Derek Acorah, Colleen Rooney and Jennifer Ellison. What does these people all have in common? They’re all gigantic dicks. Dicks that are so bulbous that slightly less dense objects, like Abbey Clancy gravitate towards them and start to orbit them. Like the rest of the Sun and Pluto. (Did you know that the galaxy is secretly pleased that Pluto got downgraded from Planet status? The interstellar bitches).
Purely by coincidence, they all happen to hail from Liverpool! What’s more there are now a whole new batch of people hailing from the city that are equal, if not bigger dicks than all the “voices” in Derek Acorah’s head. You know, the ones that he pretends he hears for money.
Those people are being showcased as part of E4’s latest “scripted reality” show, Desperate Scousewives. Yes. It does sound like Desperate Housewives. Isn’t that funny and clever?
Now that it’s holiday season, all the famous stars are coming out with their taut, muscular bikini bodies. 
