Articles tagged with: Angelina Jolie
Breastfeeding Gives Angelina Jolie The Hump
As a new mother, Angelina Jolie is being run ragged. Between hiring nannies and personal trainers and other staff to take care of everything, she must hardly get a moment to herself. And Angelina Jolie was a busy woman to begin with anyway - deliberately enraging Jennifer Aniston can be a full-time job, you know - so rather than keep juggling everything until she keeled over exhausted, Angelina Jolie has chosen to make a few sacrifices. In short, Angelina Jolie has decided to stop breastfeeding her two new twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline because giving milk to two babies at once is apparently incredibly hard. We should point out that Angelina Jolie isn't a bad mother for not breastfeeding her kids - in fact, we think they'll grow up just fine on their new diet of Mountain Dew and uncooked beef cartilage. It certainly never did us any harm.
As a new mother, Angelina Jolie is being run ragged. Between hiring nannies and personal trainers and other staff to take care of everything, she must hardly get a moment to herself. And Angelina Jolie was a busy woman to begin with anyway - deliberately enraging Jennifer Aniston can be a full-time job, you know - so rather than keep juggling everything until she keeled over exhausted, Angelina Jolie has chosen to make a few sacrifices. In short, Angelina Jolie has decided to stop breastfeeding her two new twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline because giving milk to two babies at once is apparently incredibly hard. We should point out that Angelina Jolie isn't a bad mother for not breastfeeding her kids - in fact, we think they'll grow up just fine on their new diet of Mountain Dew and uncooked beef cartilage. It certainly never did us any harm.
Angelina Jolie Quits Acting To Pursue Full-Time Sanctimony
Team Aniston, it's time to get the bunting out; your girl has won - Angelina Jolie has decided to retire from acting. True, Angelina Jolie may have only hinted at an eventual retirement some time in the future, and only because fame no longer provides the same spiritual nourishment as raising a family or being committed to charitable work. Nevertheless, the message is clear - Angelina Jolie is quitting acting because Jennifer Aniston called her uncool this week. Great, that's just what we need - a power-crazed Jennifer Aniston. Now that she knows what can happen when she deploys the word 'uncool', we doubt very much that she'll stop at Angelina Jolie. All we'll say is this - don't be surprised if Vince Vaughn suddenly decides to retire from acting as well or if, you know, Brad Pitt develops a horrible wasting disease on his penis. Or something.
Team Aniston, it's time to get the bunting out; your girl has won - Angelina Jolie has decided to retire from acting. True, Angelina Jolie may have only hinted at an eventual retirement some time in the future, and only because fame no longer provides the same spiritual nourishment as raising a family or being committed to charitable work. Nevertheless, the message is clear - Angelina Jolie is quitting acting because Jennifer Aniston called her uncool this week. Great, that's just what we need - a power-crazed Jennifer Aniston. Now that she knows what can happen when she deploys the word 'uncool', we doubt very much that she'll stop at Angelina Jolie. All we'll say is this - don't be surprised if Vince Vaughn suddenly decides to retire from acting as well or if, you know, Brad Pitt develops a horrible wasting disease on his penis. Or something.
Jennifer Aniston On Brad Pitt: Dear God, There’s More
Jennifer Aniston might have insulted Angelina Jolie in public this week, but that doesn't mean she's not a good person. Because she is. Jennifer Aniston's 'uncool' comment about Angelina Jolie just came from the anger of having her husband stolen away by another woman. And, despite that, Jennifer Aniston still has nothing but nice words to say about Brad Pitt. On Oprah. Just before a new film of hers opens. That woman's a saint. Jennifer Aniston told Oprah that she thinks Brad Pitt is 'great'. She harbours no bad feelings towards him, even though they both have movies coming out on the same day. And, in the spirit of good sportsmanship, Jennifer Aniston even refused to say whose film she thought was better - Brad Pitt's elegant adaptation of a classic F Scott Fitzgerald text, or her own movie about a naughty dog who eats a man's cake and is funny.
