Articles tagged with: album
Lily Allen And Other Musical Chums Enlisted To End The World’s War
If you’re reading this, you’re probably scum of the earth. Not because you kick small children, but because you haven’t appeared in Heat magazine. Being a celebrity rocks because it gives you a higher vantage point over normal people. So what if you won a reality show five years ago, that ounce of fame means you can still be photographed picking up dogmuck five years later and newspapers will brand it as news. Famous people often branch out from what they're known for to make us believe they care about other people. This is what Lily Allen and a host of others have done - they’ve all contributed to War Child’s new album.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably scum of the earth. Not because you kick small children, but because you haven’t appeared in Heat magazine. Being a celebrity rocks because it gives you a higher vantage point over normal people. So what if you won a reality show five years ago, that ounce of fame means you can still be photographed picking up dogmuck five years later and newspapers will brand it as news. Famous people often branch out from what they're known for to make us believe they care about other people. This is what Lily Allen and a host of others have done - they’ve all contributed to War Child’s new album.
U2 Set To Ruin 2009 With Five Versions Of Their New Album
After being sidetracked with a few things, such as trying to end all world evils and finding out where the boogieman lives, Bono has returned to his 50-bedroom mansion to concentrate on churning out another U2 album. Bono and the other members of U2 have been threatening to release No Line On The Horizon for a while now and finally they’ve delivered the bombshell with a March 19 2009 release. Is one new release bad enough? No, Bono has to be an extravagant twat and release it five bloody times.
After being sidetracked with a few things, such as trying to end all world evils and finding out where the boogieman lives, Bono has returned to his 50-bedroom mansion to concentrate on churning out another U2 album. Bono and the other members of U2 have been threatening to release No Line On The Horizon for a while now and finally they’ve delivered the bombshell with a March 19 2009 release. Is one new release bad enough? No, Bono has to be an extravagant twat and release it five bloody times.
America Likes Britney Spears Enough To Make Her Number 1
It's good to end your year better than you started it - Britney Spears has, but only because she was cheating. Britney Spears' 2008 is ending with her new album Circus at number one in America - and she's also the first ever SoundScan artist to have four albums sell 500,000 week-one copies. So well done - Britney Spears' year has ended better than it started. But then again she did start it in a mental hospital - Britney could have caught Ebola off a rabid zombie meerkat while falling down a lift shaft and the year would have still been an upswing for her.
It's good to end your year better than you started it - Britney Spears has, but only because she was cheating. Britney Spears' 2008 is ending with her new album Circus at number one in America - and she's also the first ever SoundScan artist to have four albums sell 500,000 week-one copies. So well done - Britney Spears' year has ended better than it started. But then again she did start it in a mental hospital - Britney could have caught Ebola off a rabid zombie meerkat while falling down a lift shaft and the year would have still been an upswing for her.
Paris Hilton Threatens To Release Craptastic Album Number Two
“Mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dbbbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbb quyuair fijdfff fffffblkurrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhh.” If you've never been lucky enough to hear anything from Paris Hilton’s self-titled debut album, we’ve basically summed up how it sounds above. Senseless screams that not even studio engineering could cover up were released by the heiress who wrongly thought we’d all go “omg that is so like awesomely mega kewl!” when we heard it. With disastrous sales you’d think the message would be clear and our wonk-eyed American friend would stop making music. Sadly not it seems - Paris Hilton has is apparently planning to annoy us again, this time with an album inspired by Kylie Minogue.
“Mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dbbbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbb quyuair fijdfff fffffblkurrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhh.” If you've never been lucky enough to hear anything from Paris Hilton’s self-titled debut album, we’ve basically summed up how it sounds above. Senseless screams that not even studio engineering could cover up were released by the heiress who wrongly thought we’d all go “omg that is so like awesomely mega kewl!” when we heard it. With disastrous sales you’d think the message would be clear and our wonk-eyed American friend would stop making music. Sadly not it seems - Paris Hilton has is apparently planning to annoy us again, this time with an album inspired by Kylie Minogue.
Listen To Circus By Britney Spears Now, If You Really Must
Circus by Britney Spears is easily one of the top five most-anticipated squelchpop albums released by a psychiatric patient this year. But so far there's been so much kerfuffle about everything surrounding Circus - like the documentaries, the artwork, the tracklisting, the likelihood of Britney Spears going berserk and smearing her genitals up and down a shop window a day after its release - that nobody really knows what Circus by Britney Spears actually sounds like. Well, we do. And it seems like the classic Britney Spears sound is back - you know, sort of generic and forgettable and not very good. How do we know this? Because all of Circus by Britney Spears is available on the internet. Where on the internet? Why, right after the jump if you close your eyes and believe enough.
