Dark Knight Rises or Batman 3. What are you calling it? Well, judging by the newly released trailer, you could justifiably call it Occupy Gotham. It is fair to say that Bruce Wayne is part of the 1%.

Wisely, Christopher Nolan & Co have decided to tap into the most polite civil unrest yet and, mercifully, thrown some supervillains at it because we demand explosions and people getting punched in the throat.

And, regrettably for us snarks, the film looks like it might be really great. There’s a chance we’ll still give it a bad review though, just to be contrarians.

As you know, joining the action this time round is Anne Hathaway as the becatsuited Selina Kyle (or Catwoman if you can’t work out an insultingly obvious clue). She purrs into Batman’s ear:

“You think this is going to last. There’s a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits, you’re all going to wonder how you ever thought how you could live so large and leave so little for the rest of us.”

If only the 99% were more prone to being leggy and attractive in skin-tight outfits. Practical, no… glamorous, yes.

Of course, Heath Ledger’s Joker will take some beating, so Thomas Hardy will be gruffing it up as Bane. And as big gestures go, Bane’s looks-awfully-like-a-terrorist-attack during a football game should sicken a few American stomachs. Oh, and you’ll be supporting the Gotham Rogues, just in case you didn’t know.

For hipsters, the trailer also show a little Joseph Gordon-Levitt, which is nice.

And so, we’ve all got to wait ’til July to see if it’s going to be any good. Until then, we’ll speculate how Bale’s Batman is written out of this particular franchise and foist stupid Who Can Replace Christian Bale As Batman? lists upon you ’til we find something worthy to write.

Here’s the trailer, poo-breath.

The hype surrounding the new Batman film (Batman 3 or The Dark Knight Rises… it’s up to you what you call it) is getting bigger and bigger, with the entire world stalking its every movement.

Seriously. No other film has been as spied on during the shoot like this one has.

And there’s more of it. And it’s great. How about a giant fight scene, a video of Batman and Bane going at it and a sneak peak of Catwoman on a motorbike? If you’re crying ‘YES PLEASE!’, then get yourself over the jump.

This new footage, spotted all over YouTube, was shot at Wall Street in New York City.

In one video, you can see Batman (Christian Bale) and Bane (Tom Hardy) having a punch-up in the middle of a giganto riot. That’s exciting enough in itself.

In another vid, you can see the sheer size of the production with a huge scrap.

Then, lastly, there’s a video of Anne Hathaway as Catwoman on some monstrous bike, bombing down the road.

It’s all very exciting. Here’s the videos for you to look at. Batman 3 is going to be AMAZING.

Hopefully.

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Batman: The Dark Knight Rises, is probably the most highly anticipated film release floating around the ether at the moment. The superhero genre has been revitalised by the brooding adventures of Bruce Wayne and everyone is intrigued as to how the whole thing will wrap up.

As such, each little morsel and near-set fanvid has been met with many a watering mouth.

And here’s the news: it’s pretty much a certainty that Christopher Nolan’s revamp will be getting shown in six-minute prologues in various cinemas at Christmas time. BUT WHERE? Well…

The Dark Knight Rises is going to play before IMAX showings of Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol (which is going to be a steaming pile of dreck, no doubt), which is a similar move to when the Joker was revealed to cinema audiences before IMAX screenings of I Am Legend in 2008.

AMC released a statement on their blog (which they’ve since taken down) that read:

“The six-minute Dark Knight Rises prologue footage will only be shown on the higher resolution 70mm IMAX screens. Not the digital IMAX screens. Locations haven’t been confirmed yet, so stay tuned for an update on AMC Theatre locations that will be showing the prologue Dark Knight Rises footage at a 70mm IMAX screen nearest you.”

Of course, this hi-res business means that the clip will show in far fewer cinemas, but it’ll invariably end up online, so you won’t miss out AND you won’t have to watch Mission: Impossible.

