Alanis Morissette once sang a song called Ironic filled with non-ironic events. Was that the ultimate slice of irony or was she being thick? We’ve never been able to work it out. However, one thing that has been worked out is that if Alanis opens her legs and lets a man stick his wonk in her enough, she’ll get pregnant.
And that’s the news. Alanis Morissette is reportedly pregnant.
According to Us Weekly, God According To Kevin Smith, revealed her baby news in its ’25 Things You Don’t Know About Me’ section.
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Imagine being married to Alanis Morissette. No, actually, don’t imagine it. We don’t want you to see you cry.
Oh, the whining. Oh, the new-age nothingisms. Oh the perpetual threat of having to listen to Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie all the way through more than once. Oh the constant mental worry that she’ll record an entire album of personal insults if you fail to put the bins out properly. No, don’t imagine being married to Alanis Morissette at all.
Instead, spare a thought for Mario ‘Souleye’ Treadway, who has been revealed as the man who got married to Alanis Morissette last month. He deserves our pity. Or at least he would if he didn’t call himself ’Souleye’, because that sort of makes him sound like a bellend.
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Hands up who wants to see a film where Lindsay Lohan gets stranded on a deserted island for some reason.
Anybody? No? Nobody? Good. What you’ve done is successfully recognise the difference between Lindsay Lohan being stranded on a deserted island in real life (which would probably be quite good) and Lindsay Lohan making a film about Lindsay Lohan being stranded on a desert island that you’ll have to spend two entire hours watching (which would be worse than anything you could possibly imagine).
But this is all an irrelevance. Lindsay Lohan won’t be making a film about being stranded on a deserted island. The producers have reportedly sacked her, because she’s no longer ‘bankable’ enough. Incidentally, IMDb lists the film’s stars as Dave Matthews, Alanis Morissette, the guy from My Name Is Earl and Macaulay Culkin‘s little brother. All of whom are now more bankable than Lindsay Lohan. Ouch.
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