When you think of the Wimbledon Tennis Championship what springs to your mind first? Disappointment? Andy Murray’s elastic nationality? Rain? Sloanes roaming around South West London quaffing champers and talking about their gap yahs with Amelia and Tarquin?

No, you idiot, you think of Strawberries and Cream. The archetypal tennis nibble. Surely nothing could be more British than that!?

Well… not according to Tesco.

That’s right, supermarket giant Tesco has taken it upon itself to improve the Wimbledon staple by slapping two slices of cheap bread around it and selling it as part of a meal deal with some crisps and a tiny bottle of fruit juice.

The Strawberries and Cream sarnie, for those working class Wimbledon fans, costs just £1 and doesn’t require such frivolities as a spoon or dignity.

Expect a lot of slack-chinless jaws and tutting to take place if you do find yourself wrapping your gums around one of these bad boys anywhere near the All England Club though. At nearly 450 calories and filled with Tesco Value jam, it’s not exactly haute couture, dahhhhling.

Believe it or not someone is actually paid to come up with nonsense like this, their official title is the Tesco Sandwich Developer, personally we prefer the term piss artist.

Here’s what they had to say:

Some people might think it very odd putting strawberries and clotted cream in a sandwich…

Which is an understatement… but we digress…

but the overall taste is not that dissimilar to a classic scone with strawberry jam and clotted cream.

We here at hecklerspray were willing to go along with this notion, until we looked up Tesco’s previous forays into the world of fusion sandwiches. In the last few years we’ve been treated to the lasagne sandwich (yes, lasagne sandwich) and the classic banana and chocolate sandwich.

No. We think we’ll just stick to our lighter choice Prawn Mayos like the fat media bastards we are thank you very much.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

Things we like and no like.

Folded:

• Public Enemies (it’s the real deal, if you can hack the grainy digi-video that is)
• First Class (always looks nice from the platform. Then again Lindsay Lohan looks nice from a distance too)
• Warrior’s Dance by The Prodigy (sounds like 808 State. Major compliment)
• Wimbledon roof (the BBC has dedicated 70% of their coverage to talking about it, so it’s nice that it works)
• Freeze Frame on DVD (a quite bizarre paranoid thriller from 2004, but Lee Evans is extraordinary in it)

Creased:

• Sex Panther (funny, but at £29.95 you may as well just buy a bottle of Brut and save yourself £29.90)
• Quiet coach (nothing quiet about six mobile phones going off at once)
• Happy Andy Murray (great tennis player, miserable as sin)
• Personal Affairs (usual unspeakable BBC Three rubbish. Probably been commissioned for a second series already)
• Lego Amy Winehouse (or a conehead, you decide)