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You know Alec Baldwin right? No. That’s Stephen Baldwin who appeared on Celebrity Big Brother, punching Jesus down people’s throats and generally being a sinisterly odd article. No. Alec is the funny one. The nice one. The one who gets thrown off planes for playing word games.
What?
That’s right! Alec Baldwin’s addiction to a wordy smartphone game got him in trouble on an American Airlines plane. He just really wanted to play the word ‘UNITED’ apparently.
Alec Baldwin didn’t attempt suicide yesterday, just as he hadn’t attempted suicide for 18,941 consecutive days prior to that.
But, for a while, it looked like he had. According to breathless news reports yesterday, Alec Baldwin was rushed to hospital after his daughter found him unresponsive following a fight where he threatened to take pills. However, Alec Baldwin says that isn’t the case, and he’s blamed the overblown media reaction on his ex-wife Kim Basinger.
For those keeping score, that means that the list of things that Alec Baldwin blames Kim Basinger for now includes the media reaction to a phony suicide attempt, the leaking of a furious email, the way that hotel air conditioners are sometimes hard to use, the assassination of John F Kennedy, male pattern baldness and the functional extinction of the Baiji river dolphin.
The big showbiz news rendering important newspaper and magazine desks in London completely agog is that Louisa Lytton – who played someone-or-other in EastEnders – has just taken the world by storm by playing an exchange student in the latest American Pie movie.
Without wanting to urinate too heavily on Louisa’s chips, who gives one?
Soap stars have been silently ascending Hollywood’s greasy pole for years now. In fact, some of your favourites have most probably spent a short window of their career awkwardly channelling the spirit of a lonely hunk called ‘Bill’ ordering a coffee. Read on, and you’ll find four men who weren’t ashamed to make a living from these so-called “soap operas”… Read More >>>
As the film 2012 so subtly demonstrated, the Mayans predicted that Armageddon would take place in 2012.
And you know what? They were right. Although a lot of what they said is open to interpretation. Some assume they meant that the world will literally come crashing to a fiery end in 2012, while others think it’ll be the year when the sequel to Thomas And The Magic Railroad is officially ruled out forever. Big fans of Thomas The Tank Engine, the Mayans.
If the latter is correct, they were onto something all along. Alec Baldwin has announced that he’s quitting the acting business forever in 2012. This is clearly a tragedy, because that means that Stephen will get promoted to Most Famous Baldwin. Ugh.
Do you like everything that Steve Martin has ever done, and everything that Alec Baldwin has ever done, and the Oscars?
You do? Then you’re probably the only one. Oh, and also we’ve got some wonderful news for you. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are going to host the Oscars next year! That’s right – the hilarious brain behind The Jerk and the glowering show-stealer from Glengarry Glen Ross are combining forces to host the most glittering night in the Hollywood calendar!
Or the old man from The Pink Panther 2 and the fat bloke from Thomas And The Magic Railroad are combining forces to trudge through six hours of smug backslappery that nobody really watches any more. One or the other.
Cameos in movies are always a bit of a double-edged sword.
On one hand they can provide audiences with a reaction of genuine delight when they find a big-name star who was not listed in the opening credits has suddenly turned up on screen to enliven and enrich the film in progress.
The more negative reaction however can see fans of a particular actor howling in anger as some wannabe gate-crashes some other big-name star’s party – usually with a scene of such gravitas that it completely overshadows the main star’s performance.
Like movie stars and music moguls, television people like nothing better than an evening of expensive outfits, impressive golden statuettes changing hands, and beautiful faces all sitting around telling one another just how brilliant they all are at their jobs. It’s only a shame that such wonderful nights out don’t stretch into normal jobs.
We shall only ever dream of a day when undervalued stone masons and building site skivvies get to breeze around outside hotels shouting details of their suits/blouses to hysterical reporters. What a great day that would be. Read More >>>
When hecklerspray’s eyes first met those of our sweet wife, it was as if she wasn’t in a crate at all. As the UPS truck pulled away it seemed to pull our deepest worries with it. After all – it was love we were feeling.
After we crow-barred out over 100 nails we realized Melva hadn’t really been gazing at us lovingly. She was actually in a medically induced coma for shipping purposes, and her eyes had just happened to roll back in the direction of her air holes.
Imagine our dismay. Also, imagine Alec Baldwin‘s dismay in a separate mail-order-bride incident.
Alec Baldwin Just Wants to be Loved, Starts by Ragging on Everyone
by hecklerspray staffAlec Baldwin is old. And tired. He’s old and he’s tired of wearing man girdles, and he just wants to be loved. Don’t worry, Alec. We hear your desperate plea for love and affection. We hold our arms open wide for you – even wider if you don’t have your girdle on. We’re forever yours [...]