If any of you thought that the new hecklerspray would be dangerously different or bravely exciting, here’s some reassurance – it isn’t. And, look, here’s the proof.

It’s our seven-millionth annual look at the Eurovision Song Contest! Between now and May we’ll be running down each and every stinking entry in this year’s Eurovision. Some will be good. Some will be awful. Some will be written by Andrew Lloyd-Webber and so will automatically come under the subsection ‘awful’. But we’ll be here with you at every step.

So let’s start by looking at the 2009 Eurovision entry by Kejsi Tola of Albania…

Albania · Kejsi Tola, Take Me Into Your Dreams

Sensible girl, Kejsi Tola. Only 16 years old and, from what pictures we’ve seen of her, always dressed in preparation for bad weather, Kejsi Tola is performing a song called Take Me Into Your Dreams at this year’s Eurovision. Having said that, though, we wouldn’t recommend that you watch the accompanying video. This is for two reasons: 1) it sounds like the noise a bad Japanese arcade game from the mid-1980s makes when you reach a boss level, and 2) Kejsi will be singing it in English, but no English lyrics have actually been written yet. Albania, if you’re reading, have these with our compliments: “Take me into your dreams/ I love to be in your dreams/ Unless it’s a sex dream of course/ Partly because I’m only 16 which might be illegal in Albania although it might not be/ And partly because my fringe is all messed up and it’d be wishful thinking on my part.” You’re welcome, Albania. You’re welcome.

Tomorrow: Andorra’s Eurovision entry! Hooray!

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OK, to be fair none of you actually asked for it, but you’re getting it anyway. Every day between now and the Eurovision Song Contest in May, we’ll be profiling the songs, singers and betting odds of every last Eurovision 2008 contender. Every day. Until you’re sick of them. And then for a couple of months after that, because chances are you’ll be a bit sick of them by next Wednesday.

So let’s kick things off with the Eurovision betting odds for Albania, with help from Paddy Power…

Albania – (pop. 3,582,205; a Mediterranean country in southeastern Europe): Olta Boka, Zemr‘n Lam‘ Peng

We don’t want to say that Eurovision songs are a reflection of the country that produced them, mainly because of the horrific things that says about the UK, but if it’s true then Albania must be a truly horrible place to live. Year after year Albania’s Eurovision entry is a miserable ballad, and the trend’s continuing with Zemr‘n Lam‘ Peng, which means We Gambled The Heart. Hopelessly overwrought and containing lines like “The snow of your voice on my heart fell and covered the last shelter of love,” the songs sounds like Celine Dion getting concussed and starting to babble in tongues, and it appears to be Olta Boka’s way of telling the male population of the world that if you even so much as fold up her laundry incorrectly then she’ll run out into the rain, drop to her knees and start bellowing curses into the sky. And not in a good way, either. If at least one Albanian hasn’t committed suicide to Zemr‘n Lam‘ Peng by Christmas, it’ll be an enormous surprise. Current Eurovision betting odds – 33/1

Tomorrow – Eurovision betting odds for Andorra. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Eurovision betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.