Articles tagged with: America’s Got Talent
Oh Jeepers, Hoff’s Gone To Hospital!
David Hasselhoff used to have it all. The car that could talk, the hair that even made women jealous. Not to mention his smash hit drama series about disturbed young lifeguards trying to make it through life, without falling foul of the hideous daily flashbacks of having to hoik limp, dripping bodies from an angry ocean, or breathe air from their own beautiful lungs into the dribbling mouth of an old lady who thought she'd take up surfing. Damn it, the man made these sea police beautiful again! Unfortunately, like Achilles with his rotten heel, The Hoff has a weakness - mainly being that he can't resist throwing back a few sweet shots of the strong stuff, and making a complete tit of himself. It's a symptom of his massive celebrity, some might argue. But then again, perhaps not? After all, how would those very same people explain the smelly demise of street people, slurping cooking sherry from bins? Were they once famous? No they were not. They just couldn't resist the tempting aroma of a cheap head-rush.
David Hasselhoff used to have it all. The car that could talk, the hair that even made women jealous. Not to mention his smash hit drama series about disturbed young lifeguards trying to make it through life, without falling foul of the hideous daily flashbacks of having to hoik limp, dripping bodies from an angry ocean, or breathe air from their own beautiful lungs into the dribbling mouth of an old lady who thought she'd take up surfing. Damn it, the man made these sea police beautiful again! Unfortunately, like Achilles with his rotten heel, The Hoff has a weakness - mainly being that he can't resist throwing back a few sweet shots of the strong stuff, and making a complete tit of himself. It's a symptom of his massive celebrity, some might argue. But then again, perhaps not? After all, how would those very same people explain the smelly demise of street people, slurping cooking sherry from bins? Were they once famous? No they were not. They just couldn't resist the tempting aroma of a cheap head-rush.
America’s Got Talent: Recycled Percussion Are Rubbish
Week 274 of Ameria's Got Talent, and the ten remaining acts audition again, for your votes. Well, either your votes, or else the approval of the goat's entrails which the judges seem to have been relying on these past few weeks to tell them which act gets their discretionary nod. If you, like us, are getting a little tired of this season's judges' decisions - which they apparently make by asking themselves "Which of these acts is worst at delivering the one, simple, specific thing which they claim as their whole reason for being here?" - then take heart! After the jump, we introduce you to the awesomely majestic mighty magnificence which is... the AGT Drinking Game.
Week 274 of Ameria's Got Talent, and the ten remaining acts audition again, for your votes. Well, either your votes, or else the approval of the goat's entrails which the judges seem to have been relying on these past few weeks to tell them which act gets their discretionary nod. If you, like us, are getting a little tired of this season's judges' decisions - which they apparently make by asking themselves "Which of these acts is worst at delivering the one, simple, specific thing which they claim as their whole reason for being here?" - then take heart! After the jump, we introduce you to the awesomely majestic mighty magnificence which is... the AGT Drinking Game.
America’s Got Talent: Tony And Rory Go Through, World Raises An Eyebrow
Let's not try to pretend it's making anything approaching sense any more. The only way that the decision-making on this season of America's Got Talent could be any screwier is if the producers went into a ward full of pneumonia patients, asked the coughiest one to chub his phlegm up into a paper cup, and then got Paula Abdul to decide which act looked most like the bloody lung-biscuit. Honestly, any more of this and we're going to have to consider Plan B: sticking a photograph of Susan Boyle on the end of a lollipop stick and then holding it in front of the TV as each act performs. That'll calm us down. She's dreamy.
Let's not try to pretend it's making anything approaching sense any more. The only way that the decision-making on this season of America's Got Talent could be any screwier is if the producers went into a ward full of pneumonia patients, asked the coughiest one to chub his phlegm up into a paper cup, and then got Paula Abdul to decide which act looked most like the bloody lung-biscuit. Honestly, any more of this and we're going to have to consider Plan B: sticking a photograph of Susan Boyle on the end of a lollipop stick and then holding it in front of the TV as each act performs. That'll calm us down. She's dreamy.
America’s Got Talent: Simon Cowell Demands A Rematch
Tuesday night saw the re-auditioning of some of the season's losers, per the orders of Godfather Simon Cowell. Last week, America's Got Talent brought a couple hundred of its remaining acts to Las Vegas. More specifically, to a Las Vegas airport hangar. Upon their arrival David Hasselhoff appeared, dressed as a homosexual 18th Century plantation owner, to tell all of the best acts that the whole thing had been a con and they were going straight back home. The foolishness was halted by an unexpected phonecall from the ultimate boss, Simon Cowell, telling the moronic judges they had to reconsider their choices. So, who would be back in? Let's see...
Tuesday night saw the re-auditioning of some of the season's losers, per the orders of Godfather Simon Cowell. Last week, America's Got Talent brought a couple hundred of its remaining acts to Las Vegas. More specifically, to a Las Vegas airport hangar. Upon their arrival David Hasselhoff appeared, dressed as a homosexual 18th Century plantation owner, to tell all of the best acts that the whole thing had been a con and they were going straight back home. The foolishness was halted by an unexpected phonecall from the ultimate boss, Simon Cowell, telling the moronic judges they had to reconsider their choices. So, who would be back in? Let's see...
America’s Got Talent: Kari Callin Just Can’t Lose… Oh.
Here it is, then. Enough of the freaks, losers and oddbods. Time now for the, you know, perfectly normal talented folk. LOL, whatever! It's the AGT quarter-finals. In Vegas, baby! Las Vegas: home to sexually-desperate bachelor parties, the nasty ladies who satisfy their carnal needs and, now, 40 of America's most talented groups of people to... entertain them? That doesn't seem quite right. Ah, yes: to send them running and screaming back to Asswipe, Montana while gibbering about singing seniors, precocious juniors, and English talent judges who speak only the language known as "Dribble". More details about the whole painful mess of post-auditions week after this little jump.
Here it is, then. Enough of the freaks, losers and oddbods. Time now for the, you know, perfectly normal talented folk. LOL, whatever! It's the AGT quarter-finals. In Vegas, baby! Las Vegas: home to sexually-desperate bachelor parties, the nasty ladies who satisfy their carnal needs and, now, 40 of America's most talented groups of people to... entertain them? That doesn't seem quite right. Ah, yes: to send them running and screaming back to Asswipe, Montana while gibbering about singing seniors, precocious juniors, and English talent judges who speak only the language known as "Dribble". More details about the whole painful mess of post-auditions week after this little jump.
America’s Got Talent: Susan Boyle! OhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGod!
The final week of auditions showcased people who had auditioned through MySpace. So we settled down to watch, fully expecting the acts to be pimply boys showing off their collection of Dungeons And Dragons figurines, recently divorced women with a pitiful lack of self worth trying desperately to get laid, and 15-year-old girls pulling up their t-shirts to show a bit of their bra. Nope. So what did we get instead? Only Susan bloody Boyle giving an interview to Today Show semi-milf Meredith Viera, that's what.
The final week of auditions showcased people who had auditioned through MySpace. So we settled down to watch, fully expecting the acts to be pimply boys showing off their collection of Dungeons And Dragons figurines, recently divorced women with a pitiful lack of self worth trying desperately to get laid, and 15-year-old girls pulling up their t-shirts to show a bit of their bra. Nope. So what did we get instead? Only Susan bloody Boyle giving an interview to Today Show semi-milf Meredith Viera, that's what.
America’s Got Talent: Was It A Susan Boyle Moment?
Some things haven't changed from the British version of Got Talent. There's the smug judge on the right, the facially inarticulate judge in the middle, and Piers Morgan on the left (still desperately trying to make comprehensible words come out of his slimy, floppy-jawed mouth). And now America's got Talent strikes another BGT-like chord: last night, an aesthetically displeasing lady with terrible hair lumbered onto the stage and sang a song a bit better than you'd thought she would. They're obviously nicking all our ideas. Which is depressing, as it means that fifteen dancing twatpuppets will win the thing.
Some things haven't changed from the British version of Got Talent. There's the smug judge on the right, the facially inarticulate judge in the middle, and Piers Morgan on the left (still desperately trying to make comprehensible words come out of his slimy, floppy-jawed mouth). And now America's got Talent strikes another BGT-like chord: last night, an aesthetically displeasing lady with terrible hair lumbered onto the stage and sang a song a bit better than you'd thought she would. They're obviously nicking all our ideas. Which is depressing, as it means that fifteen dancing twatpuppets will win the thing.
America’s Got Talent Begins: Can They Give Us A Susan Boyle?
Will the producers of America's Got Talent be able to find a mad-haired old fat lady, just like the Brits did? The clue is in the question: what with this being America, they'll doubtless be fighting them off with sticks. Of course, America has to do things a bit bigger than anybody else. So we fully expect their version of Susan Boyle to be a 1o00lb monster with hair like a mammoth's pubes, who has to be poured onto the stage from the back of a dump truck. Join us after the jump, when we look at how the show's first week went.
Will the producers of America's Got Talent be able to find a mad-haired old fat lady, just like the Brits did? The clue is in the question: what with this being America, they'll doubtless be fighting them off with sticks. Of course, America has to do things a bit bigger than anybody else. So we fully expect their version of Susan Boyle to be a 1o00lb monster with hair like a mammoth's pubes, who has to be poured onto the stage from the back of a dump truck. Join us after the jump, when we look at how the show's first week went.