Circus by Britney Spears is easily one of the top five most-anticipated squelchpop albums released by a psychiatric patient this year. But so far there's been so much kerfuffle about everything surrounding Circus - like the documentaries, the artwork, the tracklisting, the likelihood of Britney Spears going berserk and smearing her genitals up and down a shop window a day after its release - that nobody really knows what Circus by Britney Spears actually sounds like. Well, we do. And it seems like the classic Britney Spears sound is back - you know, sort of generic and forgettable and not very good. How do we know this? Because all of Circus by Britney Spears is available on the internet. Where on the internet? Why, right after the jump if you close your eyes and believe enough.
Michael Jackson Gets Sued By Disgruntled Sheikh
Michael Jackson's friendships always fail - usually they're soured by an unproved accusation of molestation or something. But at other times Michael Jackson falls out with people because he goes to live with them and then doesn't pay his way. That's the case with Sheikh Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa of Bahrain, who's suing Michael Jackson for taking an advance on a recording contract and not seeing it through, amongst other things. Apparently Sheikh Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa paid Michael Jackson a $7 million advance for his participation in a joint recording project that never happened. Some observers are claiming that this lawsuit could spell financial ruin for Michael Jackson. However, given that the alternative is the release of an album of duets by Michael Jackson and a rapping sheikh, that's something we'd be absolutely happy to live with.
Michael Jackson's friendships always fail - usually they're soured by an unproved accusation of molestation or something. But at other times Michael Jackson falls out with people because he goes to live with them and then doesn't pay his way. That's the case with Sheikh Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa of Bahrain, who's suing Michael Jackson for taking an advance on a recording contract and not seeing it through, amongst other things. Apparently Sheikh Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa paid Michael Jackson a $7 million advance for his participation in a joint recording project that never happened. Some observers are claiming that this lawsuit could spell financial ruin for Michael Jackson. However, given that the alternative is the release of an album of duets by Michael Jackson and a rapping sheikh, that's something we'd be absolutely happy to live with.
Circus By Britney Spears: The Non-Awaited Tracklisting
Britney Spears called her new album Circus because her life is a circus - she either plays the Sad Clown or the Bearded Lady in it, by the way. But, aside from the fact that it's called Circus and the lead single from it sounds like a berserk feminist cyborg running out of power, nobody knows a darn thing about Britney Spears' new album. Until now, that is, because the album art and tracklisting to Circus by Britney Spears has just been released. We know. At least try to contain yourself. From what we can tell from the sleeve, Circus by Britney Spears seems to be a concept album about a slightly morose woman spending so much money on lawyers in a failed attempt to win custody of her children that she's resorted to getting her album art done on the cheap in one of those bleepy Japanese photobooths you find in arcades. As for the tracklisting, you'll need to read on for that.
Britney Spears called her new album Circus because her life is a circus - she either plays the Sad Clown or the Bearded Lady in it, by the way. But, aside from the fact that it's called Circus and the lead single from it sounds like a berserk feminist cyborg running out of power, nobody knows a darn thing about Britney Spears' new album. Until now, that is, because the album art and tracklisting to Circus by Britney Spears has just been released. We know. At least try to contain yourself. From what we can tell from the sleeve, Circus by Britney Spears seems to be a concept album about a slightly morose woman spending so much money on lawyers in a failed attempt to win custody of her children that she's resorted to getting her album art done on the cheap in one of those bleepy Japanese photobooths you find in arcades. As for the tracklisting, you'll need to read on for that.
Beyonce Is Sasha Fierce, And Sasha Fierce Seems Quite Stupid
We feel bad for Beyonce - all this time she's been waggling her bum about in public, we never knew it was all due to schizophrenia. But apparently it is. You see, the real Beyonce is quiet, timid, dowdy and about as sexy as a damp dishcloth. The girl you see onstage flapping her bumcheeks together and shouting about her jelly like it's a bomb that's about to go off is actually Beyonce's alter-ego, a woman named Sasha Fierce. And Sasha Fierce is about to make her voice heard even more, because Beyonce has decided to name her new album I Am... Sasha Fierce. What's even more interesting is that I Am... Sasha Fierce is going to be a double album, proving once and for all that not only is Sasha Fierce Beyonce's aggressive, outspoken and glamourous side, but also her side that doesn't seem to have any form of inbuilt quality control whatsoever.
We feel bad for Beyonce - all this time she's been waggling her bum about in public, we never knew it was all due to schizophrenia. But apparently it is. You see, the real Beyonce is quiet, timid, dowdy and about as sexy as a damp dishcloth. The girl you see onstage flapping her bumcheeks together and shouting about her jelly like it's a bomb that's about to go off is actually Beyonce's alter-ego, a woman named Sasha Fierce. And Sasha Fierce is about to make her voice heard even more, because Beyonce has decided to name her new album I Am... Sasha Fierce. What's even more interesting is that I Am... Sasha Fierce is going to be a double album, proving once and for all that not only is Sasha Fierce Beyonce's aggressive, outspoken and glamourous side, but also her side that doesn't seem to have any form of inbuilt quality control whatsoever.
