Articles tagged with: Amy Winehouse
Amy Winehouse Cheered Up By Release Of BLAAAAAYKE!
If you've been traumatised by all those photos of Amy Winehouse looking ill and close to death and alone recently, fear not. Because Amy Winehouse isn't going to be ill and close to death and alone any more - she's going to be ill and close to death with Blake Fielder-Civil, her hat-wearing berk of a husband who was released from jail yesterday, where he'd been since getting arrested for smashing a man's face in with his feet and then lying about it. But don't expect a happy reunion between Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil just yet - after leaving prison, Blake went directly to rehab alone, where he'll either be treated for substance abuse or violent shower-room bumming depending on how well his sentence went.
If you've been traumatised by all those photos of Amy Winehouse looking ill and close to death and alone recently, fear not. Because Amy Winehouse isn't going to be ill and close to death and alone any more - she's going to be ill and close to death with Blake Fielder-Civil, her hat-wearing berk of a husband who was released from jail yesterday, where he'd been since getting arrested for smashing a man's face in with his feet and then lying about it. But don't expect a happy reunion between Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil just yet - after leaving prison, Blake went directly to rehab alone, where he'll either be treated for substance abuse or violent shower-room bumming depending on how well his sentence went.
Amy Winehouse’s Brain All Effed Up On The Drugs: Claim
This is shocking news, so brace yourself - there's a chance that Amy Winehouse's dad hasn't been wildly sensational about his daughter's health for once. Remember in July, when Amy Winehouse was rushed to hospital, with Mitch Winehouse telling everyone that she'd just had a bad reaction to medicine? Apparently that's not the case at all. Apparently Amy Winehouse overdosed on drugs again, started convulsing and might have suffered permanent brain damage. Although the brain damage hasn't been fully diagnosed yet, there are a number of signs to look out for including a glazed expression, spontaneous muscle spasms, chronic slurring and bewildering hairstyle choices. Holy crap, do you know what this means? Bruce Forsyth has damaged his brain on drugs! He hasn't. He really hasn't. At all. Sorry.
This is shocking news, so brace yourself - there's a chance that Amy Winehouse's dad hasn't been wildly sensational about his daughter's health for once. Remember in July, when Amy Winehouse was rushed to hospital, with Mitch Winehouse telling everyone that she'd just had a bad reaction to medicine? Apparently that's not the case at all. Apparently Amy Winehouse overdosed on drugs again, started convulsing and might have suffered permanent brain damage. Although the brain damage hasn't been fully diagnosed yet, there are a number of signs to look out for including a glazed expression, spontaneous muscle spasms, chronic slurring and bewildering hairstyle choices. Holy crap, do you know what this means? Bruce Forsyth has damaged his brain on drugs! He hasn't. He really hasn't. At all. Sorry.
Katy Perry’s Parents Aren’t Impressed, and Homosexuals Hate Her Too
Katy Perry once kissed a girl and she liked it, if her personal reports are to be believed. Though when we have a confession to make we don't normally make a literal song and dance about it, we can accept that this is the modern age and those youngsters do things differently. But according to some sources, Katy Perry's parents don't see it that way, and have registered their disgust at their daughter's activities and apparent sexual escapades. Then we find out that Katy thinks her parents were misquoted, and that they are fully supportive of her career. But which is it, Katy - which is it?! Are you a libertine whose parents don't like you? Are you a mental and a Christian (peas in a pod) who likes the lesbians and has supportive parents? We need to know.
Katy Perry once kissed a girl and she liked it, if her personal reports are to be believed. Though when we have a confession to make we don't normally make a literal song and dance about it, we can accept that this is the modern age and those youngsters do things differently. But according to some sources, Katy Perry's parents don't see it that way, and have registered their disgust at their daughter's activities and apparent sexual escapades. Then we find out that Katy thinks her parents were misquoted, and that they are fully supportive of her career. But which is it, Katy - which is it?! Are you a libertine whose parents don't like you? Are you a mental and a Christian (peas in a pod) who likes the lesbians and has supportive parents? We need to know.
Amy Winehouse Wants to Solve Your Problems on the Radio
You read that right - Amy Winehouse wants to solve your problems on the radio. Even we don’t have to go in to much detail about the potential arse-up that this could bring to the innocent people of London. Granted, there are a few cockney people like the So Solid Crew and Danny Dyer who we'd like to exterminate but that’s another kettle of onions. We have our own plans for those individuals and don’t want Amy Winehouse to jump in and spoil our fun. Unless you only read The Financial Times and have only stumbled upon hecklerspray through mistyping something in to Google, you won’t know who Amy Winehouse is. In a nutshell, she’s a girl with tattoos who sings songs by other people, has her Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake locked up in prison and occasionally dabbles in drugs. Actually, the term “hunting down every dealer in London to eat up their stash of pills and powders quicker then a bear hunts down salmon†comes to mind. So how is she getting this potential gig? Let us explain.
