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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Andrew Castle Totters Off

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Given that he danced like Frankenstein’s monster trampling bubblewrap, Andrew Castle was never going to get far on Strictly Come Dancing.

And yesterday he went. Despite an injury, Andrew Castle unsuccessfully decided to draw attention away from his dicky knee by waggling his shoulders around like an electrocution victim and sort of thrusting his arms about like he was trying to fight off an army of invisible rapists. Not even Andrew Castle’s dance partner rubbing her fanny up and down his bad knee could save him, and that’s really saying something.

So, with Andrew Castle gone, who’ll win Strictly Come Dancing? Here’s the first part of our Strictly Come Dancing recaps this week, for Austin Healey and Heather Small…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Mark Foster Clomps Out

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Let’s not pretend that this is anything other than completely inevitable – Mark Foster has been eliminated from Strictly Come Dancing.

Not for lack of trying – he even toned down his outfit to just a semi-transparent blouse that gave him a cleavage like an old prostitute down the bingo. Given Mark’s tendency to grimace and flail like a rapist at any opportunity, his Paso Doble to Since U Been Gone should have been amazing. But it wasn’t, and he pulled in his worst score of the entire series for it. And this is Mark Foster we’re taking about – we figured the only way he could actually get any worse was to fart in Tess Daly‘s mouth during a Coup de Pique.

But anyway, with Mark Foster out, who’ll win Strictly Come Dancing? Here’s the first part of our Strictly Come Dancing recap, for Lisa Snowdon and Andrew Castle…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Andrew Castle, Christine Bleakley, Jodie Kidd

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

How great it is that the male and female celebrities can now all dance during the same episode of Strictly Come Dancing.

It’s wonderful. Not only does it mean that we get to form a clear picture of what the all the dancers are like in comparison with one another, but it also means that we don’t have to put up with any more Strictly Come Dancing group dances. Because, honestly, we’ve seen more coordination in a washing machine full of hamsters.

Anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Andrew Castle, Christine Bleakley and Jodie Kidd…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: John Sergeant & Andrew Castle

October 6th, 2008 By Stuart Heritage

Time for part two of this week’s Strictly Come Dancing recap, and it’s a good one – it’s like a jumble sale of mid-life crises.

But before we get to that, we’d just like to point out Bruce Forsyth‘s new Strictly Come Dancing catchphrase of “I am not doddery, doddery I am not.” Yes, it’s very clever and all Bruce, but it’d probably have a little bit more weight behind it if you didn’t constantly stare out into the distance with the confused look of someone who’s just been pushed out of a helicopter into a forest. You know, we’re just saying.

But back to the Strictly Come Dancing recap. Here’s what we thought about John Sergeant and Andrew Castle…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Andrew Castle

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Just one day to go until the next episode of Strictly Come Dancing is broadcast! We’re excited – so excited we think we might poo.

Just think – all those pretty female celebrities, and all those normal-looking female celebrities who seem to think they’re prettier than they are just because they’re famous. Dancing! On TV! It’s going to be an especially exciting episode of Strictly Come Dancing because we hear that if Jodie Kidd hurts herself, Bruce Forsyth gets to cover her with a blanket and shoot her.

Anyway, here’s the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Andrew Castle…