This week’s Badvertising proves that the really piss-poor elements of advertising live longer in the memory than the really good ones. What do you remember most? Those Nescafé ads where Anthony Head gets his end away or that insurance advert where Michael Winner tells people to calm down before disemboweling them with a rusty fork? We can’t even remember which one’s meant to be the bad one in that comparison.
What we’re trying to say is, this isn’t a new advert that we’re picking on today but the minute you see it, you’ll remember it.
Fizzy drinks. People like fizzy drinks. We know in a health-crazed culture where everyone’s going out of their way to look like some tanned bell-end from The Only Way Is Essex, it’s not fashionable to say that. Why not have a smoothie instead? Piss off. The people want sugar and strychnine!
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Gormless, dithering shitferbrains Seann William Scott has stumbled out of rehab to absolutely no fanfare, blinking in the sunlight and pondering about where his life when wrong and precisely when it became so very, very empty.
Sadly, the one thing he failed to shake off is that stupid ‘n’ at the end of his first name, leaving him looking very much like the dim boob that he is.
Even Seann’s mother could be bothered to read the text he sent her which probably read ‘Rehab fixed me mom – y u no answr my txts nemore luv ur son‘.
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Perpetual gormshite, ‘actor’ Seann William Scott is going to go to America’s equivalent of the confession booth – rehab. Why? Christ knows. He certainly doesn’t. He obviously too thick to work out anything at all, ever.
You may not know who Seannnnnn William Scott is by name, but you’ll recognise his stupid head from films like American Pie and… uh… probably the sequels to American Pie.
But we’re not here to peer at his CV, with its huge blank spaces, we’re here to wonder why he has decided to check himself into rehab.
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Oh come on, you remember Chris Klein. Of course you do. He was in American Pie. No, he wasn’t that one.
Or that one. Or that one. Or that one. Or that one. Or that one. Or that one. Or that one. And especially not that one, because that character was played by a woman. Come on, Chris Klein. You remember. Chris Klein. Good old Chris Klein. Chris Klein. He wasn’t just in American Pie, you know – he was also in We Were Soldiers, and who could forget his indelible performance as Customer #2 in Tilt-A-Whirl? Chris Klein, you remember. Chris Klein. CHRIS KLEIN. No?
Well Chris Klein has just been arrested for DUI. Not that it means anything to you, you philistines.
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Hey! So you’ve seen American Pie, right? Yeah. So you’ve seen American Pie 2 too right? Of course you have. And then American Pie 3: The Wedding was a must, because of the high jinx.
Then you might as well watch American Pie 4: Band Camp, probably something about phallic instruments in that. And then there was number 5: The Naked Mile, and 6: Beta House. Can you imagine the raucous and outrageous behaviour that must have occurred in those two? We can’t, it’s just too much.
If you’re one of the 1% in the free world who can imagine that level of tomfoolery without your frontal lobes wandering off to the land of spontaneous outbursts, then you’re in for a treat. American Pie 7: The Book of Love! Don’t worry, Jim’s Dad is still in it as the cool, awkward, bit creepy sex guru. Not only that!!! Louisa Lytton is in it too! What? Yeah, she’s the one from EastEnders and The Bill. The trailer is after the jump. It gets better if you watch it when you’re drunk (that’s a lie)…
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