You read that right - Amy Winehouse wants to solve your problems on the radio. Even we don’t have to go in to much detail about the potential arse-up that this could bring to the innocent people of London. Granted, there are a few cockney people like the So Solid Crew and Danny Dyer who we'd like to exterminate but that’s another kettle of onions. We have our own plans for those individuals and don’t want Amy Winehouse to jump in and spoil our fun. Unless you only read The Financial Times and have only stumbled upon hecklerspray through mistyping something in to Google, you won’t know who Amy Winehouse is. In a nutshell, she’s a girl with tattoos who sings songs by other people, has her Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake locked up in prison and occasionally dabbles in drugs. Actually, the term “hunting down every dealer in London to eat up their stash of pills and powders quicker then a bear hunts down salmon†comes to mind. So how is she getting this potential gig? Let us explain.
Amy Winehouse’s Mental Hospital Spaz Out Blamed On Ecstasy
Yesterday brought the news that Amy Winehouse had decided to take a stroll to the hospital. It wasn’t because she finally realised she was slowly destroying her insides, it was simply down to having a crazy reaction to the medication slowly digesting in her stomach. Many people have placed bets on her dying before the end of the year due to her body slowly fading away and her apparent ability to always be pictured with a ciggie and a can of Superbrew. Yesterday saw a couple of people prematurely attempting to cash in that betting slip, but they were wrong to do so - those good people at the NHS managed to fix her up with some sticky tape and drinks straws. It's now surfaced that she’s returned to hospital and her ever-suffering father Mitch has told us what caused her freakout. It was indeed an issue with drugs, but not the good kind. Oh no!
Yesterday brought the news that Amy Winehouse had decided to take a stroll to the hospital. It wasn’t because she finally realised she was slowly destroying her insides, it was simply down to having a crazy reaction to the medication slowly digesting in her stomach. Many people have placed bets on her dying before the end of the year due to her body slowly fading away and her apparent ability to always be pictured with a ciggie and a can of Superbrew. Yesterday saw a couple of people prematurely attempting to cash in that betting slip, but they were wrong to do so - those good people at the NHS managed to fix her up with some sticky tape and drinks straws. It's now surfaced that she’s returned to hospital and her ever-suffering father Mitch has told us what caused her freakout. It was indeed an issue with drugs, but not the good kind. Oh no!
Amy Winehouse in Hospital Due to Medication Flipping Out Inside Her Guts
Amy Winehouse was rushed to the hospital yesterday due to a reaction to some super ultra-mysterious medication, so don’t even try to guess what it is. But this is good news. No really, it is. This provides science with empirical evidence about the number of cigarettes and mini bottles of booze cardiac muscle can tolerate, plus Amy gets another punch on her hospital card. One more visit and she gets a free colonoscopy with the purchase of a stomach pumping.
Amy Winehouse was rushed to the hospital yesterday due to a reaction to some super ultra-mysterious medication, so don’t even try to guess what it is. But this is good news. No really, it is. This provides science with empirical evidence about the number of cigarettes and mini bottles of booze cardiac muscle can tolerate, plus Amy gets another punch on her hospital card. One more visit and she gets a free colonoscopy with the purchase of a stomach pumping.
Amy Winehouse Gets To Screech About Blake For 27 More Months
Would-be criminals can learn a lot from today's news that Blake Fielder-Civil has been sentenced to 27 months in jail. Firstly, Blake Fielder-Civil's sentence has shown that you can't go round violently attacking pub landlords in the face; and that if you do, you definitely can't try buying their silence with great big wads of your wife's cash. Most of all, though, Blake Fielder-Civil's 27-month jail sentence shows that you'll still get lumbered with a giant stretch in prison even if you get Amy Winehouse to bellow your name in public every six or seven seconds. Speaking of that, we've got another 27 months of that. Thanks, the British justice system. Thanks a lot.
Would-be criminals can learn a lot from today's news that Blake Fielder-Civil has been sentenced to 27 months in jail. Firstly, Blake Fielder-Civil's sentence has shown that you can't go round violently attacking pub landlords in the face; and that if you do, you definitely can't try buying their silence with great big wads of your wife's cash. Most of all, though, Blake Fielder-Civil's 27-month jail sentence shows that you'll still get lumbered with a giant stretch in prison even if you get Amy Winehouse to bellow your name in public every six or seven seconds. Speaking of that, we've got another 27 months of that. Thanks, the British justice system. Thanks a lot.
Amy Winehouse Might Die Of The Lurgy Or Something
Amy Winehouse used to be a healthy, fit women, whose only ghastly features were the tattoos that made her look like some sort of burly transvestite sailor. However, heavy drinking and smoking have alarmingly made her thinner, sicker and a bit more violent. Oh, and there’s the drugs. You can’t forget about the drugs. Anyway, all of this combined might be about to kill her, her Dad says. Who'd have guessed?
Amy Winehouse used to be a healthy, fit women, whose only ghastly features were the tattoos that made her look like some sort of burly transvestite sailor. However, heavy drinking and smoking have alarmingly made her thinner, sicker and a bit more violent. Oh, and there’s the drugs. You can’t forget about the drugs. Anyway, all of this combined might be about to kill her, her Dad says. Who'd have guessed?
