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Angelina Jolie

Oscars Really Wanted That Jennifer Aniston/ Angelina Jolie Fight

The Oscars, while ostensibly about giving little statues to humourless men, were only really about one thing.

Jennifer Aniston & Angelina Jolie: The Oscars Punch-Up, Sunday

It took a while, but we’ve finally found a reason to watch the Oscars – it involves Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie.

And sheer, unstoppable violence. After years of false starts and meticulously choreographed social planning, the Long-Awaited, Breathlessly-Anticipated And Borderline-Erotic Jennifer Aniston/ Angelina Jolie Catfight is due to take place at this Sunday’s Oscars.

What’ll happen when Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie finally meet? We’re guessing either a) a full-on, bloody-nosed, hair-pulling fistfight, b) some sort of awkwardly curt nodded acknowledgement of one another or c) lesbian kissing. We know we speak for all men when we say: Woohoo! Go b)!

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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

Duff beer for me, Duff beer for you. Folded: Douglas Ankrah (master mixer) Buying flowers on Valentine’s Day (some guys have gotten so crap that buying shoddy carnations is enough to put you in the good books for a month. Thank you all crap men) Angelina Jolie (yep, say what you like, she’s still got [...]

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Brad Pitt Goes To Las Vegas With Some Kids, No Hilarity Ensues

by Stuart Heritage

You know what’s crazy? When fathers take their sons to places and do things. Boy, that’s crazy. CRAZY.

So that makes Brad Pitt a lunatic. Reports are zinging around about Brad Pitt taking his adopted sons Maddox and Pax to Las Vegas to eat burgers and play Nintendo together. Without question, this is clearly the biggest news of the decade, if not history.

Let’s just be thankful that it was Brad Pitt who did this and not Angelina Jolie, because then Jennifer Aniston would feel obliged to counter it by suckling a wolverine or something, and we’re getting so tired.

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Look Out Myanmar, Angelina Jolie’s Coming For Your Kids

by Stuart Heritage

The good people of Myanmar have been through plenty of strife over recent years, but help is on the way.

How so? Humanitarian aid? International sanctions against its military junta? A UN investigation into alleged human rights violations? Oh, don’t be daft – we mean that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are probably going to adopt a baby from Myanmar instead.

And while that might seem a little halfhearted, it really isn’t – once Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have adopted their little Burmese baby, all of Myanmar will be united. Shared resentment of sanctimonious moviestars, that’s what really heals a country.

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Will Smith Really Is Awfully Bankable

by Stuart Heritage

Will Smith’s appeal is that he looks comfortable in everything – comedies like Hitch, actioners like Bad Boys.

Stinking bags of bumheap like Hancock. Anything. And because of this – plus the way that Will Smith will promote his films by going on every single TV show and laughing so loudly and over-sincerely that he seems like an escaped murderer – that Forbes has called Will Smith the world’s most bankable star.

So congratulations to Will Smith. And equal congratulations Tatyana Ali from Fresh Prince Of Bel Air, who has been name as the 1,268th most bankable star. Keep living the dream Tatyana!

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BAFTA 2009 Red Carpet: The ‘Hecklerspray Fails Miserably’ Video

by Stuart Heritage

As we may have mentioned already, last night hecklerspray got to report from the red carpet at the 2009 BAFTAs.

And, it’s fair to say, we were rubbish. We’ll have a full BAFTAs report coming up in a few hours – but in the meantime, do feel free to revel in this visual evidence of our thundering social ineptitude.

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Angelina Jolie Wears Dress Backwards – Scientists Plead for Calm

by hecklerspray staff

9/11. The assassination of JFK. These were defining moments when the world as we knew it changed forever. Well, it’s happened again, except this time it’s serious.

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Megan Fox To Become The New Clumsily-Accented Lara Croft?

by Stuart Heritage

If there was a list of Films That Nobody Remembers, there’s no way that Lara Croft: Tomb Raider would be on it.

And that’s because nobody would remember it enough to include it. But just because it’s primarily famous for being the only film in history that people actually forgot about while they were watching it, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider is getting a reboot.

The favourite to become the new Lara Croft is Megan Fox. Not because she looks like Angelina Jolie mind you, but because… oh, OK – it is because she looks like Angelina Jolie. Who are we kidding?

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