Articles tagged with: Amy Winehouse
Amy Winehouse’s Dad Wants To Give You Free Heroin
Hey kids, remember back in school when your teacher told you to study hard and reap the rewards? Well you can pretty much forget that now. Now that we think about it, you can pretty much knock over our desks, pull down our trousers and eat crisp sandwiches for eternity. You see, Amy Winehouse’s dad Mitch wants to dish out batches of mind-numbing heroin to us. Hooray.
Hey kids, remember back in school when your teacher told you to study hard and reap the rewards? Well you can pretty much forget that now. Now that we think about it, you can pretty much knock over our desks, pull down our trousers and eat crisp sandwiches for eternity. You see, Amy Winehouse’s dad Mitch wants to dish out batches of mind-numbing heroin to us. Hooray.
The Greatest Live Acts Of ALL TIME!
Some of you will have gone to V this year, or Reading. Or the Glastonbury one. A few of you might even have been to all of them. You probably had a great time. After all, what's not to love? You got those middle management guys staring into the middle distance nonchalantly twirling fire on a rope as if that suddenly makes them at one with the earth. You've got loud HR workers chewing their own mouths off in the dance tent. You might even have found yourself in the reggae area, desperately attempting to hold down a gush of puke having mixed a brewski with a marijuana joint. Festival season - it's just brilliant. But before you pull your dreads apart and return to civilisation with tales of how great Blur were, or how Dizzee Rascal is totally blowing your mind right now, take a deep breath and scroll through our top five list of the greatest live performers ever. Prepare to be amazed...
Some of you will have gone to V this year, or Reading. Or the Glastonbury one. A few of you might even have been to all of them. You probably had a great time. After all, what's not to love? You got those middle management guys staring into the middle distance nonchalantly twirling fire on a rope as if that suddenly makes them at one with the earth. You've got loud HR workers chewing their own mouths off in the dance tent. You might even have found yourself in the reggae area, desperately attempting to hold down a gush of puke having mixed a brewski with a marijuana joint. Festival season - it's just brilliant. But before you pull your dreads apart and return to civilisation with tales of how great Blur were, or how Dizzee Rascal is totally blowing your mind right now, take a deep breath and scroll through our top five list of the greatest live performers ever. Prepare to be amazed...
Michael Jackson’s Ghost Warned Amy Winehouse Off Drugs. Obviously.
The day the forces of the undead and the deaddead join together in an unholy union has arrived. Live in fear, peons. For you see, the recently (the other year) died-but-didn't Amy Winehouse has been haunted by the ghost of the recently (the other month) died-but-did Michael Jackson. But why did Jackson visit her, of all people? Why, to warn her of the dangers of drugs, obviously. It would seem his spirit learned faster than his body did.
The day the forces of the undead and the deaddead join together in an unholy union has arrived. Live in fear, peons. For you see, the recently (the other year) died-but-didn't Amy Winehouse has been haunted by the ghost of the recently (the other month) died-but-did Michael Jackson. But why did Jackson visit her, of all people? Why, to warn her of the dangers of drugs, obviously. It would seem his spirit learned faster than his body did.
Amy Winehouse Died In Blake Fielder-Civil’s Arms (There’s a “Nearly” Missing From That Statement)
In a bold move to try and make people remember who he is, Blake Fielder-Civil has claimed Amy Winehouse died in his arms. The problems here are twofold: one - it's only nearly died, thus removing most of the impact, and two - who the hell is Blake Fielder-Civil? Answers on a postcard please. Even faced with this wall of evidence pointing to the fact that no one cares or knows who this plum is, The Sun still went and chatted to Amy Winehouse's ex-husband where he revealed the astonishing facts of a regular junkie party for the former couple.
In a bold move to try and make people remember who he is, Blake Fielder-Civil has claimed Amy Winehouse died in his arms. The problems here are twofold: one - it's only nearly died, thus removing most of the impact, and two - who the hell is Blake Fielder-Civil? Answers on a postcard please. Even faced with this wall of evidence pointing to the fact that no one cares or knows who this plum is, The Sun still went and chatted to Amy Winehouse's ex-husband where he revealed the astonishing facts of a regular junkie party for the former couple.
