aliens - HecklerSpray

Awesome or Off-Putting: Band of Holes

October 17th, 2011 By Shawn Lindseth

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

No, it’s not a crass, gynecologically themed all girl indy band. It’s a strange place in Peru with thousands of large holes bored into stone and clustered into a pretty long strip. It’s weird alright – and there are several theories as to what the stone holes were used for. Those theories range from grain storage to UFO this-or-that.

We’re guessing it was built as a large, impossible to miss mini-golf course for giants.

Natalie Portman To Be Lovely Faced In New Alien Prequel?

October 13th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Natalie Portman is lovely looking isn’t she? Even when dressed in ridiculous clothes and faced with the immensely wooden acting of Hayden Christensen in the newest Star Wars films, she still managed to look all lovely and lovelier.

Now Portman is set to look really quite lovely in the new Alien prequels which Ridley Scott has promised will be so grotesque that we might just puke all of our bones up through our faces.

Even if Natalie Portman ends up covered in alien vomit and has enormous, gaping wounds all over her body after being attacked by weird creatures, she’ll still make us all sigh like lovelorn schoolboys.

Halo Developers Bungie Are No Slackers When It Comes To Piracy

September 8th, 2010 By Kris Silver

Bungie, the developers behind games such as Halo, Halo 2 and? erm, Halo 3 have made an announcement to all the people playing the leaked version of their latest game, Halo 4? I mean Halo: Reach.

Halo: Reach for the Stars is a first person shooter set somewhere in outer space and requires the player to climb various mountains higher and ultimately follow their heart?s desire. Okay, I may have confused the plot of the game with a song by S Club 7, but to be honest the plot is so ridiculously complex I genuinely can't be bothered going into it. In its most basic form it works like this: Man has gun, man has space suit, man go into space and shoot evil alien for arbitrary reason that serves as a plot device.

William Shatner Believes In Aliens, Which Is Apparently News

September 8th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Don’t tell William Shatner about aliens. He knows all about aliens. He was captain of the Starship Enterprise.

He’s met loads of aliens. Admittedly most of them looked identical to minor 1960s television actresses and, by ‘met’, we obviously mean that William Shatner has tried poking his fingers up their mimsies at least once in a boneheaded and morally dubious explanation of what love is, but he’s definitely met them. And that’s why he’s so certain that there is life on other planets.

Yes, William Shatner has come out and conclusively stated his belief in aliens. And, yes, the reason we’re telling you this is because arse-all else has happened today and we’d clearly prefer to screech on about nothing than do decent thing and just shut up for a change. Happy now?

Awesome or Off-Putting: Guy’s House Targeted By Aliens?

August 2nd, 2010 By Shawn Lindseth

Typical alien harassment includes your bed being surrounded by little green men in the middle of the night, or your car being surrounded by Mexicans offering to install your new garden hose for a reasonable fee as you’re pulling out of the Home Depot.

For some though, alien harassment includes slight destruction of property. For the record – when we said ‘for some’ at the beginning of that last sentence, we meant ‘for one.’ And that’s because some guy thinks that an alien marksman in orbit has singled out his house, and hit it with six verified meteorites in the past three years.

Stephen Hawking: Just Your Average Friendly Alien Pest Controller

April 26th, 2010 By Matthew Laidlow

As far as intelligent people go, even we have to admit that Stephen Hawking is quite a clever chap.

After all, he knows the insides of space like a gynaecologist knows the insides of your wife. Putting it in simple terms, Stephen Hawking is the one bloke you'd want to have standing next to you when playing the quiz machine in the pub. He knows everything.

Because he's super duper smart, anything that falls out of Stephen Hawking’s mouth is usually blessed with some degree of credibility. Hawking is even the sort of bloke to make a large McDonalds order sound like the most sophisticated meal ever. But recently, the professor said something that makes us think he's losing a slight grip on reality. Whilst he's not warning against the dangers of walking the streets at night or drunken hecklerspray writers, he instead wants us to be careful of aliens. Just in case they rip off your skin and use it as a tent.

Awesome or Off-Putting: (Video) Finally – Undeniable UFO Proof That You Can Take All The Way To The Bank (Unless You Can’t)

November 9th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Roswell’s big problem is it’s all word of mouth. There are these tremendous claims of what went on there, but why believe a low-brow farmer? The same goes for Kecksburg. Sure, we’ve heard the military hauled out a tarp-covered something-or-other that was shaped like a gigantic acorn, but show us the pictures.

That said, there’s finally a UFO-crash discovery that was caught on film – and we owe it all to commie-riddled Russia!

Awesome Or Off-Putting: The Wow! Signal – Sent By Aliens? (W/ Video)

April 6th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Well don’t tell Jodie Foster, but she needn’t have made that one movie where she made love to her dead alien father on an other-planet beach. That’s because the premise of that movie – Contact we think it was called – was about how the world would react if it ever received contact from another planet.

Problem is that film was made 20 years after the fact.

Awesome Or Off-Putting: Theories of the Ancient Astronaut

March 25th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

In today's world, it's not uncommon to talk about human beings orbiting the earth, walking on the moon or sometimes somebody who's done that kind of stuff driving cross country in diapers to possibly murder her boyfriend's true love. A long time ago though – say hundreds or thousands of years – mankind must have thought the only thing living way up in the heavens was God himself.

Except for the people who already knew of mortals flying beyond the stratosphere. They'd not be surprised by our space-flight accomplishments at all. There's allegedly evidence that some people cite to prove astronauts were around a long, long time ago.

SPRAY COUNTDOWN: Sequels Better Than The Originals

August 7th, 2012 By David Schwartz

Everyone knows that sequels generally suck. Let's face it, the only reason Hollywood comes up with a second helping is to cash in on the success of the original.

Oh, and the fact that Hollywood hasn't come up with any original ideas for years. And when they do they want to make the most of it. But sometimes sequels can actually eclipse the original.

It's certainly rare. For every Godfather Part II there is a Speed 2, Ocean's 12 and Another 48 Hours waiting in the wings. For God's sake, this was going to be a a top 10, but we could only think of five.

But anyway, here goes: