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Andrew Lloyd Webber

Not content with ruining The Wizard of Oz, Oliver! and Joseph and His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat, it looks like Professional Scrotum Impersonator and Part Time Song Word Writerer, Andrew Lloyd Webber has declared his intentions on turning heresy into an all-singing, all dancing, some crying, and probably a few catty comments, contest.

Originally entitled ‘Superstar’, it is set to be played directly into our eyeballs in the Summer on ITV.

As we all know, but will recap for heathens not in the loop, Jesus Christ Superstar is about The Son Of Our Lord Amen, but through the eyes of Judas Iscariot during his ‘Maybe Paganism is the way to go’ phase. Iscariot becomes disenfranchised with Jesus’ teachings and other general prattlings (but not the magic. The magic is the bestest), believing that his claims are just that of a madman with a cult following. Much like One Direction, or Chris Brown, or Michael Jackson fans.* It’s basically the boring parts of Easter but with toe tappingly fantastic songs. But no eggs.

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The UK hasn’t exactly been leading the world when it comes to Eurovision lately, has it?

For a nation that spawned Simply Red and Wet Wet Wet, the UK should be bringing home the points instead of lagging at the bottom.

But why is this? Maybe it’s because we haven’t resorted to dancing on stage with camels in silly hats like some of our European neighbours. Nevertheless, Andrew Lloyd Webber has unveiled his six new potential Eurovision contestants. Probably best not to buy any bunting just yet.

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