Blake Fielder-Civil Wants Amy Winehouse’s Money For Being An Utter Git
So, it's over. Amy Winehouse and Blake Incarcerated Fielder-Civil have been granted a divorce, meaning, hopefully, Amy now has enough gruesome, emotionally tortured experiences to turn into material for a cracking new album. However, that naughty Blake Fielder-Civil is apparently claiming that since his utter swinefulness was what inspired Amy Winehouse's huge album Back To Black in the first place, he should be due a few pounds. Six million of them, if you believe "reports". You see, Back To Black was written and recorded after Amy and Blake's first split, which occured because Blake had cheated on Amy with his ex-girlfriend. So what Blake's saying, basically, is that the album wouldn't exist if it weren't for his decision to throw his cock up up another woman.
So, it's over. Amy Winehouse and Blake Incarcerated Fielder-Civil have been granted a divorce, meaning, hopefully, Amy now has enough gruesome, emotionally tortured experiences to turn into material for a cracking new album. However, that naughty Blake Fielder-Civil is apparently claiming that since his utter swinefulness was what inspired Amy Winehouse's huge album Back To Black in the first place, he should be due a few pounds. Six million of them, if you believe "reports". You see, Back To Black was written and recorded after Amy and Blake's first split, which occured because Blake had cheated on Amy with his ex-girlfriend. So what Blake's saying, basically, is that the album wouldn't exist if it weren't for his decision to throw his cock up up another woman.
Amy Winehouse Makes A Tit Of Herself At St Lucia Gig
Are we really that surprised? Amy Winehouse's big comeback performance is like a car crash, really. You don't want to watch, but something makes you curious enough to keep watching. Video after the jump.
Are we really that surprised? Amy Winehouse's big comeback performance is like a car crash, really. You don't want to watch, but something makes you curious enough to keep watching. Video after the jump.
The Most Magnificent Celebrity Makeovers
Ever since Plain Jane the Superbrain took off her glasses, smeared some slutty red lipstick around her mouth, and rubbed ice cubes on her stupid nipples, the celebrity makeover has been a must for anyone hoping to increase their fame. For those unaware, the whole Plain Jane thing happened in the Australian drama serial, Neighbours. She went from geek to whore in a matter of moments. It was astonishing. Completely astonishing. And it got us to thinking about what the greatest celebrity makeovers of all time might be. We narrowed it down to this small bunch.
Ever since Plain Jane the Superbrain took off her glasses, smeared some slutty red lipstick around her mouth, and rubbed ice cubes on her stupid nipples, the celebrity makeover has been a must for anyone hoping to increase their fame. For those unaware, the whole Plain Jane thing happened in the Australian drama serial, Neighbours. She went from geek to whore in a matter of moments. It was astonishing. Completely astonishing. And it got us to thinking about what the greatest celebrity makeovers of all time might be. We narrowed it down to this small bunch.
Things That You Must Like, Including The Wire…
Look at you. Are those plimsolls? Actual plimsolls? Are they ironic plimsolls? Or just normal plimsolls? Are you poor? Or just pretending? Think before you answer, because should they be anything but ironic, and society - cool society, where people like Pixie Geldof and Henry Holland live - will turn its back on you. It's a cruel, unforgiving place - society. It dictates that grown adults should peacock about town with their skinny jeans damn-near squashing their balls, and everyone actually seems to like Lady Ga Ga. And Lady Ga Ga is a total cretin, by the way. But they buy her singles with their iTunes for their iPods. They love her. They also like stonewashed jeans. With survival in mind, here are four things you should at least claim to like, unless you fancy getting completely ostracised by your so-called friends:
Look at you. Are those plimsolls? Actual plimsolls? Are they ironic plimsolls? Or just normal plimsolls? Are you poor? Or just pretending? Think before you answer, because should they be anything but ironic, and society - cool society, where people like Pixie Geldof and Henry Holland live - will turn its back on you. It's a cruel, unforgiving place - society. It dictates that grown adults should peacock about town with their skinny jeans damn-near squashing their balls, and everyone actually seems to like Lady Ga Ga. And Lady Ga Ga is a total cretin, by the way. But they buy her singles with their iTunes for their iPods. They love her. They also like stonewashed jeans. With survival in mind, here are four things you should at least claim to like, unless you fancy getting completely ostracised by your so-called friends:
