No need to bother with giant news conglomerates reporting on AIDS-ravished nations, terrorism, genocide, and so forth. Obviously, we all agree that it’s more important to know about festering disease growing on the skin famous persons, like the cancerous patch of skin recently removed from the face of CNN’s Anderson Cooper.

We are happy to report that preliminary reports suggest both Cooper and cancer are doing fine and resting peacefully. We hear that Will Smith and his wife Jada have already been to visit the cancerous patch and say it looks just like its father.  

We typed in Anderson Cooper into the Google toolbar. The first suggestion that was automatically provided for us was ‘Anderson Cooper gay’. Anderson Cooper is gay, of course. He’s as gay as the day is long. Naturally, we mean gay in the 1950’s-ish happy/elated sense. What did you think we meant??  

Anyway, the host of CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360° is the biggest, gayest, most cheerful journalist there is at the moment because the cancerous patch of skin that no one knew was there has been successfully removed, and Anderson Cooper is back to work after a two day absence. He wasn’t even going to tell us about it, but he thankfully explained the whole situation Wednesday on the Anderson Cooper 360° blog: 

"I had minor surgery on Monday. A small spot of skin cancer was removed from under my left eye. I hadn't planned on mentioning this, but I still have stitches and you'll no doubt notice them tonight." 

In all seriousness, cancer sucks in any form, and it’s good that the cancer doesn’t seem to have spread. Something serious like that always takes a large portion of the fun out of mock-laden prose, but it’s great that Anderson Cooper will be alright.  

Hopefully, Brian Williams’ bunionectomy and Katie Couric’s abscess removal will go just as smoothly should they occur, and they will be just as gay as Anderson Cooper, if not gayer.   

Read more:

Anderson Cooper's Cancer Scare - E! Online