the NICE county of Poshcestershire (town of NICE-upon-Beige). I would be most grateful if you would take me to The House by Katie Melua. With NICEst wishes, Col. William NICEington-NICE (Ret’d).

Secondly, The Suburbs, Arcade Fire. Third album from the Canadian hippy rockers, and it’s a beauty.

The band’s musical influences are clear, but developed here into something unique rather than just used as easy stylistic references to avoid the listener having to think.

From the piano-led ragtime of opener The Suburbs (John Lennon meets The Cure), through Empty Room and We Used To Wait (Heroes-era Bowie re-imagined by ABBA), to Suburban War and Deep Blue (unmistakably The Byrds), Arcade Fire have successfully incorporated other bands’ sounds into something very much their own.

Arcade Fire’s The Suburbs is a cracking album, and one you should rush out and buy right now. It has a thought and here it is:

Hmm. This is a seriously great album. Who knew The Byrds could be improved upon?

Alright, you’ve got me. This album is good, yadda yadda yadda. Take me to The Suburbs and let me decide for myself.

Thirdly, Cabbage, Gaelic Storm. Your Mango loves the occasional bit of Irish tomfoolery. There’s just something very liberating about throwing your booze-sodden body around a dancefloor to the sound of fiddles, bodhrans and mandolins.

And Gaelic Storm’s latest album is a great example of the genre. From the opening stomper Raised On Black And Tans, you know that you’re in for an album of serious daftness.

Just Ran Out Of Whiskey is a strangely jaunty lament about…well, take a guess. Cecilia is a good, gently Gaelicified version of the Simon And Garfunkel song, and The Buzzards Of Bourbon Street is a wonderful bringing together of crashing drums and jubilant bagpipes.

Our favourite track, though, has to the closer, Chucky Timm, in which we’re exhorted to “Brush off your smoking jacket. Take off your thinking cap. Put on a pair of big boy’s pants and button up your flap. Here comes Chucky Timm, so get your drinking boots on.”

Sounds like a chap we would love to get to know, that Chucky Timm. Here’s the thought for Gaelic Storm’s Cabbage:

This may be my favouritest dancing album of all the year long. Must thank the Mango for bringing it to my attention.

Oh, to be sure, ’tis a grand old album so ’tis. Now take me to Cabbage by them there Gaelic Storm boys afore I knock your bonce off wit me old Shillelagh. To be sure.

Farewell for another week, faithful Mangons. In the meantime, do send us your latest musical masterpieces. Get in touch at: thegibbo[at]gmail.com.

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Boxing day. A day of cold turkey, lingering family resentment and the fist-hard realisation that you didn't get a Nintendo Wii.

But don't worry. We're here. Well, actually we're not here at all. We wrote this weeks ago. Right now we're either laying on the balcony of an exclusive five-star hotel in the Seychelles or we're watching An American Tail on TV in bed with a bucket of Haribo and a hangover. Who knows where our lives will take us?

Anyway, as is now fast becoming traditional in the week between Christmas and the new year, we're going to fill the gap with the Spraylist, a personal insight into the stuff our senior writers liked best this year. And we're kicking off today with everyone's favourite albums…

Stuart Heritage

Sneaking through on a technicality – it came out in Cornelius' native Japan in 2006 – Sensuous couldn't be more beautiful if it advertised bras for Marks And Spencers. A genuine masterpiece of production, Sensuous manages to sound vital and meditative all at once, ambient and electronic but human too. True, I'd yammer on about how brilliant Cornelius was if he released an album of armpit farts, but Sensuous utterly justifies the hype. You deserve this album in your lives.

C J Davies

Ten of the fellows? In some sort of 'countdown' format? Sounds like a plan:

10. 'Because Of The Times' – Kings Of Leon
A few unwelcome guitar solos, but otherwise top-notch unpretentious fun. And 'Arizona' is one of the best things they've ever done.

9. 'We Can Create' – Maps
Drifty and ethereal niceness that should have won that Mercury thing.

8. 'Mirrored' – Battles
Math-rock pioneers assault your eardrums and will slowly – guaranteed – invade your humming glands.

7. 'Proof Of Youth' – The Go! Team
Pop distilled.

6. 'And Their Refinement Of The Decline' – Stars Of The Lid
Epic shimmering wonderment.

5. 'Strawberry Jam' – Animal Collective
The Baltimore basketcases come of age with a remarkable – and surprisingly accessible – selection of gems.

4. '23' – Blonde Redhead
The epitome of 'a grower.' Melodies that suddenly become so good around the third or fourth listen, you'll wonder how you did without them.

3. 'In Rainbows' – Radiohead
I once heard someone say this sounded like a 'Massive Attack album with Thom Yorke guesting.' Their problem being?

2. 'Kala' - M.I.A
Fucking awesome.

1. 'Neon Bible' – Arcade Fire
You know it's good. You own it.

Shawn Lindseth

The best album of 2008 without a shadow of a doubt is that old LP that fell off my neighbour's bookshelf and crammed deep in his neck. I'm fully aware this is sounds quite morbid, but that guy tried moving his fence eight inches into my yard. I mean my Step-Dad's yard.

Other than that, the best album based on musical merit would have to be Ween's La Cucaracha for two chief reasons. The first is the opening track, the second is the closing track. Two bookends surrounding genius.

Chris Laverty

I didn't buy a thing worth mentioning this year. I did quite like April March's cover of Chick Habit on Death Proof soundtrack. But I didn't buy it.

Matthew Laidlow

There have been quite a few bits and bobs this year that have gotten me all excited and giggly like a pregnant schoolgirl who’s just found out she’s getting a free council house. So I’m going to be annoying and list more than one. Animal Collective’s Strawberry Jam is pushing experimental songwriting in my opinion, Radiohead’s In Rainbows is a welcome return to form after a few ropey recent efforts, and The Tuss who is really just Aphex Twin under a silly name is also back to form after his last 'proper' album. I could go on, but I’d be here all day. Well seeing as we’re here, Bogdan Raczynski’s Alright album is quite bouncy to.

Annette Hyde

LCD Soundsystem, Sound of Silver – I like this album because it’s a nice little mix that will get you through a workout where you want to strangle the old guy with halitosis on the treadmill next to you with his sweatband, and some more mellow stuff for when you want to slip into a trance after your latest blissful chance on with my mom’s egg nog pie.  Seriously, it’s the best thing ever… the pie, not the album. The album is good, but the pie… ohhhhhh, man.

Tomorrow – our best movies. But don't just sit there – list your favourite albums below. If you want. It's not like we're here.