Articles tagged with: Alex Rodriguez
If Madonna has broken up any marriages in the past, it'd probably be because her cameo appearance in Will & Grace was so terrible that it literally drove couples apart. However, Madonna is adamant that she definitely didn't break up the marriage of New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez and his wife Cynthia. In her divorce papers, Cynthia is claiming that Alex and Madonna's 'affair of the heart' was the event that pushed their marriage beyond repair. But Madonna has point blank denied that she had an affair of the heart with Alex Rodriguez. And we agree with Madonna. After all, an affair of the heart would suggest some sort of emotional involvement and, having seen Swept Away, we know only too well that Madonna isn't that great at emotions. Now, if they'd claimed an affair of the fanny it'd be a different story entirely.
Marriages come to an end for all sorts of reasons, but one of the biggest is suspecting that your husband's been brainwashed into having sex with a gap-toothed 50-year-old.
And that appears to be the thing that's brought an end to the marriage between Alex Rodriguez and his wife Cynthia. She's just filed for divorce from Alex following claims that he's been involved in a bunch of secret extramarital Kabbalah nooky sessions with Madonna.
Madonna denies any romantic involvement with Alex Rodriguez, but it seems like Cynthia isn't taking the bait. She'll win her man back, that's for sure - she just needs to become the sort of woman that A-Rod likes these days first. Just watch him come running back once she's botoxed her face into total paralysis and had several metres of grotesque artificial vein surgically implanted under the skin of her arms!
It's always the bloody same with women - they look at you, talk to you and move in certain ways, and before you know it you're under their spell. In a figurative way, of course. And actually, come to think of it, we can't remember the last time a girl even looked at us, never mind talked to or moved in certain ways at us. We digress...
But Madonna isn't happy with just getting a man under her proverbial spell, oh no - she is literally controlling the mind of Alex Rodriguez, the man she is allegedly getting it on with. Well, according to Rodriguez's estranged wife, Cynthia, that's what Madge is doing. Wait - what?
Brace yourselves, this is complicated - remember how baseball star Alex Rodriguez might be having an affair with Madonna, who might be divorcing Guy Ritchie?
Well, get ready for another layer of confusion, because now Alex Rodriguez's wife Cynthia might have run off with Lenny Kravitz. The same Lenny Kravitz who used to be romantically linked to Madonna. However, as confusing and soap opera-y as all of this sounds, it might just all have a happy ending.
After all, Madonna is happy because she might be having sex with Alex Rodriguez, Alex Rodriguez is happy because he might be having sex with Madonna and Alex Rodriguez's wife is happy because she might be having sex with Lenny Kravitz. Everyone's happy. Except for Guy Ritchie, obviously, but it'll be a sad sad day when people start caring about his feelings.
Now that it's semi-official that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are on the verge of a divorce, it's time to find out why - and apparently 'because he's Guy Ritchie' isn't a valid answer.
One theory that's currently doing the rounds is that Madonna has been getting closer and closer to New York Yankees baseball star Alex Rodriguez. So close, in fact, that Rodriguez apparently made a secret late-night visit to Madonna's apartment almost immediately after his wife gave birth to their second child.
If these reports are true, then it looks like Madonna and Guy Ritchie's marriage is done for. Still, it's not all bad. True, Guy Ritchie will be losing the love of his life and the mother of his son forever, but at least he won't have a veiny middle-aged woman hanging around all the time yattering away in the world's least convincing British accent with her vagina hanging out. Swings and roundabouts, really.
