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When you’re in trouble, don’t call Batman, call Billy Crystal. Especially if you’re in need of a host of the Oscars. In fact, specifically if you’re in need of a last minute host for any awards ceremony.
That’s because Billy Crystal is pretty much unable to do anything other than be a vaguely charming awards presenter these days.
So good thing Eddie Murphy quit the job after some gay slurs made everyone quit the gig, right?
Have you seen how outrageously great Eddie Murphy was back in his SNL days? Think about those fantastic films he made way back when! Beverley Hills Cop(s), Trading Places, Coming To America, 48hrs… not to mention stand-up films like Raw.
He was untouchable for a while. And then he went rubbish. Really, really dreadful.
In fact, it all started going wrong in the ’90s with dreck like The Nutty Professor, Shrek, Dr Dolittle and anything that enabled him to play all the characters at once. So what went wrong? It seems he stopped drinking, that’s what.
The Oscars are great aren’t they? Tara Reid likened them to spending a few weeks in the Big Brother house… it really doesn’t get any better than that does it? And now, Eddie Murphy appears to have signed up for the show.
Now, you may be thinking that Eddie’s not done much since (allegedly) groping a drag queen’s bulge and successfully having sex with Mel B with no condom on, but you’d be wrong.
See, as Mel B found out when she had group sex with Murphy (Eddie playing the other six participants, including the token amusing overweight elderly lady), the Beverley Hills Cop has a plan to host and win all the Oscars in 2012.
Eddie Murphy is a jealous, jealous man who doesn’t like to share screentime with anyone else. This is why he plays every single character in the films he makes. Of course, sets must be incredibly lonely for him.
Why else would he have willingly had sex with Mel B?
Anyway, Murphy is all set to be the voice of cartoon character Hong Kong Phooey in a new feature length caper. Don’t remember Hong Kong Phooey? Let us fill you in while being dismissive of stuff. Read More >>>
You soft shites all cried at Toy Story 3, so prepare to cry up all your misery in Toy Story 4 which is actually being made right now according to Tom Hanks. Of course, with such a long time passing between the second and third instalments, it appears that the producers aren’t messing around with number four.
This is hardly surprising given that Toy Story 3 was such a rampant success, becoming the first animated film to clear the $1bn. mark.
With the third film neatly rounding-off the franchise, it’ll be interesting to see what happens in the new one. We’re hoping for similarities to The Simpsons episode where Burns has lost Bobo. Or something. We haven’t actually seen the first three, so what do we know? It’s better than making some lame joke implying it’ll be full of inappropriate sex scenes and gangsta rappers or something.
Feature length animations! HAR HAR! They’re funny aren’t they? You’re only ever 2 feet away from someone who is thinking “it’s good this film because it has some jokes for the adults in as well!” INNUENDO! HAR HAR!
Of course, these things are all exercises in cynicism, but y’know, all films are aren’t they? Why are we even whining about it? We’re jaded, that’s why. Please don’t copy our attitude and behaviour because it’ll only end up in a failed cry for help.
Anyway, (cue: Fanfare) From the studio that brought you ‘Shrek’, ‘Madagascar’ and ‘Kung Fu Panda’ comes a film about a diabolical super-villain called Megamind who has failed to conquer Earth for over 20 years. That’s because caped superhero Metro Man keeps getting in his way.
10 – Like animated things? Well, this blog is a shrine to cool shorts, gifs from feature length films and all that good stuff – FuckYeahAnimation
9 – Parrot does vaguely disappointing tricks to entertain crushingly lonely man – here
8 – Want nightmares after looking at dolls? Well, check out the Burt Reynolds Crab Thing and a swinging foetus doll – Buzzfeed
7 – People ride a gigantic skateboard… or is it tint people on a normal one? – here
6 – Watch super rare Rolling Stones documentary for free, legally and online – Electric Roulette
5 – Want to see Norman Wisdom in a psychedelic club in the ’60s? – What’s Good For The Goose
4 – Iggy and the Stooges have the most brilliant rider in rock ‘n’ roll – Lust For Laughs
3 – Business cards are not always insultingly dull – Hongkiat
2 – Ace ’60s bubblegum wrappers with some decidedly weird looking flavours. – Booberry Alarm Clock
1 – Digital drugs? That’s the kind of thing that Chris Morris would make up right? WRONG! Yep. Over the jump is a very real news report talking about people getting high, digitally.
When Shawn Lindseth isn’t guest editing hecklerspray he’s making sure orphans the world over have decent clothing and a roof over their heads. That’s just the kind of guy he is.
And when he’s not doing that he’s selling illegal animal pelts on the black market. Speaking of which – if you’re interested in a bathrobe made of zebra skin/skull combo, make yourself heard down in the comments section. As a possible sale point – the tongue helps dry your hair.
And when he’s not doing any of that – he fancies himself a cartoonist. On the next page you’ll see just why.