Either way, everyone is getting excited about it. And so are we. And we’re cynical about ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

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Catwoman, oh Catwoman. Good looking, sexy and kinky in the ’60s and regrettably less-so from the ’90s onward, you are going to return to our pathetic lives in your figure-hugging suit with your wily charms and depraved purring.

But we’re slightly worried. Anne Hathaway is the new Catwoman and we’re not sure we’ve ever seen her in a role that convinces us that she’ll be able to vamp it up enough for Batman 3, or The Dark Knight Rises to give it the proper title.

Does she look the part? Well, there’s some pictures of her on-set with Christian Bale and Gary Oldman. Make your own ‘purr’ jokes like ‘purrfect’, ‘purrlease!’ and such.

Hathaway has bemoaned that her Catwoman jumpsuit is ‘unforgiving’, and in the leaked snaps, it seems she’s been working out incredibly hard to stay in it.

Of course, Anne will be donning the suit next to Christian Bale who once again plays the Bruce Wayne and still completely fails to buy any Lockets for his ravaged voice. Also still bumbling along is Gary Oldman who will once more be playing police chief James Gordon.

Mercifully, Hathaway won’t be trying to do a Yorkshire accent in Dark Knight Rises, which of course, saw the actress roundly hooted at in the film version of One Day.

Anyway, you don’t care about all that just yet because you’re far more interested in seeing a tall, slender woman wearing an impossible outfit so you can either have lusty thoughts or, worse still, judge yourself against it despite the fact it isn’t real life.

Well done you. Here’s the photographs of Anne Hathaway in a Catwoman outfit from Dark Knight Rises.

Images via JustJared, obviously

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Oooh, Batman! You think you’re sooooo cool don’t you? With your Kryptonite and truth lasso. You ain’t all that. You’re just some rich kid with a load of gadgets. You may as well be one of the girls from Something For The Weekend.

If you should end up on SFTW, do us a favour and give Tim Lovejoy a pasting wouldya?

Speaking of gadgets though, last week, we showed you a sneaky peaky of the Batwing that will star in Batman 3/Dark Knight Rises. You couldn’t see much of it and it was a little disappointing. However, for you Batfans, there’s another video which has surfaced which is much more revealing.

One of our readers – they’re called ‘fuel’ – sent us a video of the new Batwing and this time, you can get a really good look at it.

Like all the vehicles from the Batman films (well, from the ’90s onward at least), it’s another hulking great beetle of a thing, all black and looking like a detail from Massive Attack’s ‘Mezzanine’ album.

We still prefer Batman’s car from the ’60s really. It looked like something you’d see in a drag race!

Anyway, there’s still things to be edited out in post-production, there’s no question of that… but if you can use your imagination, here’s a video of the newest Batwing.

Batfans, start masturbating whenever you see fit.

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Emo wet-dream, Batman is coming back to the cinema screens all growly and grunty, in The Dark Knight Rises, complete with hipster approved cast members, Gary Oldman, Joseph Gordon Levitt and Tom Hardy.

It’s just short of having a chest-tattoo, loafers with no socks on and a one-speed racer.

Speaking of vehicles, Batman 3 with feature the Batwing and, over the jump, we’ve got a video of it which should either disappoint you enormously or, indeed, make you soil yourself with a massive nerdgasm.

Naturally, being stubborn simpletons, we preferred Batman when he was wooden, camp and armed with a utility belt which held the most preposterous items like ‘Shark Repellent Spray’ and such.

However, this massively successful Christopher Nolan remix has proved our opinions to be massively unpopular.

Anyway, some div with a camera was perving around 6th Street Bridge in downtown Los Angeles and spotted the shoot of the new film, with the Batwing bombing around beneath it.

It appears that the vehicle is like a Harrier Jump Jet, able to use boosters to fling itself into the air like some horrible farting robot.

You don’t care about that though. You want a sneaky-peak at anything you can concerning this wretched film… so have it.

Watch your stupid video. See if we care.

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Catwoman has always been the sexiest of all the superhero/supervillain clan. We say that because all the women who played her in the ’60s were really hot. Not so much Michelle Pfeiffer and Halle Berry. They were snooze-buttons in comparison.

Of course, Catwoman oozed such sex appeal that even Batman fancied her, despite the fact she kept him busy by being a nasty git.

And so, when it was announced that Anne Hathaway was chosen to play her in the forthcoming The Dark Knight Rises, everyone kinda shrugged because she seems too wholesome. Can she pull off that whole S&M thing that Catwoman has? According to the leaked picture of her in her villainous guise (below), it seems not.

The photo shows Hathaway in costume, seemingly razzing around on Batman’s motorbike (which is nice).

Sadly, judging from one measly picture, granted, this particular Catwoman just looks like Hathaway in a jumpsuit with some skiing goggles on.

And that’s it. At least Pfeiffer’s suit had a load of weird stitching on it to make her look a bit more depraved.

Speaking to MTV, Hathaway says:

“I was not going to admit it: I asked someone to send me a few reactions [to the photo]… [the general response] was ‘meh.’ “

She continued:

“What I am happy to say is, if you didn’t like the photo, you only see about a 10th of what that suit can do. And if you did like the photo, you have excellent taste.”

The suit has more to give? Will it transform Hathaway into a sweet looking girl into a vampish sexpot? Or does it have a seat that fires missiles out of it?

Please be the latter.

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Tom Hardy, who stars as baddie Bane in the new Batman flick, has been a little cool on the whole project talking about its likeness to Starbucks and bleating something about ’boutiques’.  However, he seems to be relenting a bit after making an admission about his character.

He recently admitted that he thought his character in The Dark Knight Rises was ‘f*cking cool’.

Hardy also added, with no specific, pin-pointable accent, that Batfans would not be disappointed by the third and final installment of this particular wing of the franchise. And to get you a little more exited, there’s a couple of videos where you can see them in action having a big punch up.

Hardy says:

“All I can say is that Chris (Nolan) has a plan up his sleeve that’s not at all disappointing. And that is a definite choice that’s watertight in every respect”

“I think Bane’s f*cking cool so I’m really excited to play him. It’s not the guy in Joel Schumacher’s film, but it shouldn’t disappoint fanboys.”

We’re sure that Batfans will find something to be disappointed with, whereas us popcorn munchers can thrill at this new breed of socially acceptable action films that have just enough edge to be cool enough to like.

Of course, The Dark Knight Rises will be released July 20, 2012… and here are those videos we promised. There’s shot of Batman on set as well as a gigantic punch-up… we can only imagine what is going on.

There’s not a KAPOW! in sight, sadly.

BATMAN ON SET

BIG FIGHT

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Tom Hardy, a man of no fixed accent, is of course playing a nasty villain called Bane in Christopher Nolan’s upcoming Batman circle jerk, The Dark Knight Rises. You’d think he was pretty pleased at this well paying gig, right?

Well, not wholly. See, it seems that Hardy is looking lovingly at some indie roles because working on Batman is like working in a Starbucks.

Is that because of… er… the amount of Americanos working on the film? Is it because the Dark Knight set is… er… well venti-lated. It’s hard making jokes about Starbucks because it’s so cripplingly dull. Anyway, what does Hardy mean?

He says, sounding like every human on Earth simultaneously:

‘These movies are huge vehicles to make a lot of money… and make a large audience happy. So now you’re at the very top level of trying to bring character work in a boutique way to something that is, you know, Starbucks”

Character work in a boutique way? Anyone? Is he talking about the Mad Max film he’s in? Or that Bronson one? We’re completely confused. Confused and tired.

“You deal with something like Dark Knight – or ‘Mad Max,’ or ‘Superman’ or ‘Spider-man,’ whatever – it’s like going to work in an airport and going, ‘Hi I’m over here!’ and then everybody goes ‘Oh here’s that, that’s the villain of the piece.’ Then it’s a thousand people going to Duty-Free. Like, [shouting] ‘I AM THE VILLAIN!’ and make a lot of noise.