Jennifer Aniston might have insulted Angelina Jolie in public this week, but that doesn't mean she's not a good person. Because she is. Jennifer Aniston's 'uncool' comment about Angelina Jolie just came from the anger of having her husband stolen away by another woman. And, despite that, Jennifer Aniston still has nothing but nice words to say about Brad Pitt. On Oprah. Just before a new film of hers opens. That woman's a saint. Jennifer Aniston told Oprah that she thinks Brad Pitt is 'great'. She harbours no bad feelings towards him, even though they both have movies coming out on the same day. And, in the spirit of good sportsmanship, Jennifer Aniston even refused to say whose film she thought was better - Brad Pitt's elegant adaptation of a classic F Scott Fitzgerald text, or her own movie about a naughty dog who eats a man's cake and is funny.
Jennifer Aniston On Angelina Jolie: Essentially “WOOOARRRGH!”
Jennifer Aniston isn't someone you mess with, unless you enjoy four years of nothing followed by one sentence in a magazine. Just look at Angelina Jolie. She wronged Jennifer Aniston in the most hurtful way possible, by stealing Brad Pitt from her on the set of Mr & Mrs Smith, and now, several years later, Jennifer Aniston has decided that she's spoiling for a fight. In the new issue of Vogue, Aniston has described Angelina Jolie as "really uncool." These words are bound to upset Angelina Jolie, especially since Jennifer Aniston wasn't even talking about the Brad Pitt thing - instead she was describing Angelina's Dunlop trainers, 1980s adoption of the failed Betamax video system and her abiding love of the music of Jamiroquai. Lord knows how Angelina Jolie will react to this - chances are she's going to write the word 'SKANK' on Jennifer Aniston's geography coursebook or something.
Jennifer Aniston isn't someone you mess with, unless you enjoy four years of nothing followed by one sentence in a magazine. Just look at Angelina Jolie. She wronged Jennifer Aniston in the most hurtful way possible, by stealing Brad Pitt from her on the set of Mr & Mrs Smith, and now, several years later, Jennifer Aniston has decided that she's spoiling for a fight. In the new issue of Vogue, Aniston has described Angelina Jolie as "really uncool." These words are bound to upset Angelina Jolie, especially since Jennifer Aniston wasn't even talking about the Brad Pitt thing - instead she was describing Angelina's Dunlop trainers, 1980s adoption of the failed Betamax video system and her abiding love of the music of Jamiroquai. Lord knows how Angelina Jolie will react to this - chances are she's going to write the word 'SKANK' on Jennifer Aniston's geography coursebook or something.
Has Angelina Jolie Ever Told You That Her Kids Love Kung Fu Panda?
As a mother, Angelina Jolie knows what's important for a child - a gormless name and a forced appreciation of her films, mainly. Well, OK, not all of her films. Not yet, anyway - although we do hear that Angelina Jolie plans to use her love scene with Antonio Banderas from Original Sin as a sexually-confusing substitute for her childrens' birds and bees talk - just Kung Fu Panda. To promote the DVD release of Kung Fu Panda, Angelina Jolie has once again decided to mine the limitless marketing resource that is her children, telling anyone who'll listen that they just love the movie. Luckily for Angelina Jolie, she didn't try this trick with A Mighty Heart - apparently Pax Thien found it 'ponderous', with Shiloh Nouvel dubbing it 'transparent award-bait at best'.
As a mother, Angelina Jolie knows what's important for a child - a gormless name and a forced appreciation of her films, mainly. Well, OK, not all of her films. Not yet, anyway - although we do hear that Angelina Jolie plans to use her love scene with Antonio Banderas from Original Sin as a sexually-confusing substitute for her childrens' birds and bees talk - just Kung Fu Panda. To promote the DVD release of Kung Fu Panda, Angelina Jolie has once again decided to mine the limitless marketing resource that is her children, telling anyone who'll listen that they just love the movie. Luckily for Angelina Jolie, she didn't try this trick with A Mighty Heart - apparently Pax Thien found it 'ponderous', with Shiloh Nouvel dubbing it 'transparent award-bait at best'.
Breaking: Angelina Jolie Talks About Someone Else For A Change
We don't know if we've mentioned it, but Angelina Jolie has a movie out - it doesn't look very good, but keep that to yourself. But, despite what you might think by the amount of time that she's spent promoting the movie by hanging babies from her boobs on the cover of magazines, Angelina Jolie isn't the only person involved in the making of that movie. It also happened to be directed by Clint Eastwood, whoever he is. And in a shocking break, Angelina Jolie last night decided to do a little more promotion by paying tribute to Clint Eastwood at a Hollywood awards gala. In fact - and we're not making this up - people were so shocked to see Angelina Jolie talking about someone that wasn't her that there were audible gasps in the crowd. And some people fell over and vomited like in the opening titles to Quincy. Alright, we made that bit up.
We don't know if we've mentioned it, but Angelina Jolie has a movie out - it doesn't look very good, but keep that to yourself. But, despite what you might think by the amount of time that she's spent promoting the movie by hanging babies from her boobs on the cover of magazines, Angelina Jolie isn't the only person involved in the making of that movie. It also happened to be directed by Clint Eastwood, whoever he is. And in a shocking break, Angelina Jolie last night decided to do a little more promotion by paying tribute to Clint Eastwood at a Hollywood awards gala. In fact - and we're not making this up - people were so shocked to see Angelina Jolie talking about someone that wasn't her that there were audible gasps in the crowd. And some people fell over and vomited like in the opening titles to Quincy. Alright, we made that bit up.
Angelina Jolie Will Marry Brad Pitt Just To Shut The Kids Up
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's attitude to marriage is simple - only gay marriage or Jennifer Aniston being really narked off will allow it. Or at least that's what we thought. Now, as part of her confusing 'go against everything she's ever said, done or thought' promotion for The Changeling, Angelina Jolie has admitted that she will inevitably get married to Brad Pitt, but only to stop her children from pestering them for a wedding. It just goes to show how persuasive a small army of multinational children can be. If they can make Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie get married, just think what else the Jolie-Pitt kids could achieve if they harnessed their pester power properly. They could even aim for the impossible. You know what we mean - if they all work in unison, they could convince Angelina Jolie to make a film that doesn't stink like a corpseful of turds for once.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's attitude to marriage is simple - only gay marriage or Jennifer Aniston being really narked off will allow it. Or at least that's what we thought. Now, as part of her confusing 'go against everything she's ever said, done or thought' promotion for The Changeling, Angelina Jolie has admitted that she will inevitably get married to Brad Pitt, but only to stop her children from pestering them for a wedding. It just goes to show how persuasive a small army of multinational children can be. If they can make Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie get married, just think what else the Jolie-Pitt kids could achieve if they harnessed their pester power properly. They could even aim for the impossible. You know what we mean - if they all work in unison, they could convince Angelina Jolie to make a film that doesn't stink like a corpseful of turds for once.
Kerry Katona Slags Off Angelina Jolie, Renders Satire Obsolete
Kerry Katona's shambolic, slurring appearance on This Morning yesterday was car-crash TV at its finest - a moment we thought couldn't be topped. But there's a chance we were wrong. Because on the exact same day that World's Worst Mum 2007 Kerry Katona decided to go on a daytime TV show and babble a string of passive-aggressive drunk-seeming non-words at a startled fat lady and a pixie, a magazine published an interview where Kerry Katona criticises the parenting skills of Angelina Jolie. What made Kerry Katona angry was the fact that Angelina Jolie recently bought her six-year-old son a knife. Obviously that's something that Kerry Katona would never do. True, that's because Kerry Katona is so busy being followed around by MTV camera crews, looking hammered and wailing "AHWOZZZUNOLIDEEEH!" at nobody in particular that she probably doesn't know where her kids are, let alone a knife shop. But that counts.
Kerry Katona's shambolic, slurring appearance on This Morning yesterday was car-crash TV at its finest - a moment we thought couldn't be topped. But there's a chance we were wrong. Because on the exact same day that World's Worst Mum 2007 Kerry Katona decided to go on a daytime TV show and babble a string of passive-aggressive drunk-seeming non-words at a startled fat lady and a pixie, a magazine published an interview where Kerry Katona criticises the parenting skills of Angelina Jolie. What made Kerry Katona angry was the fact that Angelina Jolie recently bought her six-year-old son a knife. Obviously that's something that Kerry Katona would never do. True, that's because Kerry Katona is so busy being followed around by MTV camera crews, looking hammered and wailing "AHWOZZZUNOLIDEEEH!" at nobody in particular that she probably doesn't know where her kids are, let alone a knife shop. But that counts.
