Apology - HecklerSpray

Mark Wahlberg Could’ve Stopped 9/11 From Happening Like Some Stupid Looking Superman

January 19th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Thanks to half of America turning its internet black yesterday, it was an excellent time to bury bad news. Likewise, it was an awful time because celebrities were saying stupid things and we missed them. Such as? How about Mark Wahlberg saying that he could’ve single-handedly stopped 9/11 from happening?

Today, Marky Mark has apologised about saying something stupid about America’s sacred cow, which they intend to guilt-trip everyone about until they finally blow the Earth to pieces.

So what did he say?

Steven Tyler And Johnny Depp Make Terrible Music Together

May 3rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Aerosmith are an astonishing tale. They really are. Through drugs, women and one of the most average back catalogues in rock history, they’ve managed to become superstars simply by surviving.

And up-top, there’s wobbling sofa-bed lipped Steven Tyler, poncing around like royalty, determined to be louder than his bandmates who have had to put up with him since some time in the ’70s.

However, Aerosmith hate each other’s guts at the moment so Steven is making music with someone else. Another deity from rock’s pantheon? No. Johnny ‘the actor’ Depp. That’s right kids! Tyler and Depp are making awful music together and Tyler likes mentioning it, just on the off-chance it grinds the gears of Joe Perry & Co. Which it will. Because they’re all wrinkly children with failing livers.

American Idol Say Sorry For Steven Tyler, But Sadly, Not For Years Of Dismal Aerosmith Music

February 3rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Aerosmith – America’s answer to Status Quo – have plodded around like a sick bull for the best part of 320 years on the rock ‘n’ roll circuit. With a mixture of stadium sized choruses, a front man who looks like a melted waxwork of a combination of WWE wrestlers and the regular soap opera of their substance abuses, they’ve somehow managed to not go away and die under a hedge.

Steven Tyler has managed to keep his toe in the celebrity pondscum by, lately, having a very open and ugly feud with his band mates, declaring himself to be “the whole rainbow”, whatever the shit that means.

And, now, he’s still hanging around like a rubber gargoyle filled with sleeping tablets and meths, sat behind a desk as one of American Idol’s judges. It’s the latter which he’d like to apologise for.

Michael Jackson: A Hecklerspray Apology

March 25th, 2010 By Steve Charnock

In light of public opinion, some of the comments and feedback we've received on the subject and a recent conversion to the peaceful teachings of Buddhism, Hecklerspray has had a change of heart about Michael Jackson. All those silly things we said about the King of Pop? We didn't really mean them. We've thought long and hard, meditated and pontificated on the subject and we had an epiphany; all those sly little digs, veiled insults and jokes we made about him were wrong. We see that now. You can take this as a solemn pledge to you, dear reader, that we will never speak ill of the great man again. No teasing, no mockery, nothing. We’re sorry.

And we mean that.

With that heartfelt oath out of the way, here?s news that Wesley Snipes had to hold perfectly normal and in no way weird or creepy Michael Jackson?s hand during filming of the ?Bad? video in 1987. The late singer, who was definitely only sexually interested in adult women, was reportedly so scared on-set in the tough Harlem neighbourhood where filming took place, that his co-star had to take his hand as they walked down the street.

Megan Fox in Rose-Refusal Mania! (With Apology)

June 23rd, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

Shocking news shockingly emerged to shock the world when it was revealed Megan Fox brutally snubbed a fan offering her a rose the other day.

While most of the shock was reserved for the fan himself, who looked like the 80s had truly never ended, some people reserved their shockedness for the one in the tight jeans from Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

For you see, it is expected of movie stars to brave the crowds, to listen to their fans and to not (shockingly) ignore the offer of a yellow rose from someone who probably masturbates over pictures of you.

Shocker.

Alec Baldwin Apologises To All Mail-Order Brides

May 21st, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

When hecklerspray’s eyes first met those of our sweet wife, it was as if she wasn’t in a crate at all. As the UPS truck pulled away it seemed to pull our deepest worries with it. After all – it was love we were feeling.

After we crow-barred out over 100 nails we realized Melva hadn’t really been gazing at us lovingly. She was actually in a medically induced coma for shipping purposes, and her eyes had just happened to roll back in the direction of her air holes.

Imagine our dismay. Also, imagine Alec Baldwin‘s dismay in a separate mail-order-bride incident.