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Super Bowl 2012: Top 10 Super Bowl Moments

August 7th, 2012 By hecklerspray staff

Ah the Super Bowl, the pinnacle of sporting exuberance and over celebration. And as it’s Super Bowl (or Superb Owl if you prefer), we’ll be running a series of specials to whet your whistles. In the words of Stanley Ralph Ross, so immortalised by Jim McKay ?The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat?.?

The unfortunate truth about the Super Bowl is that a large proportion of them have been crap, crap, one-sided affairs that were not so much the ultimate gladiatorial fight that is often portrayed, but more like that bit in Raiders of the Lost Arc where Indiana just shoots the sword wielding guy.

Anyways, regardless of the final outcome there have been some very good individual moments from the Super Bowl, here?s the best top 10 Super Bowl moments your stupid eyes will ever see.

Star Wars Dogs Welcome You To The Bark Side

January 20th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Only America could host the idea of having a commercial about a commercial. And that’s exactly what VW have done in the build-up to the Super Bowl, which of course, is more of a marketing showreel than an actual sporting event.

Hell. American Football is barely a sport in itself. Ostensibly, it’s two teams of androids running at each other screaming. What’s not to like?

Anyway, the commercial about a commercial features a squad of dogs all in Star Wars garb and? together, they sing a very familiar tune. Click over the jump to watch it. And no, we’re not getting paid for this.

Madonna To Show Super Bowl What Manly Muscles Really Look Like

December 5th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

The Super Bowl halftime show is a very, very prestigious gig. Some of music’s biggest stars have done a turn there. Prince. Paul McCartney. Bruce Springsteen. Er… Black Eyed Peas. In defence of the latter, they were awful and suicide rates went up six-hundredfold when they played.

Wait. That’s no defence. Did someone say defence? DE-FENCE! DE-FENCE! DE-FENCE!

Anyway, to make amends for the urine crotched BEPs, the organisers of the greatest commercial break on television have decided to announce that Madonna will be doing the halftime show at the Super Bowl XLVI halftime show on Feb. 5 in Indianapolis. Let those football tossing guys really see what a masculine, ripped Body Of David really looks like, eh?

Black Eyed Peas Splitting Up After Completing Mission To Ruin Music Forever

November 23rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Have you noticed a trend in pop that sees artists sampling any old shit, rather than sourcing something that works right for a song? Eminem sampled Haddaway, Derulo used ‘Day-Oh (The Banana Boat Song)’ and Cher Lloyd unironically sang the tune from ‘Oh My Darling, Clementine’.

Who is to blame for this? The Black Eyed Peas, that’s who. Have you heard their use of ‘The Time Of My Life’? Crow-barred, lowest common denominating nonsense to provide modernity to familiarity, thereby, maximising sales and opportunities to get played at weddings and bar mitzvahs.

And now, having fully completed Operation Spoil Music For Everyone, they’re able to take a nice long break, knowing that their work is done. Seriously. They’re totally splitting up.

Madonna To Perform Super Bowl XLVI Half Time To Distract Everyone From Disgusting Hot Dogs In The Bleachers

October 4th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

She might hate hydrangeas, but she sure loves people throwing stupidly shaped balls around! That’s right folks! Madonna is totally going to be the halftime distraction at the next Super Bowl, or Super Bowl XLVI if you can’t count in English.

The Material Girl (we’re forced to use that description by law) will clutter up the pitch with a giant stage on February 5th in Indianapolis, which of course, is famous for a stupid car race, being almost square shaped and having virtually zero sidewalks. Stupid Indianapolis.

But at least they’ll get a massive American Football match and Madonna, eh?

Hightower From Police Academy RIP

August 4th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Aw, boo. It’s pretty lousy when people from the Police Academy films start dying. Not only did they teach Cassandra from Wayne’s World how to speak English, but they also provided a whole bunch of puerile laughs for plebs like us.

And one of the main dudes in the film franchise – Bubba Smith, who played Hightower – has joined the choir invisible and left us all feeling really, really old.

Bubba (great name) was an American football star before finding fame in the movies, has died at the age of 66.

The Black Eyed Peas Plan To Disown One Of Their Awful Songs

July 5th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Bands and gimmicks – who?d have thought that some artists use them as a fall back when we realise that the music they release is gash? Fake London type Pete Doherty has a hilarious heroin routine which sees him in constant bother with the local law enforcement. Elsewhere, X-Factor winner Leona Lewis continues in her quest to make a tin of paint seem more exciting than her personality.

So one band we can never work is American chumps The Black Eyed Peas. Fronted by a man whose mother has a terrible understanding of grammar, will.i.am and joined by Fergie, a woman who isn't shy of urinating herself on-stage for either her own sick pleasure, or fans of golden showers. Grammar and whizzing your pants. Some gimmick!

Anogther trick used by the band is to employ the thinking that using choruses from other people?s songs and releasing them for thick people to buy. However, one of their songs will never be played again. You see, ‘My Humps’ has gotten into all-sorts of complicated legal mishaps.

Black Eyed Peas To Make Awful, Awful Video Game

June 27th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

If the Black Eyed Peas brand of dreadful music wasn’t bad enough, they’re going to infect your games console by making a game for you to get furious with, leaving you kicking your controllers out of the window and throttling yourself with the plug flex.

That’s right! will.i.am, Fergie and the other two who don’t seem to do much will be prancing around in a game… but what will it be like?

Well, rumour has it that it’ll be one of those dreary things where you dance and singalonga to the monstrous hits they’ve made. However, if the developers are reading this, they should hear our ideas first because they’re miles better and guaranteed to make they game sell roughly a million less copies.

Christina Aguilera Has Problems With Her Breasts On Television

May 20th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Since Christina Aguilera flubbed the American National anthem at the Super Bowl, starred in the impressively eventless Burlesque and got arrested for being more drunk than Oliver Reed’s liver, she’s not been too much fun.

In fact, she’s been something of a bore. Instead of properly going off the rails, she’s turned into a little walking book of calm, sounding for all the world like a quack that appears on Geraldo or something.

And so, despite the fact we’ve all seen her boobs in Those ‘Leaked’ Naked Photos, Xtina decided to be incredibly serious and overwrought about the fact her tatas nearly fell out of her dress, repeatedly, while appearing on the show, The Voice.?

America Still Appalled That Christina Aguilera Had A Really Fun, Drunken Night Out

March 3rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Oh America. You’re a silly continent sized country. Someone can drink one bottle of spirits on a night out and suddenly, they’ve got a problem. Not surprising that there’s this attitude when the most popular beer is things like Bud Light, which to a European, is akin to water, seeing as Budweiser itself is about as intoxicating as sucking a warm ice cube.

And of course, with Christina Aguilera seemingly getting completely shit-faced for the first time ever (in the public eye at least), the whole country is gathering ’round her to see if she’d like a hug and a lift to rehab.

Naturally, The People Close To The Singer, such as her ex-husband Jordan ‘Do The’ Bratman, and now wringing their hands, furrowing their brows and sighing with faux-reluctance that alcohol has always been something of an issue with poor ol’ troubled Aguilera.