Alec Baldwin - HecklerSpray

Is Justin Bieber Already Married?

September 18th, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Listen, before you even ask, no. I am not going to make a post about the Emmys. I don’t watch Game of Thrones, I don’t watch that Marvelous Miss whatever show, so I honestly just don’t give a single fuck (other than the fact John Mulaney won an award. That was cool). Today, I’m only going to blog about Justin Bieber, so deal with it, k?

I don’t know what the fuck is going on with Biebs, but he might have gotten married at a courthouse on Thursday, which is really adding to my theory that him and Hailey Baldwin only got engaged because she’s knocked up.

Jonah Hill Is Like A Squishy Alec Baldwin

June 4th, 2014 By Megan Leitch

Jonah Hill just seems like such an unlikeable guy.? He’s an all right actor, though I enjoy his stoner movies more than his serious ones, but as a regular guy he seems much more douchey.? Every time he does an interview, I find myself thinking “Shut up and go back to licking Brad Pitt’s ass some more.”

Now Jonah has decided to take a page out of Alec Baldwin’s book, How to be an Asshole for Pudgies, and said some anti-gay shit to?some paparazzi.? Of course, he apologized afterwards because that’s what publicists are good for.

Alec Baldwin Quits Being A Fame Whore. For Now

February 25th, 2014 By Megan Leitch

Alec Baldwin is sick of being famous.? Not truly sick of it where he would stop acting or accepting obnoxiously large sums of money for minimal work, mind you.? Nor is he sick of people knowing who he is and fawning over him 24/7.? That would be ludicrous.

Instead, Baldwin is sick of paparazzi taking this his picture when he isn’t getting paid for it, or commoners sharing his precious air when he is trying to use it all to yell vile things at his wife, daughter, the local girl scout troop.? So he is doing the most practical thing possible to fight back when you hate crowds and people and publicity- he is moving from New York City to Los Angeles.

The Crazies Love Alec Baldwin A Little Too Much

November 16th, 2013 By Megan Leitch

Alec Baldwin is kind of a total dick 99% of the time.? He has anger issues and would probably punch a puppy wearing glasses if the dog dared to look at him for too long.? So why someone would decide to devote all their time and energy on him makes no sense.? Unless we are talking about his much younger, better looking wife, in which case I get because at least you get a fancy life style out of it.? It’s easier to deal with his constant yelling when you are wearing Louboutins.

But for some crazy reason, Baldwin got himself a bat shit crazy stalker and took her single white female ass to court.? Of course, the stalker claims Baldwin is a dirty liar and they are SO IN LOVE, and tries to prove she isn’t a few cards short of a full deck by acting a fool in the courtroom.

Oh Liz Lemon, where are you when Jack needs you, girl?

Paparazzi, Leave Alec Baldwin Alone Before He Shivs One of You

August 29th, 2013 By Natalia Kemble

You guys, I get the feeling Alec Baldwin doesn’t like the paparazzi. I don’t know what it is, but… oh, wait. I do know. It’s all the manhandling. Seriously, he can’t keep his hands off them. He’s like a schoolboy with an angry, violent crush.

In the past year and change he’s had not one but TWO tussles with the paparazzi. Last June he punched a New York Daily News photographer on the chin (weak, Alec), then claimed it was self-defense. Who punches someone on the chin in self-defense? Or rather, who punches someone on the chin? Sounds like someone needs to learn a little Krav Maga.

Alec Baldwin Acts Like a Dick Again

February 19th, 2013 By Chris Chambers

Notoriously bad-tempered actor, Alec Baldwin,?got into a fight with a reporter and a photographer from the New York Post yesterday morning, allegedly calling the photographer?a litany of unpleasant names, including a racial epithet, telling?the photographer to suck his dick, and making ?disparaging remarks?? about the photographer’s mom.

Charming guy, don’t you think? Oh!?I almost forgot …?Alec?may or may not have also threatened to choke?the young female?reporter to death.

6 Simple Steps to Break Up With Your Celebrity Girlfriend

September 20th, 2012 By Chris Starr

We’ve all been there. You’re hanging out the back of your super-hot celebrity girlfriend when suddenly you think “I’m not emotionally fulfilled here.” Forget the perfect face, the bounteous lips and the banging set of boobs that don’t come out on celluloid except for a $20 million fee. Dammit, you’re more than a robot, and you have feelings, and this woman doesn’t support your desire to create an animatronic version of Led Zeppelin!

You know what you have to do, don’t you? You’ve got to man up and end that relationship. Sure – you’ll feel bad. But don’t. Because it’s the circle of life. And it moves us all: through despair and hope, through faith and love. ‘Til we find our place on the path unwinding. It’s the circle. The circle of life.

Alec Baldwin Wants To Stop Elephants Having A Nice Time In The Circus

March 16th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Urgh. Alec Baldwin is such a killjoy. Sure, he seems like a nice, funny guy and, in fairness, he’s put up with a lot with that mental god-fearing brother of his who looks like the melted waxwork version of himself.

But seriously, why take it out on those lovely elephants?

See, Baldwin is urging Americans to boycott circuses because of the way they treat elephants, even though it is obvious that elephants have a blast in the big top! They stand on their back legs with glee don’t they?

Alec Baldwin Gets Kicked Off Flight For Being Word Nerd

December 7th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

You know Alec Baldwin right? No. That’s Stephen Baldwin who appeared on Celebrity Big Brother, punching Jesus down people’s throats and generally being a sinisterly odd article. No. Alec is the funny one. The nice one. The one who gets thrown off planes for playing word games.

What?

That’s right! Alec Baldwin’s addiction to a wordy? smartphone game got him in trouble on an American Airlines plane. He just really wanted to play the word ‘UNITED’ apparently.

Alec Baldwin Blames Kim Basinger For Hokey Suicide Attempt

February 12th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Alec Baldwin didn’t attempt suicide yesterday, just as he hadn’t attempted suicide for 18,941 consecutive days prior to that.

But, for a while, it looked like he had. According to breathless news reports yesterday, Alec Baldwin was rushed to hospital after his daughter found him unresponsive following a fight where he threatened to take pills. However, Alec Baldwin says that isn’t the case, and he’s blamed the overblown media reaction on his ex-wife Kim Basinger.

For those keeping score, that means that the list of things that Alec Baldwin blames Kim Basinger for now includes the media reaction to a phony suicide attempt, the leaking of a furious email, the way that hotel air conditioners are sometimes hard to use, the assassination of John F Kennedy, male pattern baldness and the functional extinction of the Baiji river dolphin.