“There’s a formula here, you can’t muck around with it. There’s a lot of rules, you’re restrained in many ways as an artist. But then you’re also grateful because of the huge exposure and the paycheck.”

At least he’s being honest about the glee of accepting large amounts of money.

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Following on from the cultural apocalypse of The Manchester International Festival comes Batman Live; another intellectual tour-de-force which sees everyone’s favourite schizophrenic do battle with a bunch of villains for two-and-a-bit hours at the glamorously named Manchester Evening News Arena.

It’s worth noting, straight-out-the-gate, that this isn’t really a story about The Dark Knight (old Bruce gets all of three words in during the first half) and, if we were being pedantic, Batman Live really should be called Robin & A Bit Of Batman Thrown In To Sell Some T-Shirts.

Really, Batman Live is a story about Robin (arguably the most soporific character since Dr. Snoozy Time – a fictional character created for the sake of this article) and for the majority of the show, we’re treated to the world according to the Boy Wonder; his likes, dislikes, favourite colour and preferential pizza topping. Straight away, It’s frustrating to watch as, mainly, we just want to hang out with Batman, watch him punch people in the jaw and then drive off in the Batmobile to pick up women. Instead, we get Dick Grayson rolling about the stage making enthusiastic ‘gee-whizz’ noises.

Even then, what we do see of The Dark Knight is rather tame. This isn’t the snarling creation of Christoper Nolan and no-one in Batman Live gets dropped from a tall building or bashed in the skull with a Bat Bat. In Batman Live, Bruce Wayne is a bit of a wet fish.

Imagine Michael Keaton as the warm-up act to a promenade Punch and Judy show and you’re halfway there; the first proper fight scene, reminiscent of the scraps in Team America, sees the caped crusader and Catwoman swing around in the air stroking each other’s faces.

It’s frustrating because Batman is such an interesting character and it seems a waste to limit the stage-time of one of the most iconic superheroes in favour of the irritating sidekick.

Despite the most devious roster of antagonists since a Commons Select Committee hearing, our time with The Riddler, Penguin, Two-Face, Poison Ivy and The Scarecrow is limited to three minutes a pop. And it’s a shame, because what we do get is quality meat. There’s a great scene in Arkharm Asylum which sees a 12-foot Scarecrow freak the crap out of Batman, while the chap who plays Penguin has sinister dripping from his oily pores. This isn’t to say that the show’s primary villain, The Joker, isn’t good (in fact, he’s rather decent), but it rather seems a waste to shoehorn these iconic villains into the show for a mere two-minute cameo.

But Batman Live does have its moments. Spectacular moments. Scene changes take place via a comic-book animation on the giant screen behind the stage (basically, it’s geek catnip to those who religiously follow the series) and there are some very nifty special effects; a bazooka blows a hole into a giant balloon shaped like The Joker, while the demise of The Graysons (and their acrobatic antics beforehand) is heart-in-mouth stuff. The appearance of the Batmobile is also a nice moment and watching it drive around stage is always going to be special stuff.

Batman Live is an excellent show, it really is. The stages are great, the fight scenes are choreographed to the second and you can tell a lot of money has been thrown behind the whole thing (it’s touring across the globe over the next five years). It is a solid two-and-a-half hours of silly entertainment and you should all go.

But, it’s not really Batman. Not our Batman, anyway.

As an audience, we’ve grown familiar with tortured, sucks-to-be-me Batman. We expect him to growl, swear and kick people in the face; the re-boot of the film franchise has convinced us that this type of behaviour is how Batman acts. Batman Live has having none of that – it’s an homage to the days of Adam West and George Clooney; where the joker bursts out of a jack-in-the-box and Catwoman uses purring as a type of foreplay. Kerpow! and all that jazz.

And there’s nothing particularly wrong with this sort of Batman (and for a kid’s show it probably couldn’t work any other way). Although, if you’re looking for a good time down the gritty streets of Gotham, you’re likely to be disappointed.

This was a guest review from the formidable Tom Mason who has calves to die for and a face that could arouse Chief Commissioner Gordon.

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In about a year’s time, there’ll be a new Batman film for us all to get thoroughly excited about. Of course, it’ll largely be the same as the previous two Christopher Nolan directed films, with Batman needing a lozenge and Gotham City indulging in a constant, half-lit gloom.

BUT IT WILL BE BRILLIANT YEAH BECAUSE BATMAN IS WELL MOODY INNIT AND BETTER THAN ALL THAT HARRY POTTER RUBBISH, YEAH?

And now, we’ve got the first teaser of The Dark Knight Rises, which will be the final instalment of Nolan’s hoarse trilogy. There’s going to be a lot of explosions and people cooing about how good it would have been if Heath Ledger had lived. Which he didn’t. Because he’s dead like a sucker.

The reel teases you scumbags with the two elements of The Dark Knight Rises.

It kicks off with a voiceover from by Liam ‘Qui Gon Jinn’ Neeson…

“If you make yourself more than just a man, if you devote yourself to an ideal, then you become something else entirely. A legend, Mr. Wayne, a legend.”

Then he says ‘Beam me up Scotty’ or something.

Then, Batman’s ol’ buddy ol’ pal, Commissioner Gordon, gets in on the action…

“We were in this together, and then you were gone. And now this evil rises. The Batman has to come back.”

Of course, Tom Hardy is in there with Christian Bale and it is all terrifically dramatic and all that gunk. Looks like Gotham City is going to crumble in some ultradoom apocalyptic thingummy, all backed by the Bat Symbol.

No sign of Anne Hathaway as Catwoman and Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Marion Cotillard as yet, but there’ll be more teasers released in good time for you saps to jerk one off over.

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Now that everyone likes Batman again, after years of thinking he was pretty lame, we as writers must cover every tawdry titbit concerning the imminent film, The Dark Knight Rises. If its anything like the last two, it’ll probably be good, which is irritating for people like us who want to slate stuff.

It’s not all fun on the shoot though, as Anne Hathaway is finding out. Mere days after nearly sparking a stuntman out with butt of a gun, she’s had a different kind of butt-based incident.

Basically, the poor lass showed a little more of her nether regions to the crew as she split open her figure hugging Catwoman suit.

That’s right pervs – Hathaway flashed her undercarriage while going nutso during a take, which is a stirring image.

Of course, Anne takes on the role previously owned by Julie Newmar and sullied by Michelle Pfeiffer, leaving her in a situation where she almost certainly won’t be the worst Catwoman to grace a screen. Halle Berry takes that dubious plaudit.

However, you want to know about arse.

A source says:

“Anne was filming a very similar fight scene when her costume split right open right on her bottom.

“She’s putting everything into this role both physically and emotionally and the wardrobe department is paying the price. She must have gone through a dozen costume changes due to Anne throwing herself around.”

You’ll have to wait ’til The Dark Knight Rises is released on July 20, 2012, to see if her posterior makes the cut.

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People have been arguing about who was the best Catwoman. Most of them have been wildly wrong. See, Batman’s love interest cum nemesis is supposed to ooze sex. Catwoman isn’t just a pretty face – she’s a huge prick tease as well.

Looking at those who have played the famous feline villain, it is a surprisingly sexless bunch.

And Anne Hathaway, who will play Selina Kyle in Christopher Nolan’s third Batman film, is the latest to completely lack in sophisticated skankery.

Think about it. Catwoman is pure sex. She’s a whip-cracking, S&M suited siren, ready to give you a raging hard-on before disappearing into the night to act out some dastardly deed while you’re still wobbling around trying to hide your erection with a Bat-Cushion.

Yet, for some time now, no-one has successfully cast a Catwoman who has the innate primal sexiness that the character requires.

Way back when, on the ’60s Batman TV show, the producers were bang on the money. Julie Newmar (the best Catwoman ever), Lee Meriwether and Eartha Kitt all looked like they were dirty and kinky. Perfect Catwoman material. You could totally buy into the notion that Batman wouldn’t be able to control himself around them.

Then, years later, we got a spate of women who were just… meh.

Michelle Pfeiffer brought her back in ’92, and like all modern Catwomen, was attractive enough but, really, not exactly oozing the filth that the original actors had. Pfeiffer is about as sexual magnetic as a shop window dummy. Then, we went even further away from primal urges with Halle Berry. Again, an attractive woman, but lacking in the trashy sleaze that Catwoman is supposed to have. In fact, Halle Berry looks like something of a goodie-two-shoes and therefore, wildly wrong for the role.

And now we get the similarly sexless Anne Hathaway to come and (probably fail) in the vamp stakes. There’s a whole host of actresses out there who have that classy-hussy thing going on and, alas, Anne Hathaway isn’t one of them.

Starring alongside her will be the impossibly boned Tom Hardy who will play Bane in The Dark Knight Rises and, of course, the gravel voiced Christian Bale returns as Bruce Wayne. We’ll get to see it all unfurl on 20th July 2012.

We can only hope to be proven wrong and Hathaway shows us a side to her character that we haven’t seen before. She should start by watching this clip…

…okay. That was purely for our benefit.

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This week in cool and crap.

Folded:

• Daniel Radcliffe seems right up for a laugh (good on him for not taking the shinola too seriously)
• Advent (providing you have this advent calendar it’s the most wonderful time of the year)
• Twenty minutes of soundtrack brilliance (buy the whole thing on 7th December. Money well spent, kids)
• Baggs ‘The Brand’ (gawd help us, he’s becoming likeable)
• Farmers (heroes at this time of year; blighters who pull out in front of you on tight country lanes any other)

Creased:

• Leslie Nielson RIP (we’ve done all the jokes, so find yourself a copy of The Naked Gun and watch him do them better)
• Christmas is just 22 days away (and you haven’t bought a thing, HAVE YOU?!)
• Snow in London (it’s the end of the world!!!!)
• Cheap mulled wine (listen, pubs and bars, it takes more than just heating a bottle of Lindeman’s over the stove and popping in an orange segment, ok?)
• Anne Hathaway and James Franco to host next year’s Academy Awards (if you don’t care about this story you’re a heartless fiend)

Ah! The Oscars! The awards ceremony that means absolutely piss-all to anyone apart from those who make posters for films and rental DVDs. Having ‘Oscar Winner’ on your blurb makes you look like you know what you’re doing, even if you won the award for providing the best prosthetic ears or something.

Anyway, Tinseltown is getting all excited in preparation for the event as are, presumably, the various cocaine dealers in the vicinity.

But who will present the awards? Well, you’ll be thrilled to learn that it is none-other than Anne Hathaway and James Franco! You know? Those two. They uh… umm… their names are familiar aren’t they? Are they in that vampire show? No?

Well, Hathaway and Franco will be the two actors (we know that much for certain – that they’re actors) who got the official co-hosting nod from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

However, it could be tricky as Hathaway may also be on the voting ballots for her role in Love and Other Drugs. Franco might be up for an award for his turn in 127 Hours.

Unless, of course, this is a clarion call to those in the industry – get the hosting gig and you’re definitely not winning shit. That said, loads of hosts may have won Oscars, even though they were presenting the show. We wouldn’t know and don’t really care.

We’re just relaying this information to you in the grasping hope that you might find it even remotely interesting. You don’t do you? Damn.

One thing is for certain – this pairing will be better than last years. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin were pretty rubbish when they hosted the event. At least Hathaway and Franco are really good looking, so if all else fails, they can simply stand there looking attractive.

The Oscars happens on February 27th, so expect loads of rubbish sites and magazines to fill your eyes of people in swanky dresses and gowns